Happiness is Only an Illusion
by Biscuit15
Summary: Squalo knew that bringing Bel into his home after being abandoned was a bad idea. He knew it would be better to give him to someone who wasn't in an abusive relationship, but Squalo was selfish, and he wanted to keep the little boy he had come to like. It's just a shame that, sometimes, others have to pay for your mistakes. Slight 59B/Gokudera x Bel RE-WRITTEN.
1. Chapter 1

Squalo tightened his scarf around his neck and glared at anyone who dared look at him; he could feel their gaze burning from the intensity of their gazes, picking him apart and silently judging him. They'd probably judge anyone wearing a scarf in the middle of summer, but that was besides the point; the point was, they should just mind their own fucking business.

As he walked through the busy streets as he made his way home from school, the fourteen-year-old couldn't help but walk slow; he wanted to take as much time as possible on his journey, hating even the thought of returning back to whom was awaiting him; if coming home late would only get him into trouble, so be it; it was still less time spent around _him,_ after all.

"This is fucking shit…" Squalo kicked at the cement beneath his feet as he let out an annoyed growl. "Fucking stupid piece of…"

The teen's muttering quickly stopped as he turned the corner and realised his path was blocked by a large crowd gathered along the footpath. He didn't care much for why so many people were gathered there, assuming it to be some sort of get-together, so he sneered as he pushed his way through, intending fully on ignoring whatever everyone seemed to be enamoured with.

However, when he got into the middle of the circle, Squalo found himself stopping as he took notice of the tiny child huddled up against the wall behind him. The kid wasn't anything special; he was a shrimpy little thing, golden hair with bangs long enough to curtain his eyes.

What Squalo _really_ noticed was that his hair was caked with dirt and grime, his clothes that were too big for his tiny frame were ragged and filthy, and his mouth was downturned in a frightened manner. But the worst of it was the blood that stained patches of his clothing, the sticky red fluid that clung stubbornly to half of his face, and the bruising on the other side.

Someone had hurt and abused this boy, but even so, Squalo couldn't find it in him to approach the younger and try to help.

"M-mommy…!"

Squalo stopped once more as he heard the whimper he doubted the other bystanders would understand; he knew most people didn't speak any language outside of their own native tongue, and he was probably the only person in the whole crowd who understood what that kid had said. He turned back to find that the boy was crying now, and his arms were wrapped tight around his trembling body. It was a pitiful sight, but one the teen could understand, however much he wished he couldn't.

Squalo sighed. He shook his head as he changed direction. He moved to kneel before the boy, and he wasn't surprised when the other tried to back away further at his approach.

The older male allowed quiet Russian slide past his lips as he tried to soften his demeanour; it wouldn't do to scare the child more than he already was. "What's your name?"

The child looked around at the people gathered around them. He whimpered before he whispered, "B-belphegor…"

"Where are your parents?"

"They said they were going home…" The boy sniffed as he raised a dirty hand to rub at his eyes.

"Where's home?"

"…N-not here…" The younger sobbed quietly. His voice became thick with tears. "I tried to find them, and… And a stranger hurt me…"

"Your parents abandoned you." Squalo got to his feet and turned to glare at the onlookers, hating how no one had bothered to do anything. He addressed them, hoping someone would finally take a stand and do something about this, because he wasn't the best person to take care of an abandoned brat. "The kid's been abandoned, and he isn't from Italy. He's speaking Russian. Someone take him to the cop station so they can deal with it."

Squalo didn't consider himself to be a heartless person, but he couldn't afford to do anything more than this; if he didn't get home soon, then he'd –

"What?" Squalo looked down at the boy who had attached himself to his leg. He instinctively tried to kick him off, hating to be touched. "Don't follow me; go bother someone else."

The child didn't listen; he just hugged the teenager's leg tighter. He said nothing, not until Squalo eventually gave in and allowed the boy to follow him. "What's your name?"

"Squalo." The older male sighed when he felt an impossibly-tiny hand grip his. He hated himself; he knew he shouldn't be letting this kid follow him home, but what was he supposed to do? The boy didn't seem to speak Italian, and he had been abandoned in a country the teenager doubted he had ever been to before this – and he had seen firsthand how people did nothing but stare, even with the boy clearly wounded. "When we get back to my house, you have to stay with me, okay? Don't wander off, and if you need something, you need to tell me. Don't talk to my boyfriend, though; stay as far away from him as you can."

The boy nodded as tears continued to roll down his cheeks. "…"

Squalo pulled his phone from his pocket so that he could text his best friend and asked them to come around; hopefully with someone else there, it would deter his boyfriend from doing anything.

With a bit of luck, Squalo's partner would be fast asleep, and would remain that way until the next day – maybe it would give him enough time to work out what to do with the child who seemed to have decided he wanted to stay with Squalo.

 _ **~~XX~~**_

"Squalo, you _know_ this isn't a good idea."

"Yeah, I fucking know, but no one else was going to take him to the cops, and what am I supposed to do? He doesn't speak Italian."

"I'm sure they could get a translator, and what's wrong with _you_ translating?"

"I'm busy trying not to get my face kicked the fuck in."

"He's sleeping; you have time to go to the cops with him."

Bel sat on the couch next to Squalo. His head turned side-to-side as he watched the two teenagers before him talk in a language he wasn't very familiar with. The tip of his thumb was in his mouth as he held a loose hold on the silver-haired male's sleeve with his other hand. He was frightened of being without his mother, but comfortable with Squalo; the other had been the only person to help him, and it comforted him to have someone to talk to in this strange country. The blond sitting on Squalo's other side had been introduced to Bel as Dino, but while the other smiled warmly at him, he hadn't said anything to the child; did he only speak Italian?

Bel tugged at Squalo's sleeve before he whispered, "I have to pee…"

"Can you hold it?" Squalo gave Bel a tired look that displayed just how exhausted he was, but the boy was too young to understand why; he thought that maybe the older male just hadn't had enough sleep.

"No…" Bel squirmed. He whimpered when he felt his pants becoming wet; he had held on for as long as he could, scared of his new surroundings and uncomfortable telling Squalo he needed to go. He let out an embarrassed squeak as he ducked his head as he pushed his hands against his lap, trying to hide the evidence.

Squalo made a horrified noise as anxiety consumed him; if his boyfriend found out about this… "Voi, Bucking Horse! Go get me a towel!"

Dino was quick to do as told, knowing the severity of the situation; they had to hide this from the other occupant of the house, or both Squalo and Bel were going to wish they had never been born.

"I'm sorry…" Bel sniffed as his eyes filled with tears. "I'm sorry…!"

"It's okay, Bel." Squalo stood the boy up so that he could examine the mess; the couch was soaked, and if his boyfriend walked out any time soon, he was going to know. He chewed at his lip; they had to do something about Bel's wet pants, too, or else they would give everything away – if they could at least fix that, then maybe they could play it off as water having been spilt and the punishment wouldn't be as bad... "I'm going to get you a blanket to sit under; can you stay under there, no matter how hot you are?"

Bel didn't understand the request. He cocked his head to the side; why did he have to stay beneath a blanket if he got hot? "Why?"

"Trust me on this." The silver-haired teen snatched the towel Dino was handing him. He quickly started drying the boy down before he wiped off the couch as much as possible. "Xanxus is going to fucking flip…"

"That's why you can't keep Bel here." Dino tried to get it through his friend's head that Bel would only be in danger here, but he knew how stubborn and prideful the younger was; it wasn't going to be easy to make Squalo listen. "Squalo, you _know_ what Xanxus will do to him. You want him doing to Bel what he does to you? Because you won't be the only one wearing scarves and jackets in summer."

Squalo shook his head. He knew what Dino was trying to tell him, but part of him had already become fond of the little boy who always clung to his sleeve, and he wasn't sure he wanted to give Bel away to be placed in an orphanage.

Squalo knew he was being selfish, but he had already made up his mind; he was keeping Bel, and that was the end of it.

The teenager knew what he was getting the boy into, but even _he_ would never realise the severity of the situation until it was too late.


	2. Chapter 2

Squalo and Bel sat together in the living room the next morning, watching TV. The boy, while still a little nervous about his new living arrangements, seemed happier than he had the day before; he had accepted his breakfast with a bright smile, and now, as he relaxed with Squalo, was straddling the older male's lap and running his tiny fingers through the silver locks as he tugged and pulled, just like the child he was.

Squalo was glad Bel was happy; it had been hard getting him to sleep the previous night in the spare room because the boy had whimpered and cried for his mother at first. Then, when Squalo believed he had finally settled the younger, nightmares had plagued the child's sleep until Squalo went in to spend the rest of the night with him; the teenager hadn't wanted to take the chance of Bel waking his boyfriend up, because that would be the end of them both otherwise.

"Squalo has a bruise on his neck." Bel spoke in his native tongue as he cocked his head to the side. He ghosted his little fingers over the discoloration, wondering how it had happened; it looked so tiny, he couldn't wrap his head around how it had gotten there.

"Yeah, brat." Replying back so easily, he may as well have come from the boy's homeland as well, Squalo shrugged. "That's why I don't want you left alone with my boyfriend. I'm glad he hasn't woken since you've been here; it's a bit of peace for a while."

"What's your boyfriend's name? Is it Xanxus? Because when you and your friend were talking yesterday, I heard that word being said heaps."

"Yeah, that's it. And my friend's name is Dino." Squalo sighed as he threaded his gloved fingers through his hair.

"Dino." Bel cocked his head to the side as he tried to get used to rolling the word off his tongue; these names were tricky for him to pronounce. "Dino…"

Squalo smiled at the thick accent Bel spoke with, certain that the child would get better speaking Italian over time; he was sure his new charge didn't know much Italian, if any at all, so it wasn't surprising he was having trouble rolling the correct pronunciations off his tongue. "You'll get the hang of it."

Bel giggled as he wrapped his arms around Squalo's neck and snuggled in close. "Squalo, I don't want to watch TV anymore; I don't understand what they're saying."

"Then what do you want to do, brat?"

"Will you play with me?"

Squalo frowned. "I'm not a little kid, brat."

"Please~? My brother isn't here for me to play with."

Squalo sighed at this, knowing not to be so hard on the child; it wasn't Bel's fault he was in this position, after all. "Alright. What do you want to play?"

"Hide-and-seek!"

Squalo smiled softly, almost about to agree – but the door slamming behind him quickly startled him out of all thoughts of entertaining the boy; his boyfriend was awake, and by the sounds of things, he was in a foul mood. "…"

"What the fuck is this?" The scarred teenager standing by the doorway glared furiously at Squalo as his red eyes narrowed in loathing. "Get that thing out of my sight before I snap its neck."

Squalo could feel Bel tense on his lap; though the boy couldn't understand what was being said, he could still sense the danger resonating from the newcomer. He spoke quietly so that only Bel could hear him as he ran a hand through golden locks. "It's okay, Bel; go upstairs and into the room you slept in. Lock the door and don't let him in. Okay?"

Bel nodded. He accepted the hand that grabbed his as Squalo stood up. He stuck to the teenager's side like glue as he was led closer to the angry male, and he couldn't help but begin to shake; the raven-haired male was terrifying, even when he was just standing there.

The boy scurried past the other once the raven's attention was on Squalo. He didn't stick around to listen; he did what he was told, soon finding solace in his new bedroom when shouting became audible through his closed door. He climbed up onto the bed and held his hands over his ears as he curled up into a ball, not used to yelling; was Squalo going to be okay? It was hard to know when he couldn't understand a word that was said.

The yelling, and soon enough the sounds of things breaking that soon accompanied it, died down eventually. Bel flinched when he heard a knock on his bedroom door, but when he recognised Squalo's voice, he moved to open it. He frowned up at the teenager as he lifted a hand to brush the tips of his fingers against what looked to be a bruise forming around the older male's eye. "Squalo…?"

"It's okay, Bel." Squalo threaded his fingers through golden locks. He tried to smile, but Bel was smarter than that; he knew that the smile he was seeing was forced, and that his new friend was anything but happy in this moment; Bel may have been young, but he could see through masks. "Let's stay in here for a while."

Bel nodded. He wrapped his arms around Squalo's waist before he looked up at the older male. "I don't like your friend…"

Squalo didn't know how to reply to that; he knew what he was doing was cruel to want to keep such an innocent party around a situation such as his, but what was he to do? He was already fond of Bel, and he was worried the boy wouldn't be cared for properly if he were to take him to authorities.

Was it really so bad of him that Squalo just wanted some sort of _purpose_ that _wasn't_ being his boyfriend's punching bag…? He was willing to care for Bel through thick and thin, and he knew that was all that mattered.

But part of Squalo knew deep down that the only thing he would be protecting the boy from was his boyfriend.

 _ **~~XX~~**_

When the fighting grew too much for Squalo to handle that same evening, he had taken Bel by the hand and dragged him out of the house without a look back before calling for a taxi to his house. Bel hadn't understood what was happening or why he had been rushed outside, and he was especially confused when a strange car pulled up in front of them and they got in it; what was Squalo doing?

"Squalo…?" Bel frowned as he looked up at his guardian. He wrapped his arms around one of the teen's and hugged it tight before he whispered, "What's happening…?"

"We're going into town." Squalo was patient as he let Bel climb into his lap. He patted golden locks in a soothing manner before he said, "We might even go to one of my friends' houses for the night after we have dinner. But first I'm going to buy you some new clothes."

Bel nodded. His eyes fixed on the scarf he had never seen Squalo without. He cocked his head to the side as he tugged at the fabric. "Does Squalo wear a scarf because of bruises…?"

"Yeah..." Squalo's eyes darted to the side; he didn't want to be talking about this with _Bel_ of all people, but he also didn't want to upset the boy; Xanxus was doing that enough as it was. His eyes darted to the side as he lifted a hand to run it through his silver locks; he didn't want to see the childish innocence on the boy's face he was afraid would one day vanish.

"Why does Squalo let someone hurt him?" Bel bit his lip; he couldn't fathom wanting to be around someone who hurt _him;_ if someone always yelled at and hit him, he would find a way to leave.

Squalo felt sick at this question; how could a little _boy_ know how stupid he was for staying with such an abusive partner? But it wasn't like he could just _leave_ ; _that_ would be suicide. At least if he were to stay and endure the abuse, he might come out of it alive and better off than if he were to try and escape – he had known what Xanxus was like before he had started to date the older male, but…

Well, Squalo knew how stupid he had been, how stupid he still _was,_ but was it so bad he had hope that maybe… just maybe… Xanxus would change his ways and come to love him in return…?

"…I don't know, Bel… Let's talk about something else, okay?"

Bel nodded, doing as told. "When will my mommy come back for me?"

Squalo's stomach churned at this question. He didn't know how to respond to it; he thought he had already made it clear to Bel that his family wasn't coming back for him, but…

It seemed that like Squalo, Bel also had hope that he hadn't _really_ been abandoned and his family would be back for him soon.

"…" Squalo closed his eyes. "I don't know, Bel…"

"I miss mommy…" Bel snuggled in against Squalo as a few tears rolled down his cheeks. "I miss her…"

"Bel…" With a sigh, Squalo ducked his head; why was the world so _cruel…?_

 _ **~~XX~~**_

"Bel, this is my friend, Lussuria. Lussuria, this is Belphegor."

Bel peeked out from behind Squalo so that he could look up at the stranger warily. It was another teenager, maybe a little older than Squalo, with a part of green hair and thick sunglasses hiding his eyes, despite the fact that they were inside. When they spoke, it was to Bel's glee that they, also, knew his native tongue.

"Aren't you just the cutest~?" The teenager named Lussuria got up from the bed he was sitting on so that he could come closer and pinch Bel's cheek. He laughed when the boy hid behind Squalo again, his hidden eyes shining with affection; he loved children, and he hoped that one day he could adopt his own. "Hello, sweetheart. You don't have to be afraid of me; I won't hurt you."

Squalo spoke, too, hoping to reassure the youngest. "Lussu is harmless, Bel. He wouldn't do anything to you."

Bel slowly emerged back out from behind Squalo. He eyed the other once more. He was still nervous, having always been shy around strangers, but at least _this_ stranger wasn't yelling and hitting Squalo and instead seemed rather friendly.

Ducking his head, Bel whispered, "H-hello…"

Lussuria would have loved nothing more than to wrap his arms around Bel and hug him tight, but he could understand that the child was afraid; he would be, too, if he were in the position Squalo had told him Bel was in.

Instead, in an attempt to make Bel feel more at ease, Lussuria turned his attention back to Squalo, making sure to speak in Russian so that Bel could understand, too; he would hate to make the little boy feel out of place.

Bel listened quietly to the older two talking. He picked at his clothing as he slowly felt a tad more comfortable around Lussuria; he couldn't pick up anything harmful from the other, and instead felt only comfort radiating from around the teen.

It was only natural Bel soon found the courage to ask what was on his mind. "Why do you wear sunglasses?"

The oldest two fell silent at this. Squalo bit his lip while Lussuria's smile turned into a deep frown. It took a while for Lussuria to respond to this question, and when he did, it was in a sad, almost pained tone.

"You see, Bel-chan…" Lussuria sighed. He had to pick his words carefully so that such a young child would understand. "…I live with my foster parents because… My biological mother doesn't like that I like other boys… She didn't like that, and… she… Well… She threw very hot liquids at my face when she caught me with my boyfriend… I wear sunglasses because… All around my eyes, it's just… scar tissue…"

Bel frowned in understanding. He stepped closer to Lussuria and brushed his tiny fingers against the other's cheeks; he could indeed feel the difference between his own skin and the skin he was feeling. He recognised makeup all over the other's face, and it made him wonder; was the teen wearing makeup so he could hide more burns…?

Lussuria couldn't help but smile at this. He grabbed Bel's hips and pulled the boy onto his lap. He chuckled as the other squirmed in surprise but soon quietened down and rested peacefully against his chest; Bel was just so adorable. "You're such a sweetheart, Bel-chan."

"'Bel-chan'?" Bel cocked his head to the side as he waited patiently for an explanation.

"It's a Japanese term of endearment. I use it because I feel it shows my affection."

Bel nodded, glad to understand a little bit more about the other, but there was still just one more thing that was bothering him. "Why doesn't your mommy like you liking boys? Were you only allowed to have girls as friends?"

Lussuria gave a sad smile; the younger's innocence was endearing. "It's a lot more complicated than that, Bel-chan. You'll understand when you're older."

Bel nodded. He was now feeling much more at ease around Lussuria; he trusted the teen to not hurt him or Squalo because he was good at knowing whether or not someone could be trusted, and he sensed no malice from the oldest male. He remained on the other's lap and curled up into a ball, allowing a yawn to escape to his lips. "I'm really sleepy… I woke up to Xanxus yelling again…"

"Squa-chan…" Lussuria frowned at Squalo; how many times had the younger been told to _leave_ Xanxus…?

Squalo shrugged. He scuffed at the ground with his shoe, looking anywhere but at Lussuria. "…"

Not wanting to argue in front of Bel, Lussuria instead sighed and said, "We'll talk about this later, Squa-chan."

Squalo nodded, knowing he wasn't going to get out of this – not when Lussuria knew that Bel had to endure Xanxus, too.

 _ **~~XX~~**_

With Bel having fallen asleep on Lussuria's lap and now tucked safely into the oldest male's bed, Lussuria and Squalo sat on the floor together, eating at the pizza his foster mother had cooked for them.

It was Lussuria who brought the subject up again.

"You can't be thinking of keeping Bel-chan in your house with _Xanxus_ there, surely?" Lussuria nibbled at the slice of pizza in his hand before he frowned. "You know what he'll do to Bel-chan…"

"I know…"

"If you know, why do you insist on putting Bel-chan through it, too?" The older male was gentle as he spoke. He hoped he would be able to talk sense into his friend; he couldn't bear to see such a sweet little boy get hurt. "Hasn't he been through enough? Squa-chan, he can stay here with me; he'll be safe and _happy_ here. No one would hurt him, and he won't have to be around the fighting."

Squalo shook his head. "He's staying with me… I'll do whatever I can to protect him, Lussuria; I won't let him get hurt. He'll be safe with me; he'll just hear it."

"Having to listen to what _he_ does constantly is still going to damage him; he's eight, and he doesn't need to develop anxiety because he can't get away from the conflict around him. I'm sure even Dino would be more than happy to look after him if you're more comfortable with that."

"He's _fine,_ Lussu!"

"…" Lussuria never wanted to fight with Squalo, but still… Couldn't Squalo understand that Bel didn't deserve to live in such a toxic environment? "…One day you'll realise that you should have listened, Squa-chan…"

Squalo bit back a shout and instead made a frustrated sound before he got to his feet and left the room; he needed to go for a walk to clear his head. In his absence, Lussuria could only stare at Bel, silently mourning for the inevitable; he knew that sooner or later, Xanxus was going to get to the blond, and the results would _not_ be pretty.

It was just a shame that Squalo was refusing to come to his senses simply because he didn't want to have to suffer alone. But even so, why couldn't he find someone older and more emotionally developed who could handle it? Not an eight-year-old _child_.

Lussuria knew that one day soon, Squalo was going to regret not listening to what his friends said, and when that day comes…

Well, Lussuria doesn't want to _think_ about what it could entail.


	3. Chapter 3

In the few short months that Bel had been living with Squalo, it had quickly become apparent to everyone who knew them that it didn't matter that Squalo was getting in between Xanxus and Bel and directing the oldest teen's attention onto himself; simply watching day-after-day as Xanxus would beat and rape and torture Squalo was still enough to traumatise the boy. Squalo knew that Bel was extremely unhappy with Xanxus around, but he was selfish; he was prepared to keep the boy in an abusive household as long as it meant he still had the younger with him.

Squalo knew it was cruel what he was doing, but he just couldn't help himself; was it so wrong he felt as if Bel was the only thing holding him together? Truthfully, he was afraid of what he would do without the child by his side.

"I'm going to be a little late picking you up today." Squalo adjusted the school jacket that was too big for Bel's scrawny body before he knelt down and tidied his charge's clothing. They were standing out the front of Bel's school, and the boy was hesitant to leave his guardian's side; he was very clingy to Squalo, and he always found it hard to be away from the other. "I have to see the doctor, but I promise I won't be too long."

Bel frowned. He lifted his arms up into the air to hug Squalo's neck. "I don't wanna go to school… Can we go into town instead…?"

"You've got to go to school, Bel; I won't be home to look after you, otherwise."

Bel pouted. He hated school because he was bullied so often, and with the environment he was living in, it didn't help his anxiety at all; instead, it only put him more on edge than he already was. "But it's my birthday…!"

"I know it is, but it's your last day of school for the year, brat; you _have_ to go." Squalo threaded his fingers through soft golden locks before he let out a sigh. "I tell you what; I'll pick you up early, and you can come to the doctor with me. Okay?"

A small smile crossed Bel's face at this; he was just glad that Squalo was finally compromising with him. "Can we get ice cream, too? And sushi? And can we stay at Dino's house so we don't have to go home? Please~? It's my birthday~"

Squalo didn't have the heart to argue against the boy when Bel simply wanted to have a happy birthday – and truthfully, Bel deserved having one; he had to put up with so much as it was. "Sure, Bel. I'll talk to the Bucking Horse soon. Now go to class, alright? I'll see you soon."

Bel nodded, doing as told; he loved Squalo too much to argue with his guardian. Leaning up onto his tiptoes, he kissed Squalo's cheek, a habit he had developed shortly after always having Lussuria kiss his cheek during greetings and farewells. "I love you, Squ~!"

"Yeah, brat." Squalo didn't know how to tell Bel that he loved the boy in return, so he settled for an awkward pat to his charge's shoulder. "Now go. Bye, Bel."

"Bye-bii~" Bel smiled brightly to himself as he turned to run to his class. He looked forward to his time with Squalo after school; today was going to be a good birthday – or so he thought, at least.

For a boy as young as Bel, the little blond could _never_ have guessed what was in store for him in just an hour or so.

 _ **~~XX~~**_

Bel sat in class, decorating the Christmas cards he had made for Squalo and the teen's friends. He was content, glad that the other students were leaving him alone; he liked being allowed to work by himself because he was bullied for being different. Bel didn't know how he was different; just that the other kids didn't like him.

The boy was happy, humming to himself as he put the finishing touches on Squalo's Christmas card; once he was finished this one, he would start on a card for his newest friend, Mammon. He liked the young woman Squalo had introduced him to a while ago, finding that she reminded him of the mother he so dearly missed.

But then, the classroom door opened and a note was delivered to him, with instructions to gather his belongings and meet his guardian in reception for a dentist appointment. This confused Bel greatly, knowing he didn't have a dentist appointment, but he figured that perhaps it was just Squalo coming to get him earlier than planned.

The boy gathered all of his belongings from his desk and then wandered out into the corridor to put them inside his bag, wondering if he was going to get sushi or ice cream first; he was looking forward to lunch with Squalo because he always loved eating out in town where he felt safer than at the teen's home. He was absentminded as he walked to reception, and once he entered through the door, he was about to smile and run to Squalo to hug the other tight – however, he faltered and donned a look of fear when he found Xanxus scowling at him with the same look of loathing he had long-since grown accustomed to on the other's face.

Bel gulped. As much as he didn't want to, he moved closer to Xanxus; he had already learnt that if he did anything to make people stop and look at them twice, he would get a beating when they were out of the public's eye. He was tense as he whispered, "…W-where's Squalo…?"

"Not here, scum." Xanxus grabbed Bel's wrist with crushing force. When he felt the younger trying to back away, he growled. He shook the boy violently before he hissed, " _Walk_ , trash."

Bel felt tears well up in his eyes as he followed Xanxus, too scared to disobey; he didn't want to be hurt like Squalo always was. "…"

Not another word was spoken between them as Bel was dragged home by the wrist with Xanxus roughly jerking him along whenever he felt the boy falling behind. Bel couldn't remember ever being so scared before; he had never been around Xanxus without Squalo with him, and now he understood why the silver-haired male had never left them alone; the scarred teenager was terrifying, and Bel just wanted to go back to school and never leave until Squalo came to get him.

It was when the front door to their home had been slammed shut behind them after what felt like an eternity did Bel finally break the silence with the most frightened whimper he had ever made. "Please d-don't hurt me…"

Xanxus' sneer morphed into a twisted leer at this tiny plea. "I'll do more than just 'hurt' you, scum. I'm going to make you regret having ever been _born_."

Somehow, Bel knew deep down that he was right to burst into tears of terror.

 _ **~~XX~~**_

Squalo had left school early due to his current illness. He had skipped lunch and instead planned to go home and try to get a bit of sleep before his doctor's appointment; he didn't see the point in pushing himself through classes when he felt too sick to learn what was being taught, so he might as well try and rest for a while instead. It was early afternoon by now, and hopefully Xanxus would still be asleep by the time he got home.

When he got home, Squalo didn't hesitate to unlock the door and step inside. He dropped his bag in the entrance hall before he trudged further in to curl up on the couch; there was no way he was going anywhere _near_ Xanxus by trying to sleep in his own bed – that would just defeat the purpose of trying to rest, after all. However, the closer he walked towards the living room, the more he noticed soft noises coming from upstairs, ones that sent a wave of panic through him; while he couldn't hear the noises properly, it sounded almost as if Bel was crying in distress – but was that even possible? The boy was at school.

Knowing he _had_ to investigate because he couldn't put it past Xanxus to have not done something, he walked past the couch and towards the staircase. His steps became more hurried as he realised that he _was_ hearing Bel cry out – but _why?_ Why was the boy not at school?

"Bel?!" Squalo ran up the stairs and to his bedroom. He froze the second he passed through the bedroom doorframe; what he was seeing… "Belphegor!"

The sight before Squalo made the silver-haired teen feel sick to his stomach. He doubled over, holding his stomach as he gagged; all that blood… And what Xanxus was _doing…_

Xanxus turned around at his boyfriend's voice. He sneered as he stilled his erratic movements deep inside in the boy's inside Bel's bloody anus. The silver-haired male wasn't oblivious to the knife in the older male's hand that was stained with the sticky red fluid and little specs of something Squalo didn't want to know about. The whole mattress beneath him and Bel was saturated in blood, and the clothing Bel had gone to school in looked as if it had been dyed completely red, his naturally pale skin covered in his own life fluid. "The fuck are _you_ doing back here so early?"

Squalo couldn't stop himself from vomiting as he caught sight of Bel's mutilated genitals; so _that_ was what was on the knife… It was rare for him to cry, but listening to his charge's weak whimpers and cries for help brought tears rolling down his cheeks; why hadn't he just listened when Bel said he wanted to do something for his birthday…? His _birthday,_ damnit…!

Xanxus looked back and forth between the younger two before a cruel sneer crossed his face. He pulled himself from Bel's body carelessly, eliciting another cry of pain from his victim, before he got off the bed. He cared nothing for the mess that was clinging to him; he instead said, "He's your problem now; I was just about to slit his throat when you walked in, but he's going to die soon anyway. He won't survive the trip to the hospital."

Squalo came to his senses at this, and he wasn't sure he had ever came to someone's side so quickly before. When he dropped onto the mattress, he was almost too scared to pull Bel into his arms and move him off the bed; there was no telling what had been done to him, but one thing was for sure; Bel needed a hospital _now_.

"It's okay, Bel." The teen adjusted Bel so that he was held comfortably in Squalo's arms before he turned to run back downstairs and out of the house. "It's okay."

Bel continued to cry and scream a little more before he fell completely silent, limp in Squalo's arms. The silver-haired male almost assumed the worst, but he could still hear the other's laboured breaths; Bel had just passed out from his injuries.

"Please be okay…" Not sure he had ever ran so far and so fast before, Squalo did his best to get to the hospital as soon as possible – he could only hope he was in time to save the boy, however.

 _ **~~XX~~**_

Not sure how long he had been pacing back and forth in the hospital wing for, Squalo finally stood still when a nurse approached him. He had no idea what to say, so when the woman asked for his name, he could only respond in a confused manner.

The nurse gave a sympathetic smile before she glanced over her clipboard once more, not wanting to break such bad news but knowing she had no other choice; it simply broke her heart to think about that poor little boy she and her comrades had continuously resuscitated. "I'm afraid there is no good news in what I am about to tell you. His injuries are horrendous, and for such a young boy… He has been raped, and from the damage, we believe it must have been happening for an extended period of time. He has stab wounds and gashes all over his body, and one of his genitals has been cut off. There is physical bruising all over him to suggest physical violence beforehand, and some of his back teeth are missing. His head was bleeding quite a lot, but we can't find any evidence of head trauma, and both of his legs have been broken."

Squalo felt as if he could throw up at this news, and he couldn't stop himself from crying; why hadn't he tried harder to protect Bel…? Why hadn't he… allowed Bel to have the day off school so he would be _safe…?_ "…Can I see him…?"

"Now is not a good time; he has slipped into a coma, and there is no telling when he's going to come out of it."

Squalo rubbed at his eyes; what else could he do…? Nothing. It was _his_ fault Bel was in his situation, and…

Quite frankly, Squalo was glad he couldn't see Bel right now, because he had no idea how he would react upon seeing the child.

Instead, thanking the nurse for her help, Squalo turned around to leave the hospital. He pulled his phone from his pocket and dialled for his best friend, knowing there was only one person who could help him.

"Bucking Horse…" Sniffing back tears as he heard the older male answer the call, Squalo tried to ignore the way his voice trembled so much.

"Squalo? What's happened?" Dino sounded worried, knowing that hearing his friend like this could only mean something terrible had happened. "Are you okay?"

Shaking his head despite knowing the blond wouldn't even know, Squalo simply said, "I should have listened… I need you to take Bel…"

"What?" The other didn't hesitate to agree; if it would get Bel away from Xanxus, he would agree to anyone that was asked of him. "Yeah, of course. I'll come and get him right away."

"Don't… He's not at my house…"

"Where is he?" Dino felt sick at this; he had his suspicions as to where Bel was – and when they were proven, he could almost cry; why did Squalo have to be so _stubborn?_

"Hospital… In a coma…"

"Squalo… Squalo, come and stay the night with me. It's going to be okay; I'll take care of Bel from now on."

Squalo nodded to himself. He dropped to his knees as he cried his heart out. He couldn't care less about the people who stopped to stare at him; he needed to cry, and he was doing it.

If Bel died… Squalo knew it was all _his_ fault for being so selfish. He should have listened to his friends when they told him to keep Bel away, but he hadn't done so. Now, the child was in a coma he might not even wake up from.

And everything was _his_ fault.


	4. Chapter 4

It had taken a month for Bel to come out of his coma, and when he had finally awoken, Squalo wasn't sure he was prepared for whatever was waiting for him – and then, just seconds after Bel had tilted his head to see who was in the room with him, Squalo _definitely_ knew he wasn't prepared; it broke his heart to hear the boy scream in absolute terror.

Dino had been at the hospital, too. He was understanding when his friend said he needed to leave the room, and he listened carefully when the nurses came in to examine Bel and give him a check over. He had known to expect a little bit of cognitive haze due to the coma, but hearing Bel not saying a word to any of them worried him; could that be because of the injuries? The coma? The… the _trauma…?_

Either way, it was clear Bel wasn't going to speak any time soon; no matter what prompts he had been given by the nurses, not a word spilt from his mouth.

"Is there a reason he won't talk?" Dino sat by the bed. He stared up at the nurses in worry as one of them wiped down Bel's body with some wet wipes; Bel was usually so talkative when he felt safe, so this kind of silence was unusual when Xanxus wasn't around.

"Well, it's too early to tell exactly why, but it's not uncommon for someone in his situation to be so quiet." The other nurse who had been writing information down on her clipboard took the empty seat next to Dino, and her voice was gentle as she explained things. "I don't believe he has a head injury as the CT scans did not show any damage to his skull or brain. He could still be very confused from the coma; they are not like in the movies; he will not just wake up and be perfectly fine. However, since he hasn't been in the coma for all that long, he will recover at a much faster rate, and he will not be a vegetable. What I am most concerned about is his mental health; he has suffered something truly traumatising, and it's not uncommon for trauma victims to become mute."

"Mute?" Dino's eyes widened at this; if Bel became mute… Then… "Do… Do you think that's what it is…?"

"I think so, yes. The good news is, most people who are electively mute begin speaking again sooner or later; it just takes a while and some therapy for them to begin talking again. If he _is_ electively mute, he's going to need a lot of love and patience for him to feel safe again, and I cannot stress the importance of therapy enough. He's going to need all the support he can get if he is to get better again."

Dino nodded. He wished he could reach out and take Bel's hand, but he was afraid to do so; the last thing he wanted was to frighten the child any more than he already was. "I was talking to my friend about when Bel gets better. I think I'm going to move to Japan with him to try and give him a fresh start somewhere else."

"That is a very good idea, but make sure to give it some time before you take him there; he needs to rest first or else he may find it extremely stressful and difficult to cope."

"Yeah, I will." Dino offered a shy smile before he looked back to Bel. He found the boy rolling over to his side now that he had been bathed. His back was to Dino, the boy seemingly turning to look out of the window, and he could only wonder what was going through the younger blond's mind – then again, he wasn't sure he _wanted_ to know. "Do you think Bel will be okay…?"

"I think so; his injuries have mostly healed by now. He's going to have a lot of scars left over, but we otherwise expect him to make a full recovery physically."

Dino nodded. He got to his feet as he looked back at the nurse. "I should check on my friend and make sure he is okay; he's taking this very hard."

"As expected." The nurse, also, stood up. She patted Dino's shoulder as she offered a comforting smile. "Make sure to take care of your friend; Belphegor isn't the only one who will need support in this time."

Dino understood; he understood very well; all of their friends had been shaken after hearing what Xanxus had done, but there was nothing any of them could do; even if they were to call the police, Xanxus wasn't going to be arrested – and if he was, he would get out within days, if not hours; he came from a very powerful family, and this would not be the first time he had gotten away with such atrocious crimes.

No; it was better for everyone to pretend nothing had ever happened; that way, they would all keep their lives.

 _ **~~XX~~**_

Bel didn't know how long he had been staring out of the window for; all he knew was that the sun had set, and now he could no longer see the trees that were swaying in the strong wind. He lifted a hand to rub at his eyes, but he flinched when he heard his sheets rustle from the IV cords he had disturbed; he was terrified of Xanxus coming back for him, and the last thing he wanted was to have to go through that again.

Bel didn't know what he had done to provoke Xanxus' wrath; he had simply followed his every-day routine and gone to school like Squalo had asked him to. He had had breakfast in town with his guardian, and he had crept out of his bedroom silently and turned the TV down as low as it would go so he didn't wake Xanxus. He had even dressed himself for school and cried in silence when Xanxus' kitten had attacked him.

What had Bel done wrong that morning? Maybe he would never know for sure, but one thing was for certain; what Xanxus had done to him was _Bel's_ fault. He had done something wrong, had motivated the other's attack, and no amount of begging and promises to never tell anyone had been enough to stop the teenager from hurting him.

Bel was terrified, too scared to sleep lest he dream about what had happened. Instead, he lay there in silence, staring out of the window at the blackened world, crying as he trembled, fighting against the sleep that so badly wanted to consume him.

Bel didn't want to relive that morning; he wanted to forget it had ever happened – but no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't stop playing it over, and over, and over again in his mind.

For the first time in his life, Bel wanted to _die_.


	5. Chapter 5

Bel hadn't liked the idea of being taken away from Squalo to live in a country he was very unfamiliar with, but he hadn't voiced his wishes – in fact, even two months after having awoken from his coma, he hadn't said _anything_ ; he had just sat there, staring whenever people spoke to him and crying if others came too close. It had broken Squalo's heart to help Dino organise their move to Japan, but he had learnt his lesson; never again would he _ever_ do the right thing by someone else and take them into his home.

Bel had been okay on the flight to Japan; he had slept for most of the trip, the heavy prescription drugs he was now taking always making him very drowsy and knocking him out for a while. He had woken up with just a few hours of the flight left, and had spent the time playing with his toys and reading the Japanese dictionary Dino had bought for him at the airport; Dino had high hopes that Bel would learn the Japanese language quickly; he had clicked onto Italian much faster than he had expected when Squalo sat down with him and taught it to him – hopefully the same results would be seen here.

Bel had been fine until the plane had landed at the airport and everyone stood up to file out. When Dino had stood as well, Bel whimpered loudly and reached out, grabbing the teenager's shirt and trying to pull him back. Tears rolled down the boy's cheeks as he shook his head and hid behind his new guardian as people stared.

"It's okay, Bel," Dino promised. He reached out so that he could pat golden locks affectionately. "We just have to get off the plane now. Okay?"

Bel started crying harder at this, knowing that he was expected to join the large queue of people trying to get off the plane; it had been hard enough for him to board it at the back of the line, so why was the older male trying to make him do this…? "…"

The teenager was quick to understand now; Bel was afraid of being crowded. Ever since the attack, it had been extremely difficult for him to cope when a stranger came near him, much less a whole horde of them; the boy must be scared of someone hurting him again.

Dino sat back down with Bel. He reached out and wrapped his arms around the boy to hold him close; he didn't mind waiting for other people as long as it helped make his charge feel a little better. "We'll wait for everyone else to get off. It's okay."

Bel nodded. He returned the hug as tears continued to roll down his cheeks. He was afraid of being so close to Dino and letting the other hold him like this, but in the here and now, he would take the blond's comforting arms over _any_ of those strangers in a heartbeat; he knew and trusted the stronger male, and Dino was so kind to him…

Dino wasn't like Xanxus, and Bel _knew_ that.

When most of the other passengers had cleared off the plane, Dino got back to his feet. He grabbed his bag from beneath the chair in front before he looked down at Bel. He smiled when he found the younger grabbing his own belongings. "Alright, let's go. Have you got everything?"

Bel nodded. He held his backpack tight against his chest as he stood up, and he made sure to hide behind his guardian as his little legs struggled to keep up with Dino's big strides. He shifted his bag beneath one arm so that he could reach out to wrap tiny fingers around his fellow blond's own digits; he trusted Dino to lead him to safety.

Bel didn't look up until Dino stopped them both by a bench situated near the entrance of the terminal. He frowned when he felt hands pushing on his shoulders to get him to sit, and his anxiety spiked as he wondered what was Dino doing; was the teen about to leave him alone…?

The child let out a loud whimper as he jumped back up so that he could wrap his arms around Dino's neck. He quivered at the fear that was consuming him, scared that the blond was about to leave him just like his family had; not a day went by when he didn't think about the way his mother had told him to stay in the alley way and they would be back for him soon – he couldn't go through that again, especially not now.

"It's okay," Dino promised as he rubbed Bel's back. "I'm just getting the rest of our bags from the collection area. I'll only be a few minutes, and you can see what I'm doing. I just don't want you to feel scared with so many people around us."

Bel sniffed as he reluctantly sat back down on the bench. He wiped at his eyes as he watched Dino leave, and he couldn't help but rock slightly as worry consumed him; why was the world so _stressful_ now?

Bel was thankful that Dino wasn't gone for too long; he liked how their bags had been some of the first to come out on the conveyer belt because it meant less time having to be around so much crowding.

"Let's get a taxi and they'll take us straight to our new home." Dino smiled down at his charge, hoping Bel would be okay; it was going to take a lot of love and reassurance to help him heal from what Xanxus had put him through, but hopefully this fresh start would be enough for him.

After all, Dino was sure that if it were he in Bel's shoes, _he_ would appreciate moving away to somewhere he wouldn't have to be constantly reminded of something so cruel.

 _ **~~XX~~**_

The apartment Dino was renting was nothing extravagant; it was very small, with the biggest room in the building being the bedroom that took up more than half of the apartment by itself. It was situated on the third floor of the apartment complex with a balcony attached to the bedroom, and it took Dino seconds to realise that it was already Bel's favourite area; the little boy had wandered through the apartment for several minutes looking very lost until he had finally taken notice of the balcony and gone out to it, immediately leaning over the railings and looking down at the busy streets beneath him.

Dino hadn't taken long to come out and join his charge on the balcony; it had been too long a journey to not relax for a while. He stood next to Bel and surveyed the streets below them as he said, "You like it out here, huh?"

Bel nodded. He picked at the white paint on the railing, but even though his mouth moved, he remained silent as he looked up at the grey sky, hearing the soft rumble of thunder off in the distance. He frowned as he felt the first rain drops fall onto his face, knowing he would have to come back inside – but all he wanted was to sit out here forever, somewhere he could just let thoughts flow through his mind and not have to feel as if he were in danger.

"Let's go back inside now, Bel. You can help me unpack." Dino slid the glass door open once more so that they could step through it. He opened his mouth to speak again, only to stop as he watched Bel leave the door wide open so that he could lay down next to it and stare up into the sky. "Bel, it's dangerous to be so close to doors and windows when it's storming. Come back in."

Bel didn't seem to hear these words; he simply laid where he was, hardly moving an inch. Dino sighed, deciding the boy would be okay; if the storm became any worse, he would move his charge then.

While Dino moved further into the apartment to unpack all of their belongings, Bel remained where he was. His obscured eyes were glazed over as he recalled that day, remembering everything Xanxus did to him. The boy liked Dino – he really did! – but just like everyone else, he was afraid of talking to his guardian, terrified of somehow making the other mad and provoking another attack, just like how he had made Xanxus hurt him. That day had been his fault, and if never talking again would prevent it from happening, then he would do so.

Bel _never_ wanted to have to suffer the way Xanxus had made him suffer again.

 _ **~~XX~~**_

Night had long-since fallen, and Dino had already rolled out the futons side-by-side and declared it bedtime. Dino hadn't had a problem falling asleep, but Bel had laid there for what felt like an eternity, tossing and turning as even the slightest feeling of tiredness evaded him. He was wide awake, and his head was a mess.

Finally giving up on sleep, Bel sat up and left his futon so that he could creep over to the balcony. He slid the door open and moved into the fresh air, looking down at the street beneath him. It was dark, with street lights illuminating the paths as one or two people walked under them every now and then. There weren't as many cars travelling past as there had been during the day, leaving a much more serene feeling about the balcony.

It took a few minutes of watching the world go past, but soon enough, Bel forgot all about the chaotic mess in his head as his eyelids started to droop and a yawn escaped his lips. He walked back into the apartment, but he made sure to leave the door wide open so that the light of the moon could wash over him.

"Belphegor…?" Dino lifted his head from the pillow as the sound of Bel's footsteps woke him. He was sleepy as he reached out, but he didn't touch just yet; he instead watched as the boy got back beneath the sheets on his futon. "Are you okay…?"

Bel nodded. He whimpered when strong arms grabbed him and pulled him closer to his guardian. He was tense for a few seconds, but when he heard Dino start to snore, he relaxed; the teenager was simply holding him close.

Bel decided that he liked being held by Dino like this; it wasn't a frightening embrace, and instead it made him feel safe and secure in the other's arms. He moved closer and snuggled in against his fellow blond before he closed his eyes and he, too, finally drifted off into sleep. The nightmares never ceased, but they weren't as bad as they usually were – and maybe that was because he had Dino there to soothe him back into rest when the nightmares made him wake up screaming.


	6. Chapter 6

**There is implied BelxOC in this chapter, but this is not the actual pairing; I can't say why it's in here without spoiling anything, but it will only last for a few chapters.**

In all the years that had passed since Bel and Dino had moved to Japan, Bel hadn't gotten any better; he was still mute, and though he made little sounds every now and then, he had not uttered a single word since waking up from his coma. Dino had no idea what to do to help Bel, but he had never stopped trying, hoping that one day he would find something that would help ease his charge's crippling anxiety.

Alas, nothing had helped, and Bel had no other choice but to try and get through each day while living in absolute terror.

"Are you okay, Bel?" Dino stepped into his charge's bedroom one morning to wake the boy up for school. He frowned as he noticed the way the younger was already awake and sitting on the edge of his bed, staring blankly down at his lap. It was greatly concerning to see Bel like this; it looked as if he were contemplating life, and that was never a good sign. "Did you have nightmares again?"

Bel slowly turned his head to look at his guardian. His lips twitched before he frowned. He nodded before he moved back on his bed and laid down and tugged at the hem of his pyjama shirt, his eyes unable to meet Dino's gaze. "…"

"I'm sorry, Bel. If I had known, I would have made you a hot chocolate." The young man stepped further into the room so that he could sit by the sixteen-year-old's side. He reached out and threaded his fingers through oily blond locks; how he wished Bel could have more respect for himself... "Will you go and take a shower before school, Bel? Your hair is getting a bit dirty. When did you last shower?"

Bel lifted his hand into the air to show the other four digits. "…"

"Four days ago?" Dino hated to know that the younger was so depressed, and as much as he wished he could do something to help, he didn't know what; it wasn't _Bel's_ fault that he was letting himself go because he had no motivation for anything. When he received a nod in response, he sighed. "Please go and have a shower before school. I'll make you a milkshake for breakfast if you do."

Bel hesitated before he stood up. He switched his heater on before he left the room and headed towards the bathroom. Dino followed him so that he could glance into the bathroom quickly to make sure there was nothing sharp left within the boy's reach. He was just in time to see the smaller blond unravelling bandages from both arms because Bel had fallen into a habit of self-harming, and it broke his heart to know that his charge was like this all because someone had only tried to do the right thing and give him a home when he had none.

When he was satisfied that there was nothing Bel could hurt himself with inside the bathroom, he reached out and pulled the door shut to give his charge some privacy. He made his way to the kitchen so he could start on breakfast, and by the time Bel joined him at the kitchen table half-an-hour later, he gave the younger his meal and the milkshake that had been promised.

"I've got some news for you, Bel." Dino waited until he had grabbed the boy's attention before he spoke again. "There will be a new student joining us today. She's a transfer student."

Bel frowned. He hated to hear that there would just be another person in his class to make him feel uncomfortable; he had wanted to drop out of school so many times, but he didn't know how to convey his wishes to Dino, and even if he did, he knew the older blond wouldn't allow it; Dino only wanted the best for him, and the man believed that finishing school would be the best thing for Bel. "…"

Dino glanced at his wristwatch once he had finished the last of his breakfast. When he noticed the time, he stood up and went back to his own bedroom to finish getting ready for his day of teaching; he was glad to have been able to get a job as a teacher at Bel's school, knowing that his presence would help put the boy slightly at ease – and that was what Bel needed; someone he knew and trusted with him to help get him through such a stressful time.

It only took a few minutes for Dino to get dressed out of his pyjamas, and when he returned to the kitchen to check on his charge, he was just in time to see Bel throwing his breakfast into the bin and then shifting the contents to try and hide the evidence. He jumped when he turned around and saw Dino watching him, and a guilty frown crossed his face; he knew he had been caught in the act, and he felt ashamed of himself now for wasting the food Dino had prepared for him.

"Bel, if you aren't hungry, then just leave it on the table." Dino remained as gentle as he could be; he knew he couldn't get mad with Bel, especially when the younger was only trying not to worry his guardian. "I need to know how much you're eating so I can make sure you won't get sick. It's alright if you're not feeling hungry; you know I won't force you to eat."

Bel nodded hesitantly. He knew that Dino wasn't lying and instead was telling him the truth – but still, it made him uncomfortable to know that people were so concerned about his eating disorder, they had to monitor him whenever food was concerned – hell, he had to be monitored all day every day because he was on suicide watch. "…"

"Are you ready for school?" Dino was patient as he asked about Bel's progress in getting ready; it was a well-known fact that the boy hated going to school and often 'forgot' to do things so he could arrive late.

Bel nodded. He went back to his bedroom so that he could grab his schoolbag. It was light, the boy having not packed anything into it; he was waiting until they were just about to leave so that he could tug on his guardian's sleeve and point back to the house to tell Dino he had 'forgotten' some stuff.

The boy left his bedroom so that he could sit in the living room and wait for Dino; he knew they still had a few minutes before they would leave. He turned the TV on and curled up on the couch; he wished he could stay here all day and never have to go to school again.

It didn't take long for the older blond to tell Bel that they were leaving, and though he cooperated at first, he certainly didn't hesitate in trying to delay leaving for as long as he could; he hated school so much, he wished enough people would die there so he would never have to go back again.

 _ **~~XX~~**_

Bel rarely paid attention to his classes, and everyone knew it. He would just stare out of the window or draw all over his papers and textbooks; anything but listen to what was being taught. In fact, he had been dozing off at his desk when he felt someone shake his shoulder. When he lifted his head from the desk, he blinked sleepily at Dino. "…?"

"Bel, this is Ayane Kato." Dino gestured to the girl standing behind him. She was a teenager who looked to be about fifteen or sixteen, with long black hair that was held up in a bun and some stray strands framing her face as they rested against her chest. She was smiling at Bel, and her dark eyes were soft as she surveyed the blond. "Is it okay if I partner you two up for today's project? She's the new student I was telling you about."

Bel blushed as he nodded. He looked down to his lap; he had never had Dino pair him up for a project before, but he didn't mind today; Ayane was so pretty, and he wanted to look at her some more.

"Great." Dino smiled. He patted Bel's shoulder before he gestured to the empty desk across from the boy. "You may sit here, Kato-chan. Bel is very shy around strangers, so he won't talk to you, but he will still help you if you need it; just let him know what you're having trouble with and he will communicate with you as best he can."

"Thank you very much, sensei." Ayane bowed respectfully to her teacher before she took her seat and smiled at Bel. Bel's blush darkened as he reached down to grip his pant legs tightly; he had never had female attention like this before, and it made all sorts of feelings bubble around in his stomach.

"Here is the project details." Dino laid two sheets out before his students as he said, "I'm sure you'll be fine, Kato-chan; I find it incredibly doubtful to think you two will receive bad grades while you're working together."

Ayane looked at the details in curiosity, but Bel didn't care to see what was required of them; his mouth was going dry as he continued to stare at his new project partner instead. She was so pretty, and Bel was a stranger to attraction; could this be the 'crush' everyone talked about? Dino had always told him he might one day find someone who makes him feel different, but he hadn't expected to find that person so soon, if at ever.

Forcing himself to look away lest he make Ayane uncomfortable – despite Bel's innocence towards such intimate topics, he certainly knew what it was like to get upset when people wouldn't take their eyes off him – he turned his attention to the world outside of the window as he tried to fight back his blush; he wasn't used to feeling like this, and it was going to take some time to get used to.

"Belphegor-san?"

Bel felt his breath catch in his throat as a hand smaller than his own touched his arm. He turned back to Ayane as his body shuddered beneath the touch; he normally felt scared when others touched him, but instead the girl sent a strange feeling through him that wasn't… wasn't _bad_. "…"

"Want to go work in the library together?" Ayane's voice was soft, comforting, and Bel didn't know why but it was enough to make him nod in a stupid manner. The girl smiled before he patted Bel's arm and then raised her hand into the air. "Sensei, may we work in the library together?"

Dino nodded; he was glad to see that Bel didn't look as tense as he usually did in school; instead, the boy seemed a little more relaxed as he watched his project partner. "Yes, of course. Let me just sign you both out of class."

The two students gathered their belongings before they got to their feet and approached Dino. They accepted the slips that were handed to them, but just before they left, the teacher put his hand on Bel's shoulder to keep the boy in place. He spoke in a low tone so that only Bel could hear him, knowing no one else needed to know what kind of things the older blond said to his charge – it was between him and Bel and didn't concern anyone else. "You're doing well, Bel; keep it up."

Bel sent a shy smile to his guardian before he hurried after Ayane; while she had already left the classroom, he wanted to walk beside her. He trembled slightly in anxiety as he felt their arms brush together, so he moved slightly to the side so that there was a little more distance between them; as pretty as she was, he didn't think he was ready to be _too_ close to her just yet.

"I don't know where exactly the library is, Belphegor-san; can you lead the way?"

Bel nodded. His hands shook from nerves as he held his belongings tight, and his face darkened once again as his shyness overwhelmed him; this was so much responsibility for him, and he didn't want to mess up and embarrass himself because he wanted for Ayane to like him, too.

"So you really don't talk?" Ayane didn't sound judgemental; instead, just curious. When she received a nod in response, she asked, "Are you just really shy or something?"

Bel frowned at the question. He decided it would be better to just nod and leave it at that; he didn't want the girl to know about what he had been put through, sure that it would frighten her off if she knew why he hadn't spoken a single word since his ninth birthday. "…"

"That's okay." Ayane smiled. "Maybe one day you'll say a few words so I can hear your voice."

Bel licked his lips as he remembered back to how he had once been. It had been so long ago since he had been happy, he couldn't even remember what his voice sounded like. "…"

It didn't take long to arrive at the library, and once they had signed in, Bel led the girl over to a small table tucked away in the quietest part of the library. He laid his books down carefully on the surface before he took a seat and watched Ayane do the same.

"Have you read the details yet?" Ayane moved closer to Bel as the blond shook his head. She laid her sheet in front of them, summarising the project for the blond. "Well, basically we just have to choose something and write an essay in English for part one, and then we have to research its Japanese counterparts for another English essay. What part do you want to do?"

Bel didn't hesitate to pull a notepad out from his pile of textbooks and take a pen from his pocket next. He put the pen down so that he could point to the number one on the sheet.

"Okay. And then for the last part, we'll do that together once we finish the first two." Ayane pushed the sheet away as a thought crossed her mind. "What should we write about?"

Bel didn't hesitate to grab his pen and draw kanji on the project sheet. "…"

"Yakuza? What about for the English counterpart? What's that called?"

Writing elegant English next to the kanji, Bel spelt out mafia. He smiled proudly as he pulled his pen away, hoping the other would agree with him; he had always liked the mafia, finding them to be very interesting and worthy of his time to write about.

"Mafia?" Ayane nodded. "Sure. We'll do this. I'll go and find some books for us to look through."

Bel nodded. He looked out of the window as he waited patiently for his new friend to return; he really liked spending time with her. He was glad when the girl returned with an armful of books, and when he reached out to take one, he couldn't help but blush scarlet as his fingers brushed against the back of her hand. "…"

Ayane didn't seem bothered at all by his touch; she instead smiled as she reached out and put her hand on the back of Bel's. Speaking in a quiet tone, she said, "It's okay; I don't mind if you touch me."

Bel was too naïve and innocent to understand what she meant; he instead took her words as an invitation to ghost the tips of his fingers over her hand and feel just how soft and smooth her skin was. He could feel his palms getting sweaty from nerves as he focused on the way her hand seemed to fit against his perfectly, but when she lifted a hand to cup his face, he gasped and pulled away, frightened of anyone touching his face; it brought back memories of Xanxus he wished he didn't have.

"It's okay; I'm not going to hurt you." Ayane held her hand in the air as she spoke in a gentle voice. "It's alright. I won't hurt you."

Bel's breathing was unsteady as he watched the hand slowly come back to his face. He tried so hard to keep calm, but he couldn't help but jerk away after a few seconds with his heart pounding anxiously against his chest.

"It's okay. It's alright. You're safe." Ayane allowed her hand to finally close the distance and rest her palm against Bel's cheek. The boy's breathing was panicked, and his body trembled at the touch, but he forced himself to remain still; he had to know what she was doing to him, and if it would be different from Xanxus. "Good boy. Good boy, Belphegor-san."

Bel flinched when he felt the hand on his face begin to move. He was frightened at first, but he slowly calmed down as he felt the girl caressing the side of his face; no one had ever given him this kind of touch before, and he couldn't help but acknowledge that it felt… nice. Licking his lips, he hesitantly pressed into the touch. "…"

Ayane smiled. She couldn't help but look at Bel's lips. They looked so soft and pale, and she didn't have to ask to know that he had never been kissed before; his reactions and shyness said everything she needed to know. She slid her thumb sideways so that she could rub his lips, and her smile grew when she earned a soft sound of surprise in return. Leaning forward, she was fully intent on pressing her lips against his, but she stopped when she heard footsteps approaching them.

"Belphegor-san, I didn't know you had a girlfriend."

Bel frowned as he noticed three of the younger students approaching them. It wasn't that he was unhappy to see them, but he had been enjoying what Ayane was doing and wished he could know how it would have ended. "…"

"Oh, no, I'm not his girlfriend." Ayane put her hands in the air as she shook her head. She smiled at the little brunet who had spoken before she continued on. "I only just met him in class; I'm new to this school."

The brunet smiled back in a shy manner as he dropped his books onto the table. "What's your name?"

"Kato Ayane. What about you guys?"

The brunet gestured to himself. "Sawada Tsunayoshi. This is Gokudera-kun and Yamamoto. We're friends with Belphegor-san."

The tallest of the trio who Ayane had been introduced to as Yamamoto laughed cheerfully as he watched the way Bel shyly his his face against Ayane's shoulder. "Are you sure you two aren't dating? Bel never acts like that around anyone; he's scared of being touched."

Ayane shook her head. "We're really not; we've only just met."

The silver-haired male known as Gokudera scoffed at this, but it was Tsuna who spoke again. "It looked as if you were about to kiss him."

Ayane didn't know how to reply to that; she knew most people would look down on her for how quickly she had been coming on to someone she had only just met, but Bel didn't seem to mind; if anything, he looked as if he had been enjoying it. "…"

"Oh, well, it doesn't matter. Now that we're all here, let's work together." Yamamoto dropped his own belongings next to Tsuna's before he pulled out a chair and took a seat at the table.

Ayane nodded, glad that the question had been dodged. She grabbed one of the books she had brought over earlier and opened it to read, but what she was really focused on was the way Bel seemed to inch his way closer to her every now and then, as if he wanted to be next to her but was just too shy to close the distance.

It was normal for Bel to not get his work done, but today was for a different reason; all he could think about was the way the girl had touched him earlier, and to his surprise, he found himself wanting Ayane to caress him again.

It had been many years since Bel had found himself _wanting_ to be touched, but here he was, spending his day subtly trying to get Ayane's attention so she would put her hands on him once again.

 _ **~~XX~~**_

When school had finished and Dino had taken Bel home, the man had made his charge a milkshake before he sat down on the couch with him. He glanced at the anime Bel was watching before saying, "Tsuna told me he saw Ayane about to kiss you in the library today. What's that about?"

Bel frowned at his guardian before he blushed instead. He put his milkshake down on the coffee table in front of them so that he could instead grab the pen and notepad that was always left there for when the boy needed to communicate. He drew a line beneath what he had written down previously before he wrote in neat Italian, _'I asked Tsuna and he said Ayane likes me.'_

Dino chuckled. "Is that so? Do you like her, too?"

Bel's blush darkened as he nodded. He took another sip of his milkshake before he wrote, _'She's really pretty. She stroked my face in the library. She played with my hair when we had lunch together, too.'_

"That's really good." Dino was glad to see that Bel was coming out of his shell a little more, so he encouraged the boy's behaviour; the younger desperately needed to make friends, and this could be the thing that helped him open up to others just a little more. "Do you want to date her?"

Bel nodded. A huge smile broke out on his face at this question before it suddenly disappeared and a look of uncertainty took its place. Hesitating, he wrote, _'But I don't want to have sex or be naked with her.'_

"I know, Bel. You might never want that with anyone. If you begin to date her, make sure you tell her that so she knows not to expect anything from you."

Bel nodded. He put his notepad back down on the coffee table, a sign that he no longer wanted to communicate for the time being. He turned his attention to his milkshake and the TV so that he could watch the rest of his anime as he sipped at his treat. Dino patted his shoulder as he stood up and left the room, hoping that things would work out for Bel and maybe, finally having a girlfriend would help him heal from his trauma.


	7. Chapter 7

**I forgot to add in before the previous chapter an author's note. Regarding the OC, this is NOT an OC pairing, and you'll probably get an idea of why the last chapter was written that way with this one.**

To say that Bel had been disappointed when Ayane missed a day of school was an understatement; he had been spending the past week with her, and he had grown so used to her touches that he could feel himself craving more of them.

It was also the day Tsuna had missed school, too, leaving Bel sitting up on the rooftop with Gokudera and Yamamoto for lunch. It wasn't that he didn't like being there with them, but the two were fighting more than usual, and it made him extremely uncomfortable.

Like now, as Gokudera ranted on about something Yamamoto had – or hadn't, Bel wasn't sure – done last night.

"I told you to leave it well alone and yet what did you do? You went and did it anyway!" The silver-haired male waved his chopsticks at the taller male as his green eyes narrowed in annoyance. Yamamoto was frowning, and his eyes conveyed a drained expression which told Bel that he was tired of fighting with the other all the time. "I told you why but you didn't listen! You never listen!"

"Gokudera, you're upsetting Bel." Yamamoto looked at his friend. It broke his heart to see Bel curling in on himself as he sniffed back tears; the boy was someone he wanted to protect, and he hated seeing him like this. "We can talk about this later."

Gokudera threw his hands into the air in frustration, but all it had accomplished was making Bel yelp and raise his arms over his face, as if to try and block a punch only he had seen coming. The boy shuddered as he started crying harder, remembering back to how often he had seen Xanxus raise his hand to Squalo.

"Bel, it's okay." Yamamoto closed the distance between them as he forgot all about the silver-haired male he was dating and instead focused on trying to calm Bel down. "It's alright. You know we won't hurt you. It's alright."

Gokudera didn't say anything at this; he simply folded his arms against his chest and glared off into the distance. He hadn't meant to upset Bel, but sometimes it was easy to forget the boy was there when he just wouldn't speak.

"Bel? I'll go and get you a chocolate milk. It's okay. I'll be back in a few minutes." Yamamoto got to his feet and hurried away, intending on getting his friend his favourite drink in hopes it would help the older male calm down; sometimes the boy just needed something to distract himself with, and sucking on the straws in his milk cartons sometimes helped.

Leaving Bel and Gokudera alone, it was the silver-haired male who spoke, in a voice that wasn't quite rough, but not exactly kind, either; it was a mix of curiosity and disapproval, and perhaps even jealousy. "What do you see in her anyway?"

Bel wiped at his eyes and hiccupped at this question. Tears flowed down his cheeks as he pulled his phone from his pocket so that he could type out his response and show it to the younger. _'She's really nice to me'._

Gokudera shook his head. He felt felt frustration towards the blond for being so easily duped; he had seen her kind multiple times before, and he didn't trust her; Bel was too inexperienced to know any better, but anyone who would attempt to kiss and seduce someone through touches after just meeting them was _not_ someone with pure intentions. "She's only going to use you."

Bel cocked his head to the side as he frowned; what did Gokudera mean by this? What would she use him for? He didn't _feel_ used…

Gokudera narrowed his eyes; why the fuck did this kid have to be so… so fucking _innocent?_ It pissed him off! "She's only going to try and fuck you, Bel. Why do you think she feels you up all the time? She's trying to get you used to her touching you so she can put her hand down your pants."

Bel sucked in a breath at this, very uncomfortable with where the one-sided conversation was going; it frightened him to talk about subjects such as this. He didn't believe Ayane would do that to him – but then again… He still had to tell her that he never wanted to have sex… "…"

Gokudera didn't know what came over him – well, he did, but he tried to ignore it. He stood up and stalked over to Bel before he leant down over the older male. He followed the blond as Bel leant back to try and put distance between them, but it was useless; Gokudera still had the other trapped beneath his body. "You don't need someone like that, Bel. Not someone who only wants to fuck you."

Bel flinched when a hand came out of nowhere and rested against his cheek. His tears came harder as he realised the hand belonged to Gokudera, and he tried so hard to shake it off; he knew he couldn't trust the touch of males because they only intended on hurting others. "…"

"Bel. Look at me." Gokudera forced Bel to look back at him. He stared into where the other's eyes should be as he said in a soft tone, "Do you really think you'll be happy with someone who will soon enough force you into what you don't want? I mean, _I_ know you don't like sex. So does Yamamoto and the Tenth. _We_ know you don't like it; do we ever do things to you that you don't like?"

If Bel could speak, he would point out that right now, he _hated_ being leant over like this because he felt trapped, but he couldn't; he could only tremble beneath the stronger male and hope that Gokudera would get off him soon.

The younger male shook his head before he brought their faces close enough so that they could rest their foreheads against each other. He shrugged and looked to the side as he said, "If you were _my_ boyfriend, I'd take care of you and I wouldn't expect anything from you…"

Bel could feel himself on the verge of hyperventilating at this words; did Gokudera want him to be his boyfriend? But Gokudera was with Yamamoto! And Bel liked someone else! Hell, Bel wasn't even sure of whether or not he _liked_ other boys! He was so scared of them, he found it hard enough for him to be friends! "…"

Gokudera stared at Bel for a few seconds more before he uttered a small, "C'mere…" and pulled Bel flush against his body. He licked at the boy's lips to ask for entrance, but it was never granted; the slightly taller male kept his lips locked tightly together as he tried to push the silver-haired male away.

"I think Yamamoto wants to break up…" Gokudera dropped his chin on Bel's shoulder and sighed. "It's okay if he wants to; we don't make the best couple anyway… But think about what I said; _she's_ just a slut who only cares about getting a fuck or two out of you. But _I'm_ not like that, Bel. Think about it. If Yamamoto and I _do_ break up, I'd be able to treat you a lot better than _she_ ever will."

The younger male finally released Bel and moved back to where he had been sitting previously. Bel watched him warily for a few seconds before he stood up and ran from the roof, too frightened to remain alone with the other; what if Gokudera tried to hurt him like Xanxus had? Bel had certainly felt threatened by the younger's actions.

Gokudera watched the boy leave with emotionless eyes. He had met Bel long after he and Yamamoto had been together, and he knew he had felt a weird attraction to the older male after a while, but he had never acted upon it and instead tried to deny it; he was with someone else, and he wasn't a cheater. But the more he and Yamamoto started to fight, and the more he became sure they would soon break up, the more he had allowed his repressions to come back out, and having seen the way that _slut_ had been seducing Bel in the school library had been the last straw; if _anyone_ was going to be touching Bel like that, it was _him_.

"Where'd Bel go?"

Gokudera looked up at Yamamoto as the taller male walked back towards him with a carton of chocolate milk in his hand. He shrugged. "Probably went to the bathroom or some shit."

Yamamoto nodded. He sat back next to Gokudera and wrapped his arms around the smaller male. "We need to stop fighting, Gokudera…"

Gokudera shrugged. He knew that Yamamoto was trying to hold on to a hopeless cause, and that it would be easier if they were to just break up instead – but who was he to make those kinds of decisions when it was Yamamoto himself who felt the real impact of their unstable relationship? That call should be left up to the baseballer.

But fucking hell, couldn't Yamamoto just tell him they were through already? It was what they _both_ wanted, after all.

 _ **~~XX~~**_

"Bel?" Dino had been very worried about Bel since the boy had let himself into the staff lounge while in tears, and even now, after having been at home for a few hours already, he was just getting more worried; his charge had kept crying in his room, but he wasn't communicating and kept pulling away if the man came close to him. It wasn't unusual for Bel to get nervous around him, but like _this… This_ was _not_ normal. "Bel, you're scaring me. What happened?"

Bel had pressed himself into the corner of the wall by now, having backpedalled far enough on his bed to have trapped himself between the wall and his guardian. He didn't know why he was suddenly feeling afraid of even Dino, but he wondered if it were because of the way he had felt trapped beneath Gokudera earlier; his anxiety had been the highest it had been in a while, and it had only seemed to grow with each passing hour.

"Bel, please. Please tell me what's happened…" Feeling as if he were at his wits' end, Dino knelt down to make himself look smaller. "Did someone do something to you? You were with Takeshi and Hayato, weren't you?"

When Bel wouldn't even nod or shake his head, Dino couldn't stop himself; getting back to his feet, he moved to sit on the bed and reach out towards his charge. He was rewarded with an ear-splitting scream, and then, without warning, the boy had collapsed, his terror having grown to such unimaginable heights, he had passed out.

Dino felt as if he could cry himself as he pulled Bel onto his lap and held the boy tight, hoping the younger was going to be okay; it scared him to think that someone could have done something to Bel when he hadn't been watching – he had been so sure it was okay to leave the smaller blond alone with his friends, but now he was starting to doubt even that.

If someone had done something to Bel… Well, even _Dino_ could get angry at times.


	8. Chapter 8

With the weekend having arrived and Bel still very upset, Dino had honestly been too scared to leave his charge home alone, but he had to go into town and run errands. It had been as hard for him as it was for Bel to get the boy out of bed and dress him, and it broke his heart to know that the younger was still crying for reasons he didn't know. Dino truly wished there was something he could do to help, but how was he supposed to do so when he had no idea where to start?

To the teacher's relief, Bel had been able to force himself to stop crying once they had gotten into the car and left the house. He was still feeling miserable, but he knew he couldn't let that show; if strangers saw how vulnerable he was, they would only hurt him.

"I need to run in and put down another payment first." Dino looked over to Bel to check on the boy. He found him leaning heavily against the car door with his face paler than usual. His tone softened as he turned back to the road. "After that, I need to get some more cleaning supplies from the shop nearby. Then we'll have some lunch before we go food shopping."

Bel didn't make any sign that he had heard the other; he instead absentmindedly slid his fingers beneath his sleeve and picked at the bandage wrapped securely around his thin limb. Dino winced as he saw this, afraid that his charge had been self-harming the night previous, but he knew better than to interrogate Bel; if he were to make the other feel as if he was being accused, it would only upset the younger blond even more.

"You know you can always come to me for anything, Bel…" Reaching across, Dino patted Bel's knee. "No matter what it's for; if you need anyone, I'm always here, Bel. I'm never going to go anywhere."

Bel had to fight to keep himself from crying again at these words. He knew he could trust Dino, and that his guardian _did_ love and care for him, but he was just so _scared_ …! He hesitated to slide his sleeve upwards and slowly unravel the bandage, but he soon confided in the other that he had indeed taken another knife to his wrist late last night; he hadn't been able to sleep, and he had been so tired, he just wanted to numb himself and collapse into oblivion by any means necessary.

"Bel…" Never having the heart to scold his charge, Dino said softly, "Please trust me enough to tell me when you want to do things like that; I'm scared you might…"

Bel didn't need for his guardian to finish his sentence; he knew that Dino was terrified of finding Bel dead one day. He truly felt bad for putting the man through so much stress, but he couldn't help it; he just wanted so badly to die. "…"

Dino didn't say another word for the rest of the drive, and Bel simply stared out of the passenger window, lost in thought. The smaller male snapped back to reality as he felt the car being parked, and when he looked around, he found that they were in a busy car park. His breathing quickened at this realisation, knowing that it meant there would be lots of people about in town today, and he was going to have to put up with people crowding him.

"Come on, Bel." Dino turned the car off and then got out. He waited patiently for Bel to work up the courage to do the same; he could never expect for his charge to willingly leave what little safety he felt. He locked the car almost a minute later once the boy had finally managed to put his feet on solid ground, and after Bel had come to his side, he started walking. He knew the boy would never be too far behind him, so he didn't have to turn around and check to make sure Bel was with him; the younger blond wouldn't go anywhere without Dino.

Bel hated the claustrophobia he was experiencing as people crowded him so tightly, he could feel them brushing against him. It took everything he had to not cry, but he couldn't hold them back when someone bumped into him and knocked him to the ground. Their sincere apology was lost on him as he went into panic mode, crying loudly as he got back to his feet and ran the way he had come, knowing there was an alleyway he could slip into and hide.

In the boy's panic, he had neglected looking behind him to see if Dino was following or not, and to his utter heartbreak, he soon came to realise that he had become separated from his guardian, and he was all alone in this busy town. Taking shelter behind an old garbage dump, he curled into a ball as he cried, too scared to go back out amongst everyone and search for Dino; maybe if he were lucky, Dino would come looking for him.

 _ **~~XX~~**_

Bel didn't know how long he had been hiding in the alleyway for; all he knew was that, after what felt like an eternity, footsteps started approaching him. The boy's eyes widened and he tried to scoot further out of sight, but it seemed that whoever was coming closer had seen him. His trembling increased as tears fell harder down his cheeks, and when an unfamiliar voice spoke, he whimpered in response.

"What's your name?"

Bel finally lifted his head to see who had approached him. He sniffed and rubbed at his eyes when he found a little boy standing in front of him, wearing tattered clothing as if he had been out here for a long time. His hair and skin was dirty, and though he didn't seem to hold much, if any, expression on his face, his voice at least sounded soft.

"…" Bel looked away at the question and swallowed a thick lump in his throat. However, it seemed that the little boy wasn't deterred by the blond's silence.

"My name's Fran." Coming closer to Bel, the child knelt down so that he was looking into the teenager's face. "That's my spot where you're sitting. I sleep there."

Bel frowned; how was he supposed to reply to something like that? He didn't like to hear that the younger was sleeping here, and he could only imagine how the teal-haired kid felt; he could remember the fear that had consumed him when he had been on the streets for only a few hours before Squalo had found him – to actually _live_ on the streets...

Fran cocked his head to the side and allowed his eyes to wander up and down the blond. He had never seen the other before, so he didn't think his guest was homeless, too. "Are you lost?"

Bel nodded. He brought his knees to his chest so that he could rest his lower face against them and link his hands beneath his legs. "…"

Fran reached out and grabbed one of Bel's hands. He tugged lightly as he got back to his feet and waited until the older male hesitantly stood up as well. "I'll help you get un-lost. Where should we start?"

This was the first time since the assault that Bel hadn't panicked completely over a stranger approaching him – but to be honest, he had never had a _kid_ come near him like this before. He knew that he was absolutely terrified of men, and other male teenagers his own age frightened him.

But a _kid?_ Well, even Bel knew that it was rather unlikely for a kid to harm him the way older males could.

"…" Bel allowed Fran to hold his hand, and he followed the kid back to the entrance of the alleyway. Fran didn't mind the older male's obvious fear; while he certainly couldn't understand it, he had seen enough of the world to make an educated guess that Bel was like this because someone had done something to him.

Bel couldn't help but keep his head ducked as he allowed Fran to lead him through the streets. He cried quietly as he was jostled amongst the crowd, and he tightened his grip on the younger male's hand so he wouldn't lose Fran – not like how he had lost _Dino_.

But when Bel had caught sight of his guardian's fur-collared jacket, he had whimpered and tugged Fran to the side, leading the kid towards Dino. The older blond, who appeared to have been questioning someone as to whether or not they had seen Bel anywhere, turned around as the woman pointed behind him.

"Bel!" Dino thanked the woman before he ran towards his charge and tripped halfway. He pushed himself up from the ground before continuing on to Bel, and once he was close enough, he put his hand on the boy's shoulder and guided him out of the way of the busy crowd. "Bel, where were you? I was so worried when I realised you weren't with me."

Bel grabbed a tight hold of Dino's shirt and held it like a lifeline. He looked down at Fran, waiting for his guardian to notice the child, too. "…"

"Oh?" Dino smiled brightly at the sight of the two boys holding hands; he had never thought he would see the day his charge allowed someone to touch him like that – Bel was even wary in _Dino_ holding his hand. His expression grew warmer as he realised that Bel had only come to find him because of this kid; how thankful he was towards a child who probably couldn't even tie his own shoelaces. "What's your name?"

"Fran." Emerald eyes looked to Bel. "I found senpai crying in an alleyway. I told him I would help him get un-lost."

"Aren't you sweet?" Dino's smile grew.

"I'm really not." Fran's voice bordered on monotone as his expression remained blank.

The older blond chuckled. "Where's your parents? What were you doing in an alleyway, Fran?"

"They're dead. And that was the alleyway I live in."

Dino's smile was wiped off his face at these words. His heart ached, and as much as he wished he could take this child home and keep him, he was almost too afraid to do so; look at what had happened to Bel because of someone trying to do the right thing…

But there was no way Dino could just leave him here alone…

"I'm very thankful that you helped Bel." Dino looked between the younger two before he continued on. "Would you like to come back to our house and have lunch with us?"

"Are you a pedophile?" Fran showed no emotion at this question, not even when Dino did a double-take. He wasn't oblivious to the way Bel flinched, though; was the blond boy like this because _he_ had encountered a pedophile?

"Of course not, Fran; I've had lots of girlfriends." Surprised that a child so young could know what a pedophile was, Dino rubbed the back of his head.

"Were they adults or five-year-olds? You look a bit like a pedophile to me."

Dino couldn't help but become amused by the youngest's antics. "They were the same age as me, Fran. I promise I'm not interested in people younger than me."

Fran nodded, satisfied by these words. "You have an Italian accent. Can we have Italian food for lunch?"

Dino's smile returned as he got back to his feet. Putting his hand on the small of Bel's back, he guided his charge back into the crowd and in the direction of his car. "How does fettuccini sound, Fran?"

"Never had it." Fran followed behind the two blonds, curious about them; he felt drawn to Bel after how he had found the teen, and Dino really seemed to care about him. Fran had never really been close to anyone before; his parents had given him away to his grandmother at birth, and while his grandmother was nice and looked after him, she was senile, and he had never really been able to bond with her properly. Of course he had been a little saddened when he found her in her bed one morning, having passed away sometime through the night, but he hadn't mourned her; he had just left the house and decided to find a way to survive on the streets.

It wasn't that Fran didn't want a home, but he had survived his whole life without depending on anyone else, and he liked it that way; he only had himself to lean on, and that was completely fine.

 _ **~~XX~~**_

Bel hadn't minded Fran coming over for lunch; the younger had quickly accepted the fact that Bel didn't talk and had instead held Dino's attention whenever he felt like having a conversation. The boy liked how Fran would talk to him but never seemed to expect a response; he felt as if he were accepted for who he was, and it was comforting to him.

Bel also didn't mind when Fran decided he wanted to stay longer and had followed him into his bedroom; Fran was a quiet guest and had soon busied himself with picking up a book from the ground and settling down in a corner to read it.

The blond had laid back down on his bed, his TV playing quietly in the background as he grabbed his phone from his nightstand. He had forgotten to bring it into town with him, and he was happy to find that there were unread text messages from his friends on it. There was one from Tsuna, two from Yamamoto, and quite a few from both Gokudera and Ayane.

Deciding that he wanted to read Ayane's messages first, Bel opened the thread and read. _Hello, baby; how are you? Want to come over tonight? My parents won't be home_.

Bel liked the idea of being home alone with Ayane; he had been to her house before, and her father was a very big, buff man who, while he seemed nice enough, had made the boy feel as if he were in danger. He had burst into tears and backed away, and he hadn't been able to move any further inside the house until he had left them alone. Replying back with nimble fingers, he wrote, _I have to ask Dino first._

Reading through the rest of her messages, Bel responded to them accordingly before looking at Gokudera's messages. He was still upset about that day up on the rooftop, so he didn't reply to any of them; he wasn't ready to talk to his friend again just yet.

Bel put his phone beneath his pillow as he waited for Ayane to respond. He lay quietly in his bed as he focused his attention on the TV. He was feeling a little better than he had over the past few days, but also exhausted from all the stress he was constantly under; letting his eyes slip closed, he only intended on resting them, but he was out to it like a light.

Fran, who had already finished the book, stood up and approached Bel. He knew the other was asleep, so as quietly as he could, he pulled himself up onto the bed as well and rested against the older male. It had been quite a while since he had felt the comfort of a mattress, and never before had he ever felt the warmth of another person by him as he slept.

Needless to say, when Dino opened the door to check on them a while later, he couldn't help but take a photo of the two and send it to Squalo. He hoped the long-haired man would be happy to hear that Bel had made another friend; despite what had happened, Squalo was still extremely fond of Bel and only wanted the best for him.

It was just a shame that Xanxus was still in the picture, and worse than ever; Dino would have loved to bring Bel back to see Squalo, but he couldn't; not when he would only be putting them all in danger once again.

 _ **~~XX~~**_

Dino had been happy for Bel to stay the night at Ayane's home; it allowed him to spend more time with Fran and try to find a way to get the child off the streets.

Bel had enjoyed the ramen Ayane had cooked for him, and he liked the idea of going upstairs to her room afterwards to watch a movie; he liked laying on her comfortable bed and feeling her hands pat him.

That was currently what the two were doing; Bel laying cuddled against Ayane as she run her hand up and down his side. The boy didn't mind her touch; she had already eased him into letting her do this to him.

However, tonight, she wanted more.

"…!" Bel shuddered and jerked away with wide eyes as he felt a hand slip beneath his striped shirt. He rolled over to look at Ayane, and his bottom lip stuck out as he felt tears well up in his eyes; did she really want to do stuff with him so soon…?

"What's the matter, baby?" While Ayane had never officially become Bel's girlfriend, she knew the boy thought they were dating. She allowed him to believe that, going along with it and coaxing everything she could from the blond. "You don't like being touched there?"

Bel shook his head. He reached out to grab Ayane's wrists. He was ever-so-gentle as he pushed them away, hoping she would understand; he could tolerate her touching him through his clothing, but he wasn't ready to let _anyone_ beneath just yet.

Ayane, however, was feeling persistent tonight; reaching back out, she put her hand on Bel's hip. "It's okay, baby; my parents aren't home and so no one will even know. I promise. No need to be shy."

Bel, again, was extremely gentle as he pushed Ayane away from him, unable to bear the idea of hurting her; he would never hurt what he liked, after all. "…"

Ayane leant forward to steal a kiss from Bel. He kissed back, but he was more hesitant than usual; he felt uncomfortable, as if he was being pushed into something she wouldn't let him back out of. And then he felt it; the unwelcome hand that had slid past the waistband of his pants and travelled downwards to cup his testicles.

Bel felt as if he were completely frozen, his eyes wide with horror as he noticed the confused look on the girl's face. He could feel her fingers wandering, as if she were searching for something. When she spoke, the boy had never felt as embarrassed as he did right now.

"Where's the other one?" And then, when it clicked in her mind, a disgusted look crossed Ayane's face as she pulled her hand out from his pants.

Bel didn't hang around to listen to what she had to say; he had never ran out of a house so fast before. Not stopping until his legs carried him to the closest house belonging to one of his friends, he finally understood what Gokudera had tried to tell him; he really didn't know anything about romantics, but he knew that no meant no, and the fact that she had kept going…

 _You were right, Hayato…_ Feeling tears sliding down his cheeks, Bel never looked back; he felt as if his heart had been ripped out of his chest, and never before he had felt as heartbroken as he did now. He had been sure he was falling in love with Ayane, and he thought that she loved him back. But… What she had just done…

Bel knew now that he should have listened to Gokudera instead of letting himself get so attached.


	9. Chapter 9

"Does everyone understand what they are doing?"

Bel paid no attention to Dino as he instead drew in his textbook, trying his best to ignore his crippling depression; he was struggling to keep from crying, finding it extremely painful to know that Ayane kept giving him looks he couldn't decipher; he wanted so badly to forgive her and continue dating, but it was too hard for him to remember how easily she had betrayed the trust he had so shyly granted her with.

"If there are any questions, feel free to ask me." With that, Dino left his class to their own devices, sitting at his desk so that he could get some of his own work done in the meantime.

"Bel…?"

Bel tensed visibly at Ayane's voice. He dropped his head as his body froze; to anyone who decided to look at him, it would be only too obvious that he was very uncomfortable right now. "…"

"Bel, I –"

"- Did you break up with your girlfriend, you freak?"

Bel closed his eyes at the familiar voice of the class bully, knowing that their attention was fixed on him; he had been bullied several times before, but Dino had noticed and stepped in before it could get too bad. "…"

The bully in particular looked between Bel and Ayane, and he smirked as he noticed they both looked uneasy. "Or maybe she dumped you because your dick was too small for her to feel a thing."

Bel started trembling at these words. Ayane's eyes narrowed before she said, "Leave him alone; we were just friends."

Bel couldn't explain how much those words hurt; he had truly believed that they had been dating, and to realise that he had been wrong all along… He sniffed back tears as he rubbed at his dampening eyes.

"Oh, is the little cry-baby about to run to sensei, again?" Not pleased by the silence he was only getting in response, the other reached out and shoved Bel hard enough to push the boy from his chair. "Say something for once, you creep!"

"Hey!" Dino stood up at the commotion. He voice was raised for the first time in – well, it had been so long since he had had to be hard on someone, he wasn't sure if he had ever yelled before in his life. "Leave him alone, Satoshi!"

Bel could feel anger growing within him, feeling as if he were a volcano about to erupt. He started trembling as it became too hard to control himself, and when his attacker came closer, he had no control over himself; getting back to his feet and throwing himself at Satoshi, he knocked the other to the ground. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the pocket knife Dino didn't know he had, ready to stab Satoshi as many times as he could; he had had enough, and he couldn't sit back and let this happen to him anymore.

"Bel, no!" Dino ran as fast as he could to the younger two. He ignored the screams erupting around the classroom as he did so; all he could focus on was trying to get to Bel before the smaller blond used the weapon. "Stop it, Bel!" Close enough to reach out and touch his charge, the teacher tried to grab Bel's wrist, but he was too late; the boy started to attack, and what the man had grabbed was the serrated edge of the knife. "Gah!"

Bel jumped in fright before he got off of Satoshi and backed away to the side. He held the knife in his hand as blood dripped from the blade and onto the ground. He whimpered in shame as he realised that he had hurt his guardian, and a guilty look crossed his face as he stared down at his feet.

Dino grinded his teeth together as he wrapped his injured hand up in his shirt in an attempt to stop the endless river of blood. He forgot all about Bel as some of his other students came to his aid. He allowed them assist him; he knew they were upset, and he had to keep everyone calm.

"Sensei, you need a hospital."

Dino nodded. He wasn't in the mood to argue; he knew they were right because the blade had sliced so deep into his palm, he swore he could feel the pain radiating all over his body. "Go and get the principal."

Bel felt as if time had stopped as he watched the way another teacher came in to take over the class while Dino was driven to the local hospital by the vice principal. He was barely aware of the tears that rolled down his cheeks, not even when they came harder as the substitute teacher gave him a loathing look.

"You freaky little bastard…" The teacher's voice was cold and accusing, and Bel could only become more frightened than he already was when the other approached him. "I always knew there was something off about you… Give me that fucking knife, you psycho!"

Bel's eyes widened and he screamed in horror when he watched the way a taller, much stronger body lunged at him. He instinctively waved his knife around as if to try and ward off his second attacker, but all it accomplished was for his wrist to be grabbed and the knife to be wrestled from him. He was terrified, unable to stop screaming as he was soon pulled out of the classroom and to the nearest broom closet, so scared he almost wet his pants.

The door to the broom closet was opened, and Bel was thrown carelessly into the tiny space. He hit the hard ground with a loud oomph, and he curled into a ball as the door was slammed shut and locked, leaving him in complete darkness.

Bel didn't know what he had done to have to live like this, but what he did know was that if he still had his pocket knife, he would slit his wrists here and now and let himself bleed to death – but sadly, his knife had been taken from him, and he knew he would never get it back.

 _ **~~XX~~**_

Bel wouldn't have been surprised if Dino never came back for him after what the smaller blond had done to him, but to his relief, his guardian had returned after a few hours with a bandaged hand and was only too happy to rescue him from the cops that had been called to the school to interrogate him. It had been a long struggle, and had taken a _lot_ of convincing from Dino to get them to leave Bel alone, but the teacher had taken his charge home for the rest of the day, and the boy had barely moved from his bed since they had come back; he had been so stressed, he physically hadn't been able to move.

Bel remained in his bed as he patted his pet mink to try and distract himself from the pain. His door was open, knowing he wasn't allowed to close it now of all times because Dino had to be able to make sure that he was safe; the man couldn't take the chance of letting Bel close it and try and kill himself where Dino couldn't see. He could hear the doorbell ring, but he didn't care to know who it was; he just wanted to be left alone.

"Bel? You've got a visitor."

Bel sighed at Dino's voice. He wished he had the energy to text his guardian and tell him to ask the guest to leave, but instead, he just laid where he was and listened as two sets of footsteps came closer to his room.

"Bel-senpai?"

Bel lifted his head from his pillow at the voice. He frowned as Fran came into view; why did the younger come back? Bel honestly had never expected to see the teal-haired kid again once Fran had left to go back to the streets. "…"

"That horse said senpai is sad today." Fran moved into the room and pulled himself up to sit on the bed next to Bel. He crossed his legs before he spoke again. "Is Bel-senpai okay?"

The boy's frown grew at the question. He grabbed his phone from his pocket so that he could type out his thoughts. He passed the phone to the younger when he was ready, telling Fran what had happened that day. Fran's expression didn't change all that much as he read the message, but the boy was able to pick up a slight change in his tone, indicating that Fran was indeed sincere.

"That sucks, senpai. But when I asked the horse what had happened to his hand, he said it'll be okay and he just can't use it for a while. He didn't seem mad."

Bel nodded, glad that Fran didn't seem to be judging and instead was understanding about the incident. Typing once again at his phone, he wrote, _'I hate school because no one likes me. Even the other teachers are mean to me.'_

Fran nodded. "I've never been to school, senpai. Can you stop going?"

Bel shook his head before he laid back down beneath his comforter. "…"

Fran could sense the deep depression wafting from Bel. When he moved closer to the blond, he didn't miss the way Bel flinched and curled in on himself, unsettled by the close proximity. He understood that the older male was afraid of touch, but it didn't stop him from reaching out and tugging at the other's striped sleeve. "Let's not think about school; let's play a game."

Bel frowned at these words. He lifted his head from the pillow once more; play…? "…"

Fran continuously tugged the stronger male's striped sleeve until Bel had hesitantly gotten out of bed. He then led the boy out of the bedroom and instead to the living room, glad that the older male was coming with him; it had been so long since he had had someone to play with. "Let's play cards, senpai; I saw them on the coffee table before."

Bel hugged himself with one arm as his breathing picked up. He trembled from anxiety; he was frightened of having come out of his room when he was feeling so bad, and he wanted to go back to his bed. "…"

When at last Fran had gotten Bel out to the living room, they passed Dino who sat on the couch watching TV in order to grab the pack of playing cards from the coffee table and sit down on the floor together.

"Hey, boys." Dino was looking at the younger two curiously, surprised to find that such a young child had been able to coax Bel from his bed; not even he had been able to do that in times like this. "What'cha doin'?"

"Playing cards." Fran sat down and opened the packet before he tipped the cards out onto the ground. He then looked up to the older blond, asking, "Do you have Uno cards, too?"

Dino nodded. "I'll get them."

Bel stared down at his lap as Fran shuffled all the cards. He didn't look up when he was dealt a hand, instead hesitating to so much as ghost his fingers over his own cards; he wanted to be left alone, but he didn't know how to express himself right now, and even if he did, he still had no energy to get up and go back to bed. "…"

"Let's play Go Fish, first." Fran, who knew that Bel wasn't going to speak now of all times, continued on. "You don't have to tell me to fish, senpai, and you can show me what card of yours you want to ask for instead of saying it."

Bel nodded, glad that at least Fran understood that he didn't talk anymore; he wasn't sure he would have been able to handle it had the younger tried to make him talk just to play a card game.

To say that Bel had been miserable for the first ten minutes of their games would be an understatement; Bel had been so depressed, he felt completely empty. But somehow, after a while of playing with Fran, and eventually Dino who had joined them, he couldn't help but begin to feel again, and ever-so-slowly, the depression lifted temporarily. He was able to have a little bit of fun, and though he wasn't aware of it, the corners of his lips twitched and lifted into a slight smile every now and then.

But when Bel _really_ started enjoying himself, his happiness vanished when Dino grabbed both of their attention and told him that they had to stop and get ready for Bel's emergency therapy appointment. He had put his cards down on the ground and got to his feet, with a lost look crossing his face as he seemingly stared into space.

Dino, too, got to his feet. He wrapped an arm around Bel's shoulders and guided his charge to the younger's bedroom. "Change your shirt and wash your hands, okay? There's still a bit of blood on you."

Bel barely registered what was said; all he could do was make his way back to his bed and curl up beneath his comforter, wishing he could just die. Why did everyone insist on keeping him alive when he felt so empty, the only thing he had interest in was sleeping?

Not wanting to attend his weekly therapy appointment – especially not his second appointment in as many days as Dino had booked him into the soonest emergency slot available after what had happened at school – Bel closed his eyes and tried to force himself into sleep; just like with school, he always tried to delay his arrival.

Was it so bad of him that he just wanted to stay in his bed and never have to come back out?

 _ **~~XX~~**_

When therapy had ended, Dino had taken Bel to Tsuna's home, needing someone to watch the boy while the older blond went back to school to meet with the other teachers about his charge's actions. Bel had interacted very little with the younger group upon his arrival; he had just curled up on Tsuna's bed and listened as the younger group talked amongst themselves and shied away whenever attention was put onto him.

Fran had come over, too, and while Tsuna and Yamamoto fussed over him, Gokudera instead paid more attention to Bel, not very interested in some random brat. To the silver-haired male's relief, Tsuna and Yamamoto took Fran into town with them, leaving Gokudera to keep Bel company.

"Bel?"

Bel flinched at his name before he scurried further away; why couldn't he just be _alone?_ "…"

Gokudera sighed. "Yamamoto and I broke up last night…"

As tired as Bel was, he soon rolled onto his side so that he could look at Gokudera. He remembered how much it had hurt with what had happened between he and Ayane, and he wondered if the younger male felt the same way he did. "…"

Gokudera shrugged before he moved to sit on the end of the bed. He and Bel stared at each other for a while before the stronger male asked, "Have you thought about what I asked you to?"

Bel shook his head; truthfully, he hadn't because he had believed that he would be with Ayane forever.

"That's okay." Shrugging again, Gokudera glared at the wall opposite them. "Don't rush; take your time. But you know I'd never hurt you, right?"

Bel _wanted_ to believe that, but how could he? He had been hurt so much in his sixteen years of life, he was finding it increasingly harder to trust people. "…"

Reaching out, Gokudera took a frail hand in both of his. "We don't have to rush anything if you agree, Bel; we don't even need to have sex. We can kiss and cuddle in the meantime; I wouldn't ask anything of you that you're not ready to give."

"…"

Gokudera waited for Bel to think about his offer, knowing that he would only upset the older male if he were to keep trying to persuade the boy. Instead, he sat in silence where he was, listening to the soft sounds Bel made as he went over everything in his head.

Bel had never thought about whether or not he liked boys; in fact, he had never even thought about girls before until he had met Ayane and found that he couldn't take his eyes off her. But he didn't feel that way about Gokudera; the truth was, he was actually a little frightened of the other. But even so, he still liked spending some time with the silver-haired student; he just was naturally nervous around other males.

But did Bel _like_ Gokudera? …He honestly didn't know. He had never been close enough to the younger trio to truly break out of his constant anxiety, but he _did_ know that he could consider them as his friends, the only friends he had ever had in his lifetime. Could it be possible for him to learn to like Gokudera? Or would trying to date someone he sometimes felt uncomfortable around only make him feel worse? Dino had tried to explain romantics to him several times before, but he had never been able to comprehend any of it; it simply confused him, and he didn't understand what to do in this moment.

But Gokudera looked so hopeful for Bel to say yes, and the boy didn't like to hurt who he cared for. Should he say yes and hope that Gokudera would help him understand his feelings? Or should he say no and try to protect himself against more pain and heartbreak?

Grabbing his phone, Bel typed, _'I'm scared, though.'_

Gokudera understood; while he didn't know the full story, Dino had told him that Bel had been badly abused and suffered a deep fear of other males as a result. He reached out and slowly put his hand on top of Bel's head, watching the way his love interest flinched and tensed at the action. Waiting until Bel had relaxed some, he then started stoking Bel's hair. "I know you are. But I won't hurt you."

"…"

Gokudera lowered his hand and slowly patted Bel's upper arm next. "You like this, don't you? I've seen you let that bitch touch you like this before."

Bel couldn't help but shiver at the touch, but not in a bad way; he _did_ enjoy caresses like this, and to his surprise, he felt more responsive to this touch from Gokudera than he had from Ayane. "…"

"Is it okay that I touch you like this?" Gokudera would sincerely back off if Bel felt uncomfortable about it, and to his relief, he received a nod in response. "That's good. I can give you lots of touches like this if you want me to."

Bel liked the idea of that, having missed feeling Ayane's hands on top of his clothing. Typing once more on his phone, he wrote, _'Only on top of my clothes. Never on my skin.'_

Gokudera was not stupid; he had pieced together the puzzle enough to have worked out long ago that Bel had been sexually abused. Nodding, he lifted his hand and cupped the blond's cheek before he slowly leant forward to press their lips together. Bel didn't return the kiss, but he didn't shy away, either; that was a good sign, Gokudera knew. "I know, Bel. So how about it? Will you be my boyfriend?"

Bel bit his lip as he nodded, afraid of admitting that he didn't understand his feelings towards Gokudera, but feeling as if he desperately needed the kind of touches Ayane had taught him to crave; they made him feel safe, and they helped him forget his pain – if he would have to jump into a relationship he felt conflicted over just to receive them, he would do so.

Gokudera smiled brighter this time and gave Bel another kiss. He didn't try and deepen it; he was content with just feeling soft lips against his own. Bel trembled as strong arms wrapped around him, and he whimpered loudly as he felt himself being pulled down onto the bed. He tried to break away, but Gokudera simply tightened his hold.

"It's okay," the silver-haired male promised. "Let's just cuddle for a bit. Okay? Try and sleep; you're really tired."

It took a while until Bel was able to calm down, but when he realised that Gokudera only wanted to hold him and rub gentle circles into his back, the boy slowly pressed closer to his new boyfriend as he tried to find the same comfort in him he had found in Ayane whenever he cuddled in against her.

"That's right, Bel; go to sleep." Surprising himself with his actions, Gokudera hadn't thought he would be so gentle with the boy; he knew he would have been patient, but he hadn't seen himself becoming _this_ soft to the blond – not when the only other person he was so kind to was Tsuna, and for good reason.

But then again, Gokudera wasn't _such_ an ass that he would purposely be cruel to someone in Bel's condition. He was loud and assertive when it came to Yamamoto, but he knew the taller male could handle it and try his best to defuse the situation – but if he tried that shit with Bel, the blond would never come near him again out of fear. Gokudera knew his battles, and he knew better than to make Bel feel threatened.

Somehow, Gokudera had managed to get Bel to trust him enough to fall asleep, because it didn't take long for soft snores to become audible, the blond out to it from all the stress he had been under today alone.

Hopefully Bel would continue to trust him and come out of his shell a little more, because never leaving his bed was no way for the boy to live.


	10. Chapter 10

Bel liked how Gokudera was willing to be a babysitter of sorts to him during school. Dino had almost lost his job and Bel was nearly kicked out after what had happened, but the older blond had managed to come to a compromise; Bel was allowed to come back as long as there was someone with him at all times to make sure he wouldn't try and attack another student. Gokudera had been very patient with him, giving him time and energy he wouldn't usually give to anyone other than Tsuna. Bel couldn't help but feel special; he knew all too well that the silver-haired teen was as unsociable as himself, so it felt nice to have positive attention on him.

Like now, as the two walked through town after school. Though they had only been together for a week, Bel was slowly coming to trust his boyfriend. He liked how Gokudera didn't mind whenever the blond held his hand; the younger male knew Bel did it because he felt scared and anxious.

"How many subjects do you have homework for?" Gokudera looked over his shoulder to the blond hiding behind him as they walked.

Bel cocked his head to the side. He hesitated before he lifted his free hand and held four fingers up. "…"

Gokudera knew that Bel rarely did his homework. He never did it for Dino, the English teacher instead hiding the fact from his other students and giving his charge marks he was confident Bel would have gotten otherwise. While Bel might hand in an assignment or two every couple of months for other classes, it would only have been because Dino had sat down with him and encouraged him to do his homework, knowing just how far over the _extended_ deadline it was.

"Well, when we have lunch, let's do some homework, okay?"

Bel nodded, too afraid to let Gokudera know that he didn't want to do homework; it was hard for him to even disagree openly with Dino, having wondered day after day if whether or not it was because he had told Xanxus no that the scarred male had hurt him so badly. If that was the case, he would never tell someone no again.

Gokudera stopped walking when he felt Bel wrap his arms around the silver-haired male and press his chest to Gokudera's back. "Bel? Are you okay?"

Bel nodded. He was testing the waters; he needed to know how much Gokudera would tolerate him before getting mad.

Gokudera didn't mind the hug; he lifted his hand and held the other two that were linked across his chest. "We're almost at the café, Bel. Let's keep walking."

Bel nodded, reluctantly letting go of Gokudera. He dropped his head when he noticed all the judging looks being sent his way, wishing they would leave him alone. He gripped the back of his boyfriend's jacket tight as he followed behind once more, tensing in an effort to make himself look smaller.

Gokudera didn't say another word until they had stepped into the café a few minutes later; he instead pulled the older male over to the registers to grab a menu before ushering Bel back away from everyone. Opening the brochure, he asked, "What do you want to eat?"

Bel looked at all of the options before he pointed to the gyoza and takoyaki. He ducked his head once more when he was asked what he wanted to drink, and he reluctantly moved close enough to the register again so that he could see his options. Once he decided, he looked back to his boyfriend as he pointed, hoping the other would understand.

"You want some ramune?" Gokudera smiled when he received a nod in response. "Okay. Let's order."

Bel resumed his death grip on Gokudera's jacket as he followed. He tensed again as he felt the eyes of the cashiers on him. He dropped his head to the younger's shoulder and frowned as he looked anywhere but at the cashiers.

Finally, once the orders were placed, the boy grabbed Gokudera's hand and followed him into the back of the café so that they could take a table away from everyone else. He squeezed himself in next to the younger and watched the silver-haired male pull his schoolwork from his bag. He did the same, not wanting to make Gokudera mad at him; maybe if he were to get his work over and done with as quickly as he could, he would be left alone to just sit quietly with his boyfriend and not have to do anything.

The two hadn't done much on their assignments before Gokudera's phone rang. He answered the call upon seeing that it was his sister, and his attention was fixed on the phone call. Bel stopped what he was doing also, staring blankly down at his objectives as he listened to Gokudera speak.

"Excuse me?"

Bel sucked in a loud breath as he threw himself against Gokudera. He was frightened of the waitress who had come out of nowhere just to talk to him; he wasn't used to people coming up to him out of the blue, and it terrified him. He whimpered as he hugged his boyfriend tight, and he was glad to feel the younger's arm wrap tightly around his waist.

"It's alright, Bel; it's just the waitress." Gokudera quickly told his sister he would be just a few moments before he grabbed the waitress' attention and accepted the two bottles of ramune she had brought out for them. He waited until she had left the area before he leant down and placed a kiss on Bel's cheek and squeezed his waist affectionately. "She's gone. She just wanted to give us our drinks."

Bel nodded, feeling a little sick. He picked up his pen with a shaking hand, and though he was trying so hard to focus his attention onto what Gokudera wanted him to do, he was finding it too difficult; he was too tired to concentrate, and his anxiety was spiking from this unfamiliar setting. He wanted so badly to tell Gokudera he wanted to go to sleep, but he was too afraid to do so; he just picked at his appetisers once the food had arrived and tried his hardest to remain awake.

But no matter how hard he tried, he still found himself dozing off until he had dropped his head to Gokudera's shoulder and fallen asleep; he was exhausted from stress, but he hadn't been able to sleep the previous night; it was only natural he would fall asleep sooner or later.

Gokudera didn't mind, and the staff were kind enough to let them stay until Bel had woken. Needless to say, the silver-haired male was able to get quite a lot of his homework finished within the time his boyfriend was sleeping.

 _ **~~XX~~**_

When Gokudera took Bel home that night, he had been about to leave for his own apartment when the blond grabbed his sleeve and tugged him further into the house. He had understood immediately that his boyfriend was trying to ask him to stay, and he nodded, allowing himself to be led into Bel's bedroom. He couldn't recall having ever been inside the boy's bedroom before, so he was sure to take his time and look around.

The floor was trashed; that was the first thing Gokudera had taken notice of. There was dirty clothing and toys of various sorts scattered everywhere, with some books and magazines peeking out of the mess. The boy's desk was just as messy, looking like anything but a work area. There was a TV and entertainment system across from the bed, with a few gaming consoles hooked up to it, but with the dust that had gathered over the consoles, Gokudera couldn't help but wonder when they had been used last. A bookshelf was next to the desk, but Gokudera couldn't make out what was on the shelves, and the bed was as messy as everything else; it looked almost as if it had never been made, with the blankets twisted and laying haphazardly in a pile with the pillows all over the mattress, and even one on the ground.

"You don't do much cleaning, do you?" Gokudera turned to look back at Bel. He bit his lip as he noticed that the small smile his boyfriend had been donning was now replaced with a frown; had he upset the other? "I didn't mean it in a bad way, Bel. It's alright; it's your room and you can keep it however you want."

Bel nodded, trusting the other. He tugged at Gokudera once more until he got the younger over to his bed. He sat his boyfriend on the mattress before he clambered on as well and laid down to rest his head on the student's lap. He grabbed Gokudera's hand and held it tight as he closed his eyes and allowed himself to relax enough so that he could begin drifting into sleep. He almost purred when he felt fingers caressing his head, and it was enough to help him fall asleep.

Gokudera sighed as he laid down and rested his head on the pillows. He was aware of Bel's pet mink uncurling from the windowsill it had been sleeping on, and he watched the animal jump down and come to its owner's side. He couldn't help but smile as he watched the mink curl in against Bel's body, and seeing the blond wrap his arm around it even in sleep warmed his heart; he knew how much the older male loved his pet, but he had never seen it for himself until now.

Gokudera really liked seeing that there was something in Bel's life that wasn't hurting or upsetting him and instead making him happy; the blond had been through enough and was more than deserving of his mink.

Closing his eyes as well, the slightly smaller male was sure a quick nap before heading home wouldn't hurt him. However, instead of a nap, he found out just how tired he himself was when, hours later, he woke to Bel's whimpers and cries of fear.

"Bel?" Gokudera sat up and found that the bedroom light was still switched on; he could see sweat running down Bel's face as the other tossed and turned, tears escaping heavily from their ducts. "Bel, it's alright. It's just dreams."

Bel didn't wake, but he did slowly calm down to Gokudera's voice. He didn't wake when the younger pulled him further up the bed, but he snuggled in close to his boyfriend once he was cradled against Gokudera's chest. He licked his lips for a few seconds before his breathing quietened down and he was resting his face against the other's throat. His bony fingers were curled in tight to the silver-haired male's clothing, and his quivering was slowly ceasing.

Gokudera couldn't help but smile at this sight. Leaning down, he pressed a soft kiss to Bel's forehead before deciding that it wouldn't hurt if he stayed the night. Laying back down with the blond held securely in his arms, he closed his eyes once more, his sleep more peaceful than it had been in a long time with Bel by his side.

Maybe he should try and spend the night with Bel more often; it would probably be beneficial to them both, after all.


	11. Chapter 11

Bel sat on the couch in the living room a few days later. He sipped at his chocolate milk as he watched an anime series on the large TV mounted to the wall. Dino was home with him, the man in the kitchen preparing lunch for them. It had been a long day for them both, Bel's therapy session having turned into a struggle to restrain the boy after he had another nervous breakdown and threw himself through the window; he had done it on purpose so that he could pick up a large shard of glass and cut through his wrists, but he had been stopped before he could get too deep.

Now, after having been given sedatives as he had lost all control and couldn't be brought back any other way, Bel was semi-peaceful. He could still feel his anxiety bubbling in his chest and stomach, but he otherwise was too tired to act on his stress; he just wanted to sit here and relax for a while.

"Bel, lunch is ready."

The boy looked over his shoulder as he heard Dino call for him. He sighed, not wanting to get up and go to the dining table; couldn't his guardian bring the food to him?

Bel laid down on the couch in silent protest, hoping that Dino would understand what he wanted; he didn't know where his phone was to text the man, and he didn't feel like reaching across to the coffee table to grab his notepad and write. Maybe if he were lucky, the older blond would eventually develop mind-reading powers and make things much easier for them both.

"Bel?"

Bel wished he had a blanket to curl up under; it was chilly, and the storm raging outside wasn't helping matters much.

"Bel, it's time for lunch." By now, Dino had come to kneel by the couch. He was frowning at his charge, and it didn't take a genius to see that the man was feeling just as stressed as Bel was. "Come on; you need to eat something; you haven't eaten for two days now."

The boy knew Dino was worried about him. He knew that _everyone_ was worried about him. Knowing that information only stressed him out further; he didn't _mean_ to cause so much concern, but he didn't know what to do or how to fix things; all he knew was that he was in so much pain – some of it even physical, though he refused to tell anyone that – he could only act out and wish for his own death.

"Bel." Dino reached out and grabbed Bel's shoulders. He tried to pull the boy from the couch, but the smaller male only let out a loud cry of fear and pulled away from the touch. The young man sighed. He ducked his head and was silent for almost two minutes before he mumbled, "Your lunch will be in the microwave for when you're ready to eat…"

Bel whimpered and reached out to grab Dino's sleeve when the man stood up and turned back to the dining room. He waited until his guardian was looking at him again before he opened his arms wide as he asked to be picked up.

Dino gave an exhausted look at this. He didn't speak for a few seconds, but when he did, it was in a quiet mutter that proved just how tiring it was to care for someone broken into so many fragments. "You're sixteen, Bel; I'm not going to carry you…"

The boy made a soft noise as he tried to extend his arms further; oh, how he hated Dino not being a mind-reader…

Dino gave in. He knew that if he didn't give in to the other's childish wish, Bel might go another day without eating – and no matter what, he couldn't let that happen. He picked the boy up and held him securely against his chest so that – hopefully – Bel could finally get something into his tummy.

"I'm going to take a nap after we eat, okay?" Dino was gentle as he sat Bel down at the table; he just wanted for the younger to be okay. "Try and keep it down for a while. We'll do something together later today."

Bel nodded. He tried to ignore his stomach churning at the sight of his lunch; the last thing he needed was to vomit when there was already nothing in his stomach _to_ throw back up.

"Is there anything you need for me to get you? We can get it when we go back into town." As exhausted as he was, Dino could never treat Bel badly; he loved the kid too much to take his stress out on the younger when the boy already had enough to deal with it as it was.

Bel shook his head. He pushed his plate away before he pulled his knees up to his chest.

"You know, Bel, if you aren't eating, you – hold on." Dino pulled his phone from his pocket when he felt it vibrate. He frowned as he noticed the caller ID read 'Squalo', and he truly hoped the younger male wasn't calling him with bad news; he wasn't sure he would be able to handle anything else today. He clicked the answer button before he raised the phone to his ear. "Hey, Squalo. How are you?"

Bel stared down at his lap as he listened to Dino talk on the phone. He didn't think anything had happened to Squalo as the adults' conversation seemed to be calm and just a general catch up, but it was what the stronger blond said next that _really_ bothered Bel.

"Bel's fine, Squalo. We're having lunch at the moment." Dino waited for Squalo to finish talking before he said, "Yes, he's been eating properly the past couple of days; he's putting on a little weight. …Ahaha, yeah, he's doing great; he's made a couple of new friends and he's started dating now. …No, Squalo, he's in a safe relationship; I wouldn't let him be in one that would hurt him."

Bel didn't understand why Dino had lied about his wellbeing; he wasn't eating, and there was no _way_ he was putting on weight – he would be _losing_ weight, if anything, but he wasn't even sure if that were still possible with how thin he already was. While the rest of it was true, why would Dino tell Squalo lies in the first place?

Was it that… Dino just didn't want Squalo to worry…?

"Bel."

Bel looked up at Dino's voice. He frowned when he found the phone being held out to him.

"Squalo wants to talk to you."

Bel hesitantly accepted the phone and raised it to his ear. He hummed a little to let his old guardian know he had the phone. "…"

"Hey, brat." Squalo was quiet, but Bel couldn't pick up on the other being upset; in fact, he sounded the happiest Bel had heard him in a while. "Xanxus got himself locked up again for a few days. It's been really peaceful with him gone. I went to see Lussuria and Mammon earlier, and it was good to see them again. It's been… a long time…"

Bel knew Xanxus kept Squalo isolated in the house. He didn't think the silver-haired man was even allowed in the front yard, let alone seeing his friends, so it was great to hear that Squalo had seen his friends again. "…"

"Dino told me you're dating now. Have you got a girlfriend?" At the silence on the other end of the line, Squalo continued on, knowing he had received a no in answer. "So it's a boyfriend, then."

Bel hummed. He heard the worry in Squalo's voice, but he understood; the man was probably scared of Bel ending up in a relationship like his own.

"Is he good to you, brat? He doesn't hurt you, does he?"

Bel hummed again. The corners of his lips twitched slightly as he remembered his time with Gokudera yesterday. They had been at Bel's home for a while before they went into town and watched a movie together. The younger male had been so kind to him, making sure that he was comfortable everywhere they went and never forcing Bel to stay out of his comfort zone for long.

"I'm glad." Squalo let out a sigh. "Just be careful, alright? If he ever hurts you, I don't want you to stay with him. …Does he make you have sex with him?"

Bel remained silent. The topic of sex hadn't come up between them yet, and the younger hadn't done anything sexual to him. Gokudera was patient and understanding, and that was why Bel felt a little more comfortable around him whenever they spent time together.

"Good… If anyone ever tries to make you have sex with them and you're not ready for it, don't say yes, alright? It's your body, and you never have to do anything with it that you're not comfortable with."

Bel hummed in agreement. He had already had this talk with Dino when the man found out his charge had a boyfriend. He appreciated that Squalo cared enough about him to have the same talk with him, though; he loved Squalo so much, and he hoped that one day, he could go back to Italy to see him again.

"Okay, I'm going to get off here and go to bed; it's pretty late. Be safe, okay? I love you, Bel."

Bel's lips turned into a small smile. He gave a happy hum into the phone before he gave it back to Dino; he hoped Squalo knew that Bel loved him, too.

Dino smiled back at his charge as he slid his phone into his pocket. He grabbed his plate and stood up to put it on the bench, despite having not eaten much of his own meal. "I'm going to go nap now, Bel. Remember; don't turn the TV up too loud, okay?"

Bel nodded. He, too, wanted to get up and go back to the couch, but he just couldn't seem to find the motivation to move. He stayed where he was until Dino had long-since left, and all he could do was push his plate away and use the table as a pillow.

Needless to say, when Dino came back out an hour later, he had to carry Bel to his bed as the boy just couldn't seem to wake up.

 _ **~~XX~~**_

When Bel woke up a few hours later, he couldn't get himself out of bed; he just laid there and stared at his wall. He didn't even want to turn his TV on; he only wanted to lay beneath his blankets forever.

"Bel?"

Bel looked over to the doorway as Dino poked his head in through the open door. "…"

"I found your phone. It was in the laundry." Dino came to sit on the edge of the bed so that he could watch Bel play with the device. "Tsuna texted me before. He said that Reborn's taking him and his friends out to that island resort, and they want you to go with them."

Bel whimpered at this; did his friends really expect for him to go with them to somewhere like _that…?_ "…"

"It's okay, Bel. It'll be fun. You should go with them." Dino smiled. He put his hands on the boy's shoulders as he soothed the younger, hoping Bel would agree to go; it would be so good for him to get out of the house with his friends for once.

Bel shook his head. He started typing on his phone until he was ready to show Dino what was bothering him. _I will only go somewhere with you. It's scary going places without you. What if someone hurts me?_

"Bel…" Dino reached out and hugged Bel tight. He could feel the younger returning the embrace. "Bel, I can't always be with you. Okay? What if something happens to me one day and you don't know what to do because you've never been without me? You're sixteen; it's time for you to start learning how to be independent. Go and spend some time with your friends, alright? I'm sure it'll be fun."

Bel shook his head. He pulled himself onto Dino's lap and buried his face in against the man's chest. He shuddered as he felt the other's fingers threading through his hair, but he didn't pull away; he only wanted for Dino to stay with him.

Dino allowed the boy to remain like that for a while before he spoke again. "Bel, if something _does_ happen to me, I want to die knowing you're safe and that you can look after yourself. Please do this for me; go and spend your school holidays with your friends. I'm going to stay here and have my own break. No one's going to hurt you there, Bel; you're safe, especially since Reborn will be there. So please, go with them. You'll be _happy_ there; I'm sure of it."

It was terrifying to think that he was going to go somewhere so busy without Dino; it was a struggle to keep himself from hyperventilating over it. But if Dino really wanted him to be with his friends…

Bel pulled away from his guardian so that he could wipe at his damp eyes. He gave a small, hesitant nod, not wanting to go at all, but knowing just how much Dino had sacrificed for _him_ ; this was the least the boy could do to thank him for all the love and care he had been given for all this time.

Dino smiled. "Tsuna said the ocean liner leaves tomorrow morning. I'll drop you off at his house by six tomorrow, okay?"

Bel nodded. He wished he could just stay home…

"I'll help you pack. I'm really happy for you. You need this." It was true; if Tsuna hadn't invited Bel along, the boy would have spent his school holidays in bed, doing nothing. It was no way for the younger to live, and hopefully if he learnt how much fun he could have with his friends, it might encourage Bel to spend more time with them outside of school.

Bel wasn't happy for himself. No; all he wanted right now was to go back to sleep and never wake up again.


	12. Chapter 12

**For this chapter, Gokudera will be pretty OOC. I will try to explain it throughout the chapter, and I will also put the reasons why in an author's note at the end as the biggest reason of all for the OOC will not be clarified through the actual story.**

Bel had found it extremely hard to part from Dino, and he hadn't been able to stop crying and clinging to his guardian for almost an hour until the man had finally soothed him and promised to call him later in the day to check on him. Though Bel had eventually allowed Dino to leave, he had continued to sob quietly to himself for a while longer; he had only had two hours' sleep, and his own exhaustion was catching up to him.

The boy had been withdrawn at Tsuna's home, and during the car ride to the docks, he had just stared out of the window as he rubbed at his wet eyes. He wanted to go back home, but he knew he couldn't now; it was too far for him to walk back home. He tried his hardest to not think about things and instead shut himself down, but it hadn't worked for long; he quickly became consumed by anxiety again after they arrived at the docks.

"Come on, Bel."

Bel gripped tightly the door handle at Tsuna's words. He trembled violently as he fought back the urge to vomit; why did he have to be so _scared_ all the time?! He _hated_ it! He wanted so badly to be able to leave his bedroom without feeling as if someone was going to hurt him, to be able to interact with people normally like his friends could instead of being too scared to so much as say a word to someone. He wished so badly he could accept the hugs and caresses Dino and his friends always tried to give him instead of shying away and having panic attacks whenever someone came too close to him.

But most of all, Bel just wanted to _live_ , and the most painful part was knowing that there was _no one_ stopping him from living apart from himself. _He_ was the reason he stayed in bed all the time; _he_ was the reason he didn't go anywhere or do anything – and as much as he wished he could, Bel just couldn't do anything to change it. He had tried… so _hard_ … to at least let people he knew and trusted touch him… But his mind was so chaotic, his anxiety had only grown worse every time he tried to put himself out of his comfort zone, and it had gotten to the point where he had become anxious of his anxiety and started to avoid everything that made him unsettled.

Bel hated himself. He hated his life. He hated having feelings, emotions. He wanted to die, to escape all the emotions he couldn't ignore, and the things in his past that haunted him every second of his life. Bel just didn't want to _feel_ anymore. He wanted to become numb, and then maybe his mind wouldn't hurt him so much.

But that wasn't going to happen any time soon, and he was instead in a car he wasn't familiar with, being tugged out of it by someone who could _never_ understand his suffering in order to make him get on a ship he wished had sunk on its way to the dock so he didn't have to _go_ to that stupid resort.

"Bel, it's alright." Tsuna was understanding when Bel's whimpers quickly developed into frightened cries the more he tugged at his friend. "It's okay; we're going to get on the ship now and then we can relax."

Bel refused to let go of his door handle as he tried to pull back from Tsuna with all of his might. He was glad that the brunet was small as well, or else he would have had a hard time trying to stay in the car.

Tsuna knew he was only going to make things worse if he didn't stop pulling at Bel, so he instead turned around to see if his friends were here yet. To his relief, Gokudera and Yamamoto had just arrived.

The brunet rubbed the back of his head sheepishly as he said to Gokudera, "Can you get Bel out of the car? He won't come out, and he might listen to you."

Gokudera pulled his cigarette from his lips so that he could drop it on the ground and put it out. He smiled at the smaller male brightly as he nodded. "Of course, Tenth! Leave everything to me!"

Bel had pressed himself up against the inside of the car door so hard, one might have thought he was hoping he could become part of it. He flinched when someone came in to sit next to him, expecting it to be Tsuna ready to pull at him again. However, when he heard Gokudera's voice, he felt a slight bit of relief wash through him; he didn't think the silver-haired male would grab at him like Tsuna had been.

Gokudera's sharp eyes looked over to Bel's door. He had been questioning why no one had just opened that one and tried to pull the boy out from there, but he then understood when he saw that it had been locked; Bel sure knew what grounds to cover when he wanted to keep people away from him.

"You know, it won't be very fun to sit in the car by yourself for the next two weeks." Gokudera folded his arms against his chest as he spoke in a gentle tone. "You can try and do it, but I think you'd get bored pretty quickly."

Bel shook his head. "…"

"Are you frightened of being so far away from your home and Dino?" Gokudera wasn't surprised when he received a hesitant nod in response. He reached out and ghosted the tips of his fingers against the back of Bel's hand. The boy whimpered and pulled away from the touch, but the younger male understood; this was a very daunting situation for his boyfriend, and Bel needed support. "But everything is going to be just fine, Bel. Dino's going to get a nice, long rest, and you can have fun with us at the resort."

Bel didn't think he was going to have fun; he was sure he was going to be too unsettled to enjoy the resort. He wished Tsuna had never said anything to Dino; he just wanted to go back to his bed and lay down.

Gokudera reached out slowly until he had wrapped his arm around his boyfriend's shoulders. He wasn't surprised when it took a while for the boy to relax; he knew that the more worked up Bel was, the more frightened of physical contact he was. Though it took a while, the younger male was overjoyed when Bel started to come closer to him and eventually had curled up on his lap in his stress.

"Come out of the car now, sweetheart." The stronger male placed a gentle kiss on Bel's forehead. "We can go straight to our room on the ship; it'll just be us two and no one else."

Bel gave a shudder and one last whimper before he allowed himself to be coaxed from the car. He stood on shaky legs as he held his boyfriend's arm tight and hid behind the younger.

Gokudera patted golden locks of hair before he said to Tsuna, "You just have to be patient with him, Tenth. He gets frightened if he thinks he's being forced."

"I'm sorry, Bel." Tsuna's apology was sincere, but he was glad to see his friend had finally left the car. "Mum's already taken our things on board, and I think Reborn's there already. Let's get on the ship."

The silver-haired male wrapped one arm around Bel's waist to give him a feeling of security. "I'm going to take Bel straight to our room until he's ready to come out by himself."

Yamamoto's eyes crinkled with kindness as he gave an honest smile. "You're so good to him, Gokudera."

A flash of guilt crossed through Gokudera's chest at those words. He was thankful Yamamoto had been able to forgive him for their rocky relationship and held no ill feelings towards the smaller males, but still…

Gokudera had treated Yamamoto pretty badly, and right in front of the baseballer, he was unintentionally rubbing the fact that they could have had _this_ into his face, too. Gokudera treated Bel _nothing_ like he had Yamamoto, and he just hoped the taller male understood why.

The silver-haired male hummed uncomfortably as he looked anywhere but at Yamamoto. He pulled Bel tighter against him before he said, "It's what Bel needs…"

Yamamoto gave Bel a smile next. "You're really lucky to have a boyfriend who dotes on you, Bel. I bet you love him."

Bel hid his face against Gokudera's shoulder. He was struggling to work through his emotions towards his boyfriend and understand what he felt towards the younger, and hearing Yamamoto's words made him feel as if he was supposed to have made up his mind and fallen in love already. Was it really so bad that he was having a lot of trouble regarding his feelings? He had thought he still had a while to sort through everything.

It was almost as if Yamamoto knew what was bothering the older male. His expression softened completely as he reached out to put a hand on Bel's shoulder and say, "It must be hard for you, being in a relationship when something bad happened to you. It's okay if you're feeling conflicted or anything; Gokudera will still take care of you and give you time to decide how you feel. He's good like that."

As if to prove his friend's point, Gokudera grabbed Bel's hand and squeezed it. He gave a small nod before he kissed his boyfriend's cheek again, just wanting to make sure Bel knew he was cared about. "Come on, Bel. Let's go find our room."

Tsuna and Yamamoto farewelled the two now that they had boarded the ship. They couldn't help but smile after Bel, finding his shy attachment to Gokudera endearing; the blond was just so adorable at times.

It didn't take long for the two to find their room, and as soon as Gokudera had unlocked the door, Bel had stepped in and headed straight for the double bed across from them. The silver-haired male didn't mind; the older male had taken a huge leap of courage to be here and deserved to feel comfortable any way he could.

Gokudera laid down on the bed next to Bel. He slid his bag off his shoulder and dropped it onto the mattress next to them. He smiled when the blond immediately moved to nestle in against him; his boyfriend had been so affectionate for the past couple of days.

"You're so cute." Gokudera leant forward so that he could drop his forehead against the boy's temple. He lifted his hand to thread his fingers through golden locks; how adorable the other was being in this moment.

Bel frowned. He reached into his pocket to pull his phone out and start typing to Gokudera; there had been something that had bothered him for a while now… _Why do you want to date me?_

Gokudera hummed. "For a lot of reasons, Bel."

 _But only Ayane has been interested in me before, so why do you act like you really like me?_

"Because I _really_ like you, Bel. It doesn't matter how little or how many people have liked you before; all that matters is that I really hope our relationship will last. I know you have low self-esteem, and that's okay; I don't mind your baggage because it instead makes me feel a little better about myself, too. We can _both_ be a little messed up. _Together_."

 _You like me because I'm messed up?_ Bel didn't know how he was supposed to take those words; on one hand, they stung a little. On the other… Well, Bel couldn't really think of the other hand.

"No; I like you because you're _you_. Look; I'm really not good with words or these kinds of things, but… I… Whatever made you this way, you can tell me, Bel. I _really_ like you, and just because you have these, uh… _problems_ , doesn't change that. I can look after you and I can _love_ you. So don't doubt yourself or think you're not good enough; I don't mind that you're in pain, and as long as you'll let me help you through it, you'll _always_ be good enough for me, Bel. I promise."

Bel nodded. He threw his phone onto the mattress behind him as he moved to snuggle in as far against Gokudera as he could get. The younger male rubbed the boy's arm and side soothingly, knowing that the other just wanted to be close to him.

"You should have a shower before lunch." Gokudera twirled a lock of dirty golden hair around his finger. He was gentle as he spoke, knowing that he couldn't let Bel think the younger was trying to boss him around. "I've heard people say that looking after yourself makes you feel better when you have depression. If you have a shower, you might feel good enough to come and have lunch with us in the restaurant."

Bel didn't want to have a shower; he wanted to lay here with Gokudera forever. But if the younger thought it might help him to feel a little better…

The boy pushed himself into a sitting position on the bed. It took a little more effort for him to stand, and even more coaxing from Gokudera for him to finally enter the bathroom and turn the shower on. He heard his boyfriend call through the closed door and tell him that he was going to get the blond's bag from Nana's room and that he would be right back, and in knowing that Gokudera wasn't in the room anymore, Bel simply stood by the running shower and making no effort to get dressed; why would he _want_ to get dressed when all he would see all over his body is scar after scar after scar from Xanxus?

Bel fought back tears. He hated his body so much, it made him want to slice himself up and replace the man's markings with wounds of his own – maybe then he wouldn't be so disgusted and ashamed of his own body.

 _ **~~XX~~**_

It had taken a bit for Gokudera to retrieve his boyfriend's bag as he hadn't been able to find Tsuna or his mother for a while; they had been sightseeing along the cruise ship, so it had taken longer than planned to get back to Bel and make sure he was okay.

The silver-haired male hadn't seen anything wrong with walking into his room without knocking on the door in case Bel had already gotten out of the shower; the way he saw it, they were boyfriends, and as long as the younger kept his hands to himself, Bel shouldn't have _too_ much of a problem if Gokudera were to see him naked – but seeing the terrified look on Bel's face as he was caught in the middle of drying his hair with his towel said everything.

"Bel, I – Bel?" Gokudera felt his stomach clench as he caught sight of all those scars on the boy's body Bel was now so desperately trying to hide with his towel. He swallowed thickly as he stepped closer to Bel. The boy backed himself away from the other until he had trapped himself against the wall. He looked anywhere but at Gokudera, not wanting to see the disgust on the other's face, or hear his boyfriend's cruel remarks now that he had seen the blond's body.

Gokudera didn't let the older male's fear deter him; he knew that right now was the most crucial time of all for him to make sure Bel _knew_ he was loved. "Those scars… Someone gave them to you, didn't they?"

"…" Bel trembled harder, terrified to think of what Gokudera could possibly have to say to him.

"Someone… really hurt you…" Gokudera reached out and pressed his palm against Bel's face. He caressed the boy's cheek, more gentle than he had ever been with anyone. He took a deep breath before he whispered, "…Can I see…?"

Bel shook his head. He was too frightened to give up his thin sheet of protection because he was certain that if Gokudera saw his body, the younger would abandon him out of pure disgust – how could _anyone_ want to be near him if they knew the scarring all over his body?

Gokudera was far from stupid; he knew what was bothering Bel, and he also knew that it wouldn't be easy to help the older male, but if they could make just a bit of improvement, it would be worth it; Bel deserved nothing but love and support, and encouragement to help him turn his life around and get better.

"Whatever they did to you, that's not your fault, Bel. Those scars? They're not your fault, either. Someone forced them on you; you didn't ask for them. If anyone treats you badly because of those scars, they aren't worth your time, Bel. When you love someone, you look past all the bad things and you focus on the parts that draw you to someone. Like with the Tenth. His whole life, he's been called 'No-Good Tsuna'. And yes, he does have no-good traits. But they have nothing to do with how I feel about him as my best friend. And those scars you have? From the moment I met you, I knew you had deep emotional scars, too. But I look past all of that, because the reason I care about you isn't for physical or emotional reasons; it's because you're someone I want to protect and care for, and share my happiness with."

"…" Bel felt a single tear roll down his cheek. He flinched when he felt Gokudera's thumb wipe it away. He didn't resist as he was pulled into a tight hug; he needed the warmth of the younger's arms around him to keep him from crying even more.

"Even if you never tell me what happened to you…" Gokudera placed a gentle kiss against Bel's lips before he continued whispering to the older male, "…trust me to love you exactly as you are…"

Bel didn't know why, seconds later, he slowly lowered the towel enough for Gokudera to see his body. He closed his eyes and struggled against his emotions; he just didn't want to see himself, and he couldn't understand why Gokudera wanted to.

"Some of these scars are your own." The younger student looked up at Bel. He wasn't surprised when he received a nod in response; a couple of the scars weren't as old as most of them, and it looked as if they had been created over older wounds – as if Bel had tried to replace them with another scar. "You'd rather look at wounds done by your own hand than see the originals…"

Bel nodded again. He didn't understand how Gokudera could scrutinise him like this and continue to stare at the evidence of the boy's pathetic existence.

And then, Gokudera saw it; the reason he _truly_ understood why Bel was unable to be touched or seen beneath his clothing. There, between his legs, was a single testicle and a penis that looked to be scarred all over – no _wonder_ Bel got frightened of intimacy; the poor thing was probably too ashamed of his lower region to ever have sex.

Gokudera could see how hard Bel was trying not to cry. He was proud of the other; it must have taken so much for the boy to trust him enough to show him.

"Bel, I love you." The silver-haired male smiled as he kissed his boyfriend's lips. "This will just be between us, alright? I won't tell anyone about your body. It'll be our little secret."

Bel nodded. He was glad Gokudera hadn't ran away screaming in horror. He wrapped his arms around the younger as he pressed himself in against Gokudera's chest, silently asking for a hug.

"Bel?" Gokudera was only too happy to give his boyfriend an embrace. He pecked the boy's forehead with his lips before he said in a soft tone, "May I see your eyes?"

Bel stiffened for a few seconds before he hesitantly reached up to brush his long bangs from his eyes. He looked anywhere but at Gokudera as he did it, not wanting for the younger to see the emotional storm that seemed to _live_ in his orbs.

"Bel…"Gokudera was breathless. He stared into violet-coloured eyes as he tried to process his thoughts; never before had he seen such a stunning sight before. "Bel, they're… They're _beautiful._ "

"…"

Gokudera smiled brightly. "You don't have to hide your eyes around me, Bel. They give away a lot of what you're feeling, but they're just so beautiful."

Bel could have cried. He had never had someone say such nice things to him before. Sure, he had Squalo and Dino who always gave him serious talks, but… Neither of _them_ had ever known how to talk to him and invoke such intense emotions in him.

Gokudera seemed to know exactly how to talk to Bel to help him through things, in ways that Dino and Squalo couldn't do. The younger male held just the right mixture of kindness and firmness, and it was now that Bel understood his boyfriend was sincere every time the silver-haired male told him that he cared about Bel.

"Let's get you dressed and ready for lunch. You don't have to hide your body from me anymore, but if you're more comfortable that way, it's okay; I'll give you privacy whenever you're taking clothing off."

For the first time since they had been dating, Bel took the plunge and gave Gokudera an honest kiss against the lips. He had never taken the initiative to do so before, and this time, he knew he was ready for the next step of their relationship; he parted his lips and invited his boyfriend into his mouth.

Gokudera accepted the invitation. He was careful to not overwhelm Bel, so he didn't keep their mouths locked together for long; he pulled away once he was sure the boy would be starting to lose his breath.

"I love you, Bel…" Gokudera smiled at the blush that was quickly coating Bel's cheeks. He rubbed the boy's cheek with his thumb before he said, "Go get dressed now, and then we'll lay down together for a while before lunch."

Bel nodded, having no objections; laying quietly with Gokudera sounded like the best idea ever right now.

 **So the reason for Gokudera being so OOC towards Bel in this fic is because it's an AU, and Bel isn't his usual cocky self who always antagonises him like in canon. I'm working with the idea that, for canon, they always fight with each other because of their history together and their personalities clash. Whereas here, Gokudera has no reason to feel agitated or worked up because of Bel's bratty nature – because it just doesn't exist. Instead, he just sees Bel as a lost, broken soul who needs someone to take care of him, which is why he's so kind and gentle towards Bel. He doesn't feel threatened of the idea of Tsuna liking Bel more than Gokudera like he does with Yamamoto in canon because even if Tsuna** _ **does**_ **like Bel more, Gokudera can accept that because he knows Bel needs love, and he also knows that Bel just has that aura about him that makes one want to protect him and look after him and never let him get hurt.**


	13. Chapter 13

When Bel returned home from the resort, he was very happy to be able to curl up in his own bed once again; it had been difficult for him to sleep in the hotel room he had been sharing with Gokudera, and though he felt safe with the younger male by his side, it had still been a very daunting experience for him and left him with little rest. It had been only natural for the boy to fall asleep in Dino's car once the older blond had picked him up from Gokudera's apartment now that he had the familiar comfort of his guardian back to soothe him into rest; he had been running on empty for so long, he couldn't help but crash once he knew he was going home.

Bel had slept for a few hours before he had woken up again and wandered out into the living room to find a note on the coffee table from Dino, explaining that the man had been called into work and would be home by dinnertime. It was rare for him to be home alone since Dino was always afraid of leaving him unsupervised, and though the boy was a little nervous, he sat down on the couch and turned the TV on so that he could rest a little more; he had done very well to trust his friends enough to follow them all over the resort for the past few weeks, and it had really taken its toll on him.

There was a good line-up of anime playing, Bel found. He was feeling well enough to go into the kitchen and get himself a bowl of ice cream, and as content as he was starting to find himself, he didn't even mind the doorbell ringing; he simply stood up and tiptoed over to the window so that he could see who it was before he decided if he should pretend no one was home.

The boy cocked his head to the side as he found Fran standing on the doorstep. He didn't hesitate to get up and unlock the front door so that he could let the younger inside; he trusted his young friend to not try and hurt him while they were home alone.

"Senpai's home… The horse said senpai was with his friends…"

Despite Fran's voice being as monotone as ever, Bel could still sense that the smaller male was upset; he couldn't explain it, but he had come to know Fran well enough to be able to pick up on something off about the other.

Bel grabbed Fran's hand and tugged the younger into the house so that he could shut and lock the front door again; he never could stand the idea of someone leaving the door unlocked for strangers to wander inside. He led his friend into the living room so that he could get his notepad and pen and sit back down on the couch again; while he still had a lot to learn about socialising, he was slowly learning enough from his own friends to have an idea of what he was supposed to do in this moment.

Putting his pen to paper, Bel mimicked the words Yamamoto always seemed to ask him. _Why are you sad?_

Fran blinked a few times. He looked up at the TV before he looked back at Bel, not sure how he was supposed to respond; he wasn't sure he really wanted to talk about things. "…"

Bel wrote again on his notepad, trying his best to recreate the many one-sided conversations he had held with Yamamoto. _If Froggy is sad, he can tell me why. I won't tell anyone._

Fran looked to his lap for a few seconds before he said quietly, "There's this pineapple…"

Bel cocked his head to the side. Fran had drifted off into silence, so he nudged the younger to try and encourage him to continue.

"…He said his name is Mukuro, and that I could stay with him if I wanted to…" Fran shook his head as he tried to gather his thoughts. He felt comfortable enough to divulge little bits to his friend, but he didn't want to talk about everything; he remembered that the other had promised to hurt him if Fran ever told anyone what had happened. "…It was really cold, so I stayed with him… He said I could have the spare bedroom…"

Bel wasn't stupid; when Fran fell into silence again, he wrote hastily on his notepad. _Did he do bad things to you?_

For the first time since Fran could remember, he felt tears well up in his eyes. He sniffed before he reached out and wrapped his arms around the blond, too scared to tell Bel the rest of what was on his mind; what if Bel told someone? What if… Bel couldn't _understand?_ "Please don't tell anyone, senpai; he said he'd hurt me if anyone finds out…"

Bel stiffened in the embrace, but he didn't pull away; he knew that Fran just needed comfort. He wasn't entirely sure of what to do, especially since he himself was so uncomfortable with touch, but he reached out and patted the younger's back; he knew that it was something Dino always did for him, so maybe it would help Fran feel more at ease?

"Senpai, please…" Fran lifted a chubby hand so that he could wipe at his wet eyes. "D-d-don't tell anyone…"

Bel nodded. He knew what it was like to not want anyone to know, and he wasn't going to tell _anyone_ ; he knew he couldn't let Fran go back to that person, but he didn't know what he could do short of telling Dino what was happening – but he had promised, and he wasn't going to break that promise.

Pulling away from the embrace so that he could write another message, he soon wrote, _I won't tell anyone. If Froggy needs someone to talk to, he can talk to me about it. I won't tell._

Fran sniffed again. He nodded. "Thank you, s-senpai…"

Bel didn't move as Fran pulled himself onto his lap. He was very uncomfortable with the position, but he would allow it; he knew that he sometimes too needed to be held by those he trusted when he was feeling vulnerable.

And then, Bel had the best idea. He was gentle as he pushed Fran off his lap so that he could stand up and go into the kitchen; Dino always made him milkshakes when he didn't feel right, and maybe a milkshake would cheer Fran up, too.

Fran waited on the couch for Bel to return, and when the boy came back after a few minutes with two milkshakes in hand, a noticeable smile crossed the younger male's features. Bel, too, smiled as the other accepted the milkshake, and when he sat back down on the couch, he was okay with letting the smaller male rest against him; he liked the feeling of being needed because he had never been able to feel so useful before.

"Senpai…?"

Bel looked down at the younger when he felt tiny fingers begin to play with his sleeve. "…"

Fran rested his head against the boy's shoulder. "…If… If I can… Can I sometimes… stay here with you…? You're really nice, senpai, and… And Mukuro… scares me…"

Bel nodded. He truly didn't mind Fran coming to stay with them because he liked the younger's company; Fran was a quiet guest who respected his needs, after all.

A slight smile crossed Fran's face. "Can I stay here for tonight…?"

Again, Bel nodded.

"Can I sleep in your bed with you?"

It was then Bel hesitated to agree. It was true he had taken naps with his little friend before, but to actually share his bed for the night… It had been stressful enough to share with Gokudera at the resort, and when he sometimes got into Dino's bed through the night, it could still be taxing on him.

But Fran was so harmless, and Bel really wanted to be able to learn how to share his bed so that he could sleep with Gokudera more often.

The boy nodded stiffly after a while. He looked away when Fran hugged him again, trying to relax his tense body; he knew it was going to take a long time, but at least he was slowly getting better with trusting his friends.

"Thank you, senpai…" Fran nuzzled his cheek against Bel's arm before he let out a yawn and closed his eyes. "I'm tired… Can I nap…?"

Bel wrapped his arm around the child's shoulders in a silent yes, and he couldn't help but feel his chest warm as Fran fell asleep against him; he felt purposeful in knowing that his friend wanted _his_ reassurance.

But the more Bel thought about it, the angrier he felt in knowing that someone was hurting Fran how _he_ had been hurt – he had promised Fran he wouldn't tell anyone, so he wouldn't, but if he ever found out who had done it to his friend, he would kill them.

Bel was just protective like that. He would never harm someone he cared about, but he wouldn't hesitate to hurt someone he considered a threat – and someone like Xanxus was the _worst_ kind of threat imaginable.

 _ **~~XX~~**_

True to his word, Bel had allowed Fran to stay for the night. Dino had picked up on the youngest being upset, but he hadn't pried; he had a feeling his guest had already told Bel what was bothering him since the two were near-inseparable for the day. He was glad Fran was staying over because he hated to think of where the kid was going at night; he was pretty sure Fran had found some sort of living arrangement, but he didn't know the details; the youngest hadn't wanted to tell him everything.

Dino didn't mind the two staying up late; while he would have preferred for them both to go to bed early because of their young ages, he was lenient for tonight; they were having fun together, and it was a welcome change over Bel spending his day in bed.

"Boys, I'm going to go to bed now." Dino closed the lid of the laptop he had been working on so that he could take it back into his bedroom; he knew Bel would play with it if it was left in the living room, and it had all of his work stuff on it and he couldn't afford to lose any of it. "Try not to stay up too much longer; it's getting late. Bel, please turn the TV down a little bit; it might wake the neighbours."

Bel nodded. He grabbed the TV remote and turned the volume down, knowing that the surround sound was very powerful and had disturbed the neighbours before. He yawned as he laid back down with his head on Fran's lap and watched his friend play on his PlayStation; he hadn't been able to find much motivation to play, too, so he just wanted to watch for now.

"Goodnight, boys. Sleep well. Wake me if you need anything." With that said, Dino left to go to bed. He hoped Bel would have a good night's sleep; the boy always seemed to wake up a little more refreshed whenever Gokudera spent the night with him.

Bel and Fran hadn't been alone for long before Bel reached into his pocket and pulled his phone out so that he could type to Fran. _I'm getting tired, Froggy. Let's go to bed._

Fran nodded. He watched as Bel stood up to turn everything off, and once the older male started heading towards the hallway, he followed. He was understanding when his friend took clean pyjamas into the bathroom to get dressed in, and he waited patiently in bed for Bel to join him.

When Bel came back into the bedroom, he turned the light off and made his way to his bed. He climbed in beneath the blankets, and though he was uncomfortable to feel Fran cuddling in against him, he didn't pull away; at least they were _both_ safe here in his bedroom together.

Bel's eyes hadn't been closed for long before Fran whispered, "Senpai? Are you still awake?"

Bel hummed in response. He could feel the smaller male snuggling in closer to him.

"…" Fran sighed. "…I… I don't want to have nightmares again…"

Bel frowned. He understood perfectly what Fran was saying; even now, eight years after his own assault, the boy still had extremely vivid nightmares, as if it was happening all over again. He finally reached out and wrapped an arm around his friend to hold him close; if just for tonight, he would be strong for Fran and protect him from the suffering.

Deep inside, Bel wanted someone to protect him like this, too.


	14. Chapter 14

It had been four years since Bel had started to date Gokudera, and in that time, he begun to get better with the younger male's help; while Bel was still severely depressed, he was able to spend more time out of his bed and with his friends. He was still suicidal, and there were the nights where he just couldn't sleep and the cuts on his wrists would accumulate, but he was able to smile more and more, and all that mattered was that he was starting to learn what it was like to be happy again.

It was the morning of Gokudera's eighteenth birthday, and Bel had been the first one to wake up. He was a little excited, eager to give his boyfriend his present and spend the day with him. He smiled softly as he snuggled in against the younger male, reaching out so that he could play with soft strands of silver.

Gokudera groaned softly before his eyes flickered open. He frowned as he noticed the time on the alarm clock behind Bel; it was still so early… "Go back to sleep, Bel; it's five-thirty."

Bel shook his head; how could he go back to sleep when he was feeling so joyful? His smile widened when he felt long fingers reach out to thread through his hair, and he couldn't help but press into the touch; even when Gokudera was so tired, he was still so affectionate.

"We'll get up at six-thirty; go back to sleep…" With that said, Gokudera was out like a light. He had been up late last night studying in between taking care of Bel, and he was too tired to indulge in his boyfriend's habit of waking up too early.

Bel didn't want to go back to sleep, but he also didn't want to get out of bed any time soon; he was so comfortable next to Gokudera, and he just wanted to lay there forever. He laid against the younger male as he watched the sun rise through the balcony doors, and once he heard Gokudera's alarm go off, he couldn't help but sit up in excitement; he was sure he was more excited than his boyfriend was, but that was okay; it wasn't every day he could feel energy rushing through him like this.

Gokudera sighed as he turned the alarm off. He wanted to go back to sleep, but he knew Bel wouldn't let him; not after the silver-haired male had promised to get up now. He opened his eyes as he looked up at the smaller male, unable to keep a smile from crossing his face as he noticed the happy grin Bel was donning.

"Good morning, Bel." Gokudera reached out and put his hand on Bel's knee. "Did you sleep well? I don't remember waking up with you last night."

Bel nodded. It was true he had had a good sleep; he had been looking forward to today so much, even his nightmares had been absent. He leant down so that he could kiss his boyfriend, having grown to love every little interaction he could share with Gokudera; the younger male meant so much to him, but he didn't know how to express it outside of kisses and hugs.

The silver-haired male stifled a yawn before he, too, sat up. He rubbed at his eyes before he said, "I'm not going to go to school today. The Tenth has to go, but you and I can go out for lunch today. Would you like that?"

Bel's smile brightened as he nodded; he didn't mind what they did together because he just loved spending time with Gokudera.

"Good. In the meantime, let's have a coffee before we shower. Would you like your hot chocolate in bed again?"

Bel shook his head. He made a soft sound before he jumped forward and knocked Gokudera back onto the mattress. He lay on top of the younger, rubbing their cheeks together.

Gokudera couldn't help but smile. He rested his palm against Bel's cheek as he said, "Someone's in a good mood today. You're not usually this bouncy in the mornings until you have your hot chocolate."

Bel hummed in response. He readjusted himself so that he was curled up on top of his boyfriend; there was nothing more relaxing than waking up in the mornings next to Gokudera, and he was just so happy Dino had finally allowed him to move in with the younger; as much as he loved his guardian, Bel felt much happier living with the silver-haired male.

Gokudera kissed the older male's lips before he pushed gently at the other's frail chest. "It's time to get up now, Bel; you know I need my coffee in the mornings."

Bel nodded. He sat back on his haunches as he watched Gokudera get up from the bed. He waited until his boyfriend had left the room before he, too, followed; he never had liked being too far away from the younger.

"Hey, Bel?" Gokudera called out from the kitchen as Bel moved straight to the living room to wait patiently for his hot chocolate. "Bianchi said she'll stop by for breakfast to give me my present. She said Mink has to be in our room when she gives me the present. I'm not sure why, but after your shower, can you put Mink in our room?"

Bel knew he didn't need to show he had heard the younger; Gokudera had learnt long ago how to talk to the smaller male when the other was still mute after all these years. The blond instead turned the TV on so that he could watch the news as he waited for his hot chocolate; he was so spoilt by his boyfriend, and he hoped Gokudera understood how much he appreciated everything the younger did for him.

It didn't take long for Gokudera to come into the living room with two mugs in his hands. He smiled as he passed one to his boyfriend before he sat next to the older male; even if Bel never talked, the blond's company was still very pleasant.

"Dino messaged me last night." The silver-haired male chuckled when Bel dropped his head to his boyfriend's shoulder. "He asked me how you're going. I told him you went to bed early and he was happy you're getting some sleep now. Are the sleeping tablets making you feel okay?"

Bel hummed happily as he nodded. He let out a sigh of contentment as he moved closer to his boyfriend, but he soon frowned as he heard his phone beeping from the kitchen bench where he had left it to charge last night; he didn't want to get up and check it because he just wanted to stay with Gokudera.

"Don't worry about it, sweetheart." Gokudera kissed his boyfriend's lips before he continued on. "You can check it later. Just tell them you were still sleeping."

Bel nodded. He turned his attention to his hot chocolate; while he sipped at them, Gokudera usually finished his coffees within minutes of making them.

Like now, as the younger male stood up to take his empty mug back to the kitchen. He called over his shoulder as he left. "Finish your hot chocolate; I'm going to have my shower and you can have yours after I get out."

Bel frowned, but he didn't protest; unlike Dino, who had often been too busy with his work to always keep track of whenever the younger blond cared for his hygiene and sometimes let the boy get away with not showering or looking after himself, Gokudera found it a lot easier to keep an eye on his boyfriend and encourage him to shower. It didn't mean Bel willingly did it, and he would sometimes try and get out of taking his showers, but now that showering was becoming a morning ritual for him, it was easier to find the motivation to take care of himself.

The blond lay down on the couch as he listened to the sounds of running water from the bathroom. He always felt a little anxious whenever Gokudera was in a separate room, but he didn't feel comfortable going near the bathroom while his boyfriend was in there; he would rather wait somewhere else for Gokudera to come back.

Thankfully, Gokudera didn't take long to come back and coax Bel into having his own shower.

 _ **~~XX~~**_

When Bel had emerged from his bedroom after having his shower and getting dressed, he went back to the living room to sit with Gokudera. He stopped in the hallway when he heard his boyfriend's sister talking, but he soon found the courage to continue on; Bianchi had never done anything to him before, and he knew Gokudera wouldn't let her start now.

"Oh, Bel." Gokudera grinned when he noticed the older male stepping into the living room. "Come look at what Bianchi got me."

Bel cocked his head to the side before he moved back to his spot on the couch. He peered down into the taller male's arms, his head tilting further as he noticed what looked to be a fluffy lump being held against Gokudera's chest.

"It's a kitten." Gokudera lifted the animal up for Bel to hold. "Isn't he cute? I'm going to name him Uri."

Bel smiled as he took the kitten into his arms. He loved animals, finding them to be very relaxing. He knew he would have to watch Mink around the kitten, but he was sure it would be okay; he wouldn't let anything happen to Gokudera's new kitten.

Bianchi had never been one to talk a lot, but Bel didn't mind; he preferred when she paid more attention to her brother than she did to him because it was less for him to stress over. "Did Bel give you a morning present?"

Gokudera frowned as he looked over to Bel. He wasn't surprised that his boyfriend was donning an upset look at the question; the blond wasn't stupid and knew what Bianchi was insinuating. He reached out with one arm to invite the smaller male to rest against him, and he didn't speak again until he was holding Bel close. "You know we don't have sex…"

"Then how have you two managed for four years without it?" It was true Bianchi and Gokudera didn't always get along, but that didn't mean she didn't love her brother; she would do anything to protect him because she just _worried_ about him. "Surely you've had it together at least once."

Gokudera shook his head as he squeezed Bel tighter against him. "We don't have it. Bel isn't ready. I mean… It's not like I don't _want_ it or something, because I _do_ … But it's up to Bel when we have it, and he knows we don't have to have it if he doesn't want to. I want him to be ready before we have it."

Bel felt terrible. He knew how much Gokudera wanted to have sex with him, but the younger male was being so very patient with him and never asked for sexual acts. If the student was aroused, he took care of it in the bathroom so he didn't frighten Bel, and he never watched porn until Bel was out of the house for the day – he wouldn't even watch it while Bel was fast asleep at night, because he didn't want for the older male to learn to associate their home with any anxiety he still carried around.

Bel didn't understand why Bianchi was bringing this up, and it upset him; he felt as if he were supposed to give his boyfriend birthday sex, as if he should have gotten over his trauma years ago and let Gokudera fuck him as much as he wanted to, whenever he wanted. He knew that Dino hadn't waited long before he started having sex with his ex-girlfriends, and that Yamamoto, too, had already had it. It seemed that everywhere he looked, there was sex around him, everywhere but in his own home, with his own boyfriend.

Was Bel a bad boyfriend for being unable to have sex? Was he being cruel to Gokudera by depriving the younger of his needs? Just because Bel himself couldn't feel sexual desire, was it fair of him to expect for Gokudera to wait for so long?

"I told Bel when we started dating that we don't need to have sex, and I still stand by that."

Bel snapped out of his thoughts as he heard Gokudera's voice. He looked up at his boyfriend, watching with wary eyes as the younger explained things to his sister.

"I'm not going to rush him into anything he isn't ready for, and even if we never have sex together, I don't care; I promised Bel that there will be no sex if he doesn't want it, and that isn't going to change."

Bianchi nodded. She knew how stubborn her brother could be at times, and she didn't want to argue about it in front of Bel; the blond was probably already feeling bad enough about making Gokudera wait for so long.

"I've got to go, Hayato. Have a good birthday." Bianchi, who had stopped by on her way to work, stood up. "I'll see you later."

Gokudera nodded. He didn't get up to see her out; he was too busy holding Bel close to him. "See you then."

It was silent when the apartment door closed quietly half a minute later. Gokudera looked down to Bel, seeing that the older male was still nursing the kitten tightly as he frowned down at his lap. He pressed a gentle kiss to the corner of Bel's lips before he said, "Don't worry about what anyone says, Bel; they don't need to know why we don't have sex. I meant it when I said I don't care if we ever have it or not; I don't want you to feel pressured or anything."

Bel sighed. He leant forward so that he could take his notepad and pen from the floor in front of the couch. _Am I a bad boyfriend for not wanting sex?_

Gokudera shook his head. "Nope. You have needs, and I don't mind; even if no one else understands, _I_ do, Bel. I love you."

Bel smiled softly as he turned around to wrap his arms around his boyfriend. He wanted so badly to be able to tell Gokudera verbally that he loved the younger, too, but no matter how hard he tried to mouth the words, all he could manage was an anxious squeak before he stopped; despite so many years having passed, his anxiety level was still too high for him to be able to speak again.

Gokudera didn't mind; he just chuckled as he lifted his hand to caress Bel's cheek. "You don't have to say it; I know you love me, too, baby."

Bel's smile widened as he tilted his head upwards to kiss the younger's cheek. He snuggled in close against his boyfriend as he closed his eyes in contentment; he was so glad he had said yes to Gokudera all those years ago because he knew he couldn't have been as happy as he was now if he had said no.

 _ **~~XX~~**_

Bel liked it when they had their parties at their own homes; while he enjoyed going out with Gokudera, he didn't like big gatherings in public and instead felt more comfortable at his own home. Tsuna and Yamamoto had come around after they had finished school, and Dino and Fran had come around a little later.

Bel hadn't minded the small group in his home because they had allowed him to have the couch to himself and do his own thing. He had been happy, having fun with his friends, but when Dino approached him out of the blue with an uncertain expression on his face, he knew the other had bad news for him.

"I know you're happy with Hayato, Bel." Dino reached out and threaded his fingers through the younger's soft golden locks. He sighed before he looked away and said, "…I'm thinking of moving back to Italy to be there for Squalo, and I don't think it'd be very good to leave you up here on your own – not when I won't be here for you when Gokudera needs another break… Do you think you'll be able to come back to Italy, Bel?"

Bel felt as if his whole world had come shattering down, and he couldn't remember the last time he had cried so hard; when he was finally learning how to be happy again… Dino wanted to take him away.

Why was life so _cruel…?_


	15. Chapter 15

It had only been a few days since Gokudera's birthday, and Bel had calmed down after his talk with Dino. The younger blond had been very distressed, terrified of being taken away from the life he was finally growing comfortable and _happy_ with, but when Dino had promised to never make any decisions regarding Italy without consulting Bel first, he had slowly relaxed, knowing his old guardian would never just take him away without preparing him for it first.

"We had our geography test today for our first class." Gokudera, who was bringing Bel back home after the blond's appointment with his doctor, turned the car into the driveway to access the underground parking for their apartment complex. "Yamamoto came to school late, and he had his math shit with him. He was panicking because he hadn't been studying and wasn't ready. The idiot laughed when I told him he was thinking of geometry instead of what test we actually had."

Bel's lips lifted upwards at the story. He always enjoyed hearing about his boyfriend's day at school because he hated whenever he was home alone until the younger finished his classes; hearing about what Gokudera got up to in the day made him feel a lot better about staying in bed waiting for the silver-haired male to come back.

"I can't believe he's been taking the class for how many years now and never learnt the difference between geometry and geography." Gokudera parked the car in his space and turned it off. He didn't speak again until he and Bel were standing next to it. He took the smaller male's hand as they started walking before he said, "It's no wonder he's close to failing. He'd still be back in middle school if it weren't for me helping him with his work."

Bel giggled. He stepped into the elevator with Gokudera and repeatedly pressed the button for their floor; he was starting to get a little bit of his original childish behaviour back, a hopeful sign that he would eventually recover from the trauma inflicted on him. He hummed happily to himself as he rocked back and forth on his heels, and he couldn't help but purr when he felt his boyfriend thread long digits through his golden locks.

"You're really happy today." Gokudera smiled. He looked over his shoulder when the elevator stopped and the doors opened, and he didn't speak again until he and Bel were walking down the corridor to their apartment. "Did you have a good day in town with Dino?"

Bel nodded. He had enjoyed lunch with his old guardian, and it had been nice to relax at the man's home for a while, too.

"I'm glad. My friends and I, and maybe Dino, will be going out on the weekend. Do you want to come with us, or would you rather stay home?" By now, the two had drawn ever closer to their apartment, and their neighbour was approaching them. Gokudera didn't think much of it; he was more focused on waiting for Bel to respond.

Bel hummed before he pointed towards their apartment; at the moment he felt more comfortable staying home rather than going out, but Gokudera knew he might change his mind later on.

Gokudera kissed Bel's cheek. "I'll make up a bed for you on the couch and get you some sushi and new movies to watch while I'm with my friends. Is there anything else you'll want?"

The silver-haired male had never expected for a verbal reply since he was talking to Bel, so when one came, he almost didn't know what to think – that was, until he realised it had come from their neighbour who was passing by them.

"He probably wants you to stop acting like his babysitter and more like his boyfriend." The man stopped by the younger two, and while he didn't look at Bel, he sent a look of annoyance towards Gokudera. "The walls between our apartments are so thin, and I can hear every word you say to him. He's meant to be your boyfriend, but all you are is some fancy babysitter. You two don't even have sex, so how can you call yourself his boyfriend?"

Bel looked at the ground as he moved to hide behind Gokudera. He could feel the younger male's hand gripping his, and he whimpered.

"What do you care what we do in our relationship?" Gokudera narrowed his eyes. "He's _my_ boyfriend and not _yours_ , so keep your fuckin' nose out of it."

"I've heard you two in the bedroom. You've tried to have sex before, but all he could do was cry. You really think that's a healthy relationship?"

"Our relationship isn't built on sex; it's built on trust and understanding. Our relationship would be unhealthy if I forced Bel into bed with me – but I don't, and we've only tried to have it together whenever he's felt he was ready. Just because _you_ think sex is crucial in a relationship doesn't mean _I_ do."

"You really think either of you are going to be happy in a relationship going nowhere?" The man raised an eyebrow as he looked at Bel. "You're always busy with school and work and you go out with your friends a lot, and you leave the poor thing home by himself all the time. You lead too busy a life to have much time for your own boyfriend, and he's the complete opposite who has _too_ much time because all you two are is pretty much friends who live together and nothing more."

"Bel's comfortable with how our relationship is, and that's all that matters. We don't care what you have to say about us because you know _nothing_. We don't have to stand here and listen to someone like you, so we'll be going home now. Come on, Bel."

Bel didn't hesitate to follow Gokudera past their neighbour and towards their apartment; he was just glad to get away from what was upsetting him so much. He felt sick as his boyfriend unlocked the front door; all he wanted to do was lay down in bed for a while and try to forget what had happened in the corridor.

"Are you okay, Bel?" Gokudera put his hand on the older male's forearm. He frowned when the blond shook his head. "Go have a rest. Try not to think about it; he doesn't know what he's talking about."

Bel hummed. He stared down at the ground as he made his way to their bedroom, but even when he was curled up beneath the blankets, he still felt restless; he couldn't stop thinking about things he hated so much, and he wasn't sure if he could keep it all inside for any longer; he needed someone to understand what he had been through, and the only two people who knew the truth couldn't help him in this moment; Squalo was still in Italy and couldn't answer his phone if Xanxus was around, and Dino was too busy with work to talk to him.

That left only one option, and as scared as he was, he knew he could no longer hide everything and pretend he was okay. Bel sat up on the mattress and grabbed his notepad and pen from the bedside table. His tears fell onto the lined pages as he wrote in shaky handwriting about his childhood and everything that had happened to him to shape him into the person he was today. He wrote about how his family had abandoned him, how Squalo had found him and given him a home. He didn't hide how Xanxus was abusive to Squalo, and when it came time to write about what had happened on his birthday, he opened up about everything. By the time he finished explaining how Dino had taken him in after everything that had happened, the notepad in his hand was drenched by tears, but he still took it out into the living room to give to his boyfriend.

Gokudera had been seated at the desk, with a textbook open by his side as he alternated between researching something on the internet and flicking back to his Facebook page to talk to Tsuna. He turned around as he heard Bel bump into the coffee table, and when he noticed the tears that were still rolling down the smaller male's cheeks, he bit his cheek.

"It's okay, Bel." Gokudera waited for Bel to approach him. The blond sat down in the chair next to his before he passed the notepad over with trembling hands. The younger flicked through all of the pages, concerned to see that whatever Bel wanted to tell him was enough to take up two-dozen pages. He didn't hesitate to read from the beginning, and he said nothing until he had gotten to the very last word. He felt sick as he looked up at Bel; Dino had hinted before, but never outright said anything about Bel's past, and while he had guessed at some things, he couldn't have imagined such darkness in only a few years. "Bel…"

Bel looked to his lap, not sure he wanted to hear what Gokudera had to say – but to his surprise, the younger said nothing; he simply stood up and wrapped his arms tight around Bel. It was silent for several minutes before the silver-haired male pulled away and whispered, "I'm sorry that happened to you, Bel. I still love you. I won't let anyone make you feel bad about yourself; none of that was your fault, and you didn't deserve any of it."

Bel took his notepad back so that he could write something else. _I'm sorry I'm a bad boyfriend, Hayato._

"You're not a bad boyfriend at all," Gokudera promised. "You've been through a lot; I understand. It's not your fault. As long as you're happy, that's all that matters. I'm always here for you when you're feeling flat."

Bel smiled through his tears as he leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Gokudera. He nuzzled in against his boyfriend's cheek, so glad that he had come to love the taller male over the years. Part of him still thought about Ayane and wondered how things could have been between them had she not tried to rush him into things he wasn't ready for, but even so, he believed he wouldn't have been as happy with her as he was with Gokudera, because though it had taken a long time to come to trust his boyfriend, he had never been able to feel as comfortable around someone as he could his partner.

Gokudera smiled as he cupped Bel's face. He kissed the smaller male gently before he said, "Let's go on a date; I'm sick of studying."

Bel smiled brightly. He lifted his hand to wipe his tears away; it had been a while since they had been on a date together because Gokudera had been very busy studying for his upcoming exams.

"Want to go down to the river and then go to a restaurant for lunch?" Gokudera threaded his fingers through soft golden locks. He kissed the tip of the older male's nose when he received a nod in response. "Go and get ready, then. I'll just quickly finish this project and then we'll go."

Bel nodded. He left the living room to go and clean himself up a bit, and he only had to wait on the couch for a few minutes before Gokudera turned the computer off and stood up. He was happy to leave their apartment with his boyfriend because he always loved spending time with the younger.

Sometimes he wished he had met Gokudera sooner, and then maybe he wouldn't have fallen as deep into his depression as he had.

 _ **~~XX~~**_

The river was one of Bel's favourite places to spend time with Gokudera. It was quiet, and not many people came down to such an isolated area. While the blond didn't always join his partner in swimming, he sometimes dipped his toes into the cold water; he was nervous about removing his clothing in order to get into the water, and he also didn't want for them to be saturated, either.

Today, though, Bel couldn't help but think about how nice it would be to join Gokudera in the water, especially since it was getting a little warm out. He fingered the hem of his shirt tentatively, and after looking around at their surroundings to reassure himself that it was only them at the river, he was finally able to pull it off his torso and carefully place it down next to the other's pile of clothing. It was harder for him to remove his pants and leave himself in only his boxers, but he was able to do it with a bit of encouragement from Gokudera.

"Careful, Bel." The younger male held Bel's hand as they slowly waded deeper into the river. "It gets deep fast. Let's swim out to that little island in the middle."

Bel nodded. He followed Gokudera out into the middle of the river, finding that the small island looked very comfortable; the grass looked so green and soft, and he couldn't wait to try it out for himself.

It didn't take long to reach the island, and once they had, they laid down on the grass together. Bel's head rested on Gokudera's chest as the younger male caressed his boyfriend's side slowly; it was relaxing out here where it was just the two of them and no one else.

Gokudera was glad Bel had eventually been able to allow the silver-haired male to touch his bare skin. It had taken three years, and slowly but surely, the blond had stopped panicking whenever he felt skin-on-skin contact.

"I gotta work tomorrow…" Gokudera sighed; he would much rather stay home with Bel than have to go to work and deal with stupid people. "Can't be fucked…"

Bel snuggled closer. He kissed his boyfriend's chin as he purred softly, no long bothered whenever long fingers caressed his many scars; while he still resented his body and the marring left behind by Xanxus, he no longer felt ashamed of the old wounds around Gokudera; the younger male had only ever showed him love and support for them.

Gokudera chuckled. "You can hang out with Tsuna and the baseball idiot if you want tomorrow. They said they were going to see a movie."

The blond nodded. He closed his eyes as he relaxed, comforted greatly by their position. "…"

The younger male smiled. He rolled them over so that he was on top of Bel. He knew the blond trusted him, and that though it had taken a long time, the smaller male didn't mind being laid on top of now as long as it was Gokudera. He drew Bel into a deep, passionate kiss as his hands wandered down the older male's sides.

Bel returned the kiss. He enjoyed the hands that ghosted against his skin, knowing Gokudera would never do anything to him that he wasn't ready for.

As expected, Gokudera's hands stopped short of Bel's boxers. But one thing the taller male would _never_ have expected was for the blond's hands to twitch before they hesitantly reached out and cupped the front of his boyfriend's swimwear.

Gokudera gasped, but he didn't say anything; he knew to just let Bel do what he was comfortable with and see where it led. He didn't mind how slowly his boyfriend caressed him, or how often the smaller male stopped and started; all that mattered was that Bel was taking a huge step.

What gave Gokudera the most hope that Bel was finally starting to complete the healing process was the way the blond had next grabbed the younger's hand and moved it onto his own crotch in silent request to be pleasured as well.


	16. Chapter 16

Six years had passed before Dino spoke to Bel about moving back to Italy again. It had taken a long time to finally make the blond comfortable with the idea of leaving his new life behind in order to return to the one that had broken him in the first place, but soon enough, Dino had been able to promise him that he would never let Xanxus near Bel again, and the younger blond had eventually been able to agree to returning with Dino, especially since the man was bringing Fran with them so that Bel would still have a friend.

They were sitting in one of the terminals of the airport together, waiting for their flight to start boarding. Tsuna and his friends were with them, wanting to farewell the group. While Tsuna and Yamamoto talked with Dino and Fran, Gokudera and Bel sat next to them, cuddling together as they waited. Gokudera had always been good at hiding things, so to an outsider it would look as if he weren't particularly bothered – but inside, he felt as if he were in turmoil; he didn't want for Bel to go back to Italy, but he would never try and control his boyfriend, and if Bel wanted to go back, that was his choice.

Bel himself played with Gokudera's sleeve. His face was damp with tears as he trembled, heartbroken to be leaving behind all he had known for so long, but he wanted to see Squalo again and help him like Dino would. At least Dino had promised to get Bel back to Japan if the younger blond decided he didn't want to stay in Italy any longer; it was good to have such an understanding guardian.

"Bel, we have to start boarding."

The addressed blond looked up at Dino's voice. He frowned deeply as he realised he was going to have to say goodbye to everyone. He whimpered as Gokudera got him to his feet, wishing he could sit there forever with his boyfriend.

"Come on, Bel…" Gokudera sounded sad, and Bel hated to know that he was the reason for it. "Have you got your bag?"

Bel reached down to grab his backpack from his feet. He hugged it tight to his chest as he started following behind the other males. Nothing else was said between any of them until they had lined up at the back of the queue, and while Yamamoto and Tsuna farewelled Dino and Fran, Gokudera hugged Bel tight.

"Message me on Facebook when you get home, okay?" Gokudera pulled away so that he could thread his fingers through golden locks. He leant in to kiss his boyfriend before he said, "Let me know that you're safe. Keep me updated on what's happening, okay? I love you."

Bel nodded. He turned his attention to Tsuna and Yamamoto, who had just come to his side to say goodbye. They each gave him their own hug, and after telling him how much they would miss him, the younger three turned to leave the airport.

Fran looked up at Bel. He wasn't surprised to see how upset his friend was; he knew how close the blond was to Gokudera, and it must have been hard for him to make the decision to come back to Italy. "Are you okay, senpai?"

Bel shook his head. He reached up to wipe at his eyes, and he couldn't help but shuffle closer to the younger male when he felt Fran grab his hand; how glad he was that even if he couldn't bring Gokudera with them, Fran had wanted to come.

"It's okay, Bel," Dino promised. "You have him on Facebook, so you can still talk to him."

Bel nodded. He knew the man was right, but still… It had only been a few minutes and he missed Gokudera already.

"Try and have a sleep on the plane." Dino glanced over his shoulder at Bel as he moved forward to show his ticket to the stewardess. "Hayato said you haven't been sleeping again."

It was true; Bel had been so stressed, he hadn't been able to sleep, even with strong sleeping pills. On the odd occasion he had managed to fall asleep, it wouldn't take him long to jerk awake and lay restlessly in bed for the rest of the night.

"I'll sleep with you, senpai," Fran promised. "Let's go find our seats."

Bel couldn't disagree; he was just so exhausted, all he wanted to do was sit down and try not to think about how miserable he was feeling.

 _ **~~XX~~**_

It had been a long flight, and as tired as Bel was, he hadn't been able to fall asleep until the early hours of the morning. The plane was due to land within the hour, and Dino was dreading it; how could he wake Bel up when he was finally sleeping?

But Dino couldn't just leave Bel on the plane alone, and he didn't want to carry the younger through the crowded airport; it would be so inconvenient, and it looked as if the only choice he had would be to wake Bel up if he didn't wake up himself soon.

The plane landed at the airport, and Bel was still asleep. Dino felt horrible as he reached out to shake the younger awake, and he felt even worse when the smaller blond whimpered and struggled to wake up.

"It's okay, Bel." Dino reached out and pulled Bel to his feet. He supported the younger until he had woken up enough to grab his backpack and leave the plane. "We're going to get our suitcases from downstairs, and then we'll catch a taxi to our new home."

Bel sighed. He was too tired to really notice anything that was going on around him; he barely even heard what Dino was saying to him. He felt like a zombie as he stumbled after Dino and Fran, his head swimming and his body weak. He felt sick, like he needed to throw up but couldn't quite find anything to vomit. Even the people he bumped into on his journey, he barely noticed; just that he had been jostled somehow.

When they had collected their luggage and stepped outside, Bel didn't even register the sudden cool air on his skin, or being helped into the back of a car; all he knew was that he was sitting again, and he couldn't keep his eyes open.

"Senpai's asleep again." Fran didn't mind when Bel's head dropped onto his shoulder in the back seat of the taxi; he liked having the blond trust him so much.

"Let him sleep; he needs it." Dino, who sat in the front, was just glad to see Bel was feeling better.

Fran nodded. He fell silent again during the car ride; he hoped as much as Dino did that Bel would be able to cope with coming back to Italy – but even if he couldn't, they would understand; he had been through a lot here, after all.


	17. Chapter 17

"Senpai…"

Bel poked his head out from beneath his blanket at Fran's voice. He was trembling slightly from the anxiety being back in Italy was invoking in him, but as much as he wanted to be left alone, he still recognised the well-hidden distress in his friend's voice. "…?"

Fran moved from the bedroom door so that he could join Bel on the bed. He looked to his lap as he tried to lock his emotions away, but he was failing, and he didn't know how much longer he would be able to keep up his emotionless façade. "…Senpai… I… H-he's followed me…"

Bel frowned. He reached out so that he could pull Fran to lay down next to him. He lifted the blankets over the younger so that they could hide beneath them together. He didn't need to talk; Fran knew the blond cared because said blond was holding him close and nuzzling their cheeks together.

A single tear rolled down Fran's cheek as he returned the embrace; even though Bel was mute, the older male was the only one who had ever been able to bring him comfort. "Senpai… He… I hate Mukuro… He knows where I go to school…"

Bel leant up on his elbow so that he could reach across to his bedside table and take his phone. He unlocked it and begun typing. _What did he do?_

"He said… that he couldn't stand to know I was leaving him… So he came back to Italy so he could still have me…"

 _You need to tell Dino, Froggy; I hate knowing he hurts you._ The older male dropped his phone to his chest so that he could hug Fran tight.

Fran felt sick. "Senpai… I don't… I don't want anyone to know… I… I'm scared…"

 _I'll tell Dino if you want me to._

"No… Senpai, you don't… You don't know what he says to me… If anyone finds out, he'll… He said he'll… He knows I'm closest to you… I don't want him to hurt you…"

Bel didn't know how to respond to that; Fran was being threatened into silence, and he knew that it was working well – Fran wasn't about to admit what was happening to him any time soon, if ever. The blond could relate; he'd only ever told Fran and Gokudera about his own abuse, and if anyone else knew, it wasn't because he had told them.

"Bel-senpai, I… I just…" Fran's shoulders heaved with emotion. "…I.. W-why did he… have to follow me..?"

Bel wanted so badly to be able to protect Fran, but he knew there was nothing he could do; as much as he wanted to help, he couldn't.

"…I want to die, senpai… Please…"

 _I don't know what to do, Froggy._ Bel felt tears of his own well up in his eyes; it was agonising to think about losing Fran, and he wondered if that was how Dino and his friends always felt whenever he attempted suicide. _I love Froggy. Please don't die._

The teal-haired male fell silent as he read his friend's message. He didn't want to hurt Bel, but he felt so sick, he didn't know what else he was supposed to do; he had thought he would finally get away from the abuse by moving to Italy, but it had been pointless; Mukuro had only followed.

 _Will Froggy come to me first if he ever tries to kill himself? I want to help Froggy._

"Senpai… He said he's going to make something bad happen… I'm scared…"

Before Bel could reassure the younger that he would do his best to protect Fran, Dino knocked on the bedroom door and entered. The older blond looked distressed, and when he looked at Bel, he looked heartbroken. He spoke in a quiet voice, one that told the smaller blond the other really didn't want to have this conversation. "Fran, can I please talk to you in the living room, please…?"

After Fran had gotten out of the bed to follow Dino out of the room, Bel also went to stand up. However, he froze when his guardian shook his head at him.

"No, Bel, you stay in here, please; I need to talk to Fran in private."

Neither Fran nor Bel liked the sound of this, but there was no protesting; they knew better than to do so when Dino was visibly bothered.

What told Bel that Dino had _really_ bad news was the fact that, in just minutes, Fran's agonised cries sounded throughout the house.

 **~~XX~~**

 _Where's Fran?_

Dino swallowed thickly as he looked at the screen of Bel's phone. He felt sick, and he didn't want to answer the question, knowing how much it would hurt his charge. He looked away. "…Fran… has gone to live with a foster family… Someone… found out he isn't mine legally…"

Tears welled up in Bel's eyes as he started typing at his phone again. _Why didn't he say goodbye to me…?_

"Because he was taken too quickly, Bel." The older blond reached out so that he could thread his fingers through Bel's tousled locks. "I'm really sorry, but there was nothing I could do…"

 _Who took him?_ Bel's heart started racing as he recalled what Fran had told him earlier, about Mukuro having followed them to Italy and wanting to start trouble. He was scared; what if Fran had been given to Mukuro, and no one knew what they had done? _Was it a pineapple man?_

Dino frowned. "Pineapple man? What are you talking about, Bel? I don't know who has him; I'm sorry."

 _A pineapple man hurts Froggy._ By now, Bel's typing became erratic. He misspelt words as his fingers rushed to tell Dino what was happening, but he didn't care; he knew he was breaking the promise he had made to Fran to never tell anyone, but he didn't have a choice; if he kept silent over the abuse, Fran might have to live with Mukuro. _I told Froggy I wouldn't tell anyone, so I didn't. But Froggy told me today that the pineapple man followed him, and said he was going to make something bad happen._

"Why didn't you say anything sooner, Bel?!" Dino jumped to his feet as he fumbled for his phone within his pants pocket. "You should have told me as soon as Fran told you what was happening! Never mind now; I'll try and fix it, but next time, tell me sooner!"

Bel flinched. He wasn't used to Dino getting mad at him, and he felt uncomfortable. He hid back beneath his blankets so that he didn't have to see his guardian; he was stressed, and he didn't need Dino to make him feel worse when he had only ever tried to do the right thing.

It was times like these Bel wondered why he even bothered…

 _ **~~XX~~**_

"Bel! Dinnertime!"

Bel looked over his shoulder as he heard Dino called for him. He wondered what had happened when Dino had made that call regarding Fran earlier, but he hadn't questioned it; he was almost too afraid to ask. He gave a sigh as he looked back at the computer he shared with his guardian; he was talking to Gokudera on Facebook while the younger male got ready for his classes, and he didn't want to leave.

"Bel! Come on! Computer time's over!" Dino was in a bad mood, and as hard as he tried, he couldn't keep his agitation from his voice. "Bel!"

Bel ignored the older male again. He typed away at the keyboard so that he didn't have to focus on the footsteps that were coming closer to him. _Dino says it's dinnertime, but I'm not hungry. He's in a bad mood._

Bel watched as Gokudera's chat box showed the silver-haired male was typing back, but before he could see the younger's reply, the screen went black as the power went off. He flinched as he looked over his shoulder, tense as he found his guardian standing behind him with his finger on the power button to the computer. He swallowed thickly, knowing he was in trouble now.

"Bel, you've had enough time on the computer!" Dino reached out and grabbed Bel's shoulder. He tried to tug the younger from the computer chair, but Bel only gave a loud cry of fright and tried to pull away. "Bel! Get up!"

Bel got up from the chair, but not because Dino wanted him to; he instead fled from the living room and into his bedroom. He slammed his door shut behind him and made sure it was locked before he curled up on his bed beneath his blankets, shaking; Dino knew being grabbed like that was frightening for him, but the older blond had done it anyway.

"Bel…"

The smaller blond flinched when he heard his doorknob turn.

"Bel, I'm sorry… Come out and eat; it's time for dinner… Bel…" Dino sighed. "…I'm sorry…"

Bel stayed under his blankets, just wanting to be alone.


	18. Chapter 18

Months had passed, and Bel was finding himself hating Italy more and more. He wanted to go back to Japan, but he didn't know how to tell Dino that; the stronger blond was very busy in between his work and trying to help Squalo and didn't have much time for Bel these days. It hurt, but the younger knew there wasn't much he could do about it.

But today, unknown to Bel, a chain of events would begin that would change his life forever, more than it already had been.

 _Senpai, will you be mad at me if I told you something?_

Bel frowned as the Facebook message notification popped up on the screen of his phone. He diverted all attention from the game he was playing and instead minimised it so that he could log into his Facebook instead. He typed back hesitantly, not sure he wanted to hear the answer; he had a bad feeling that what his friend was going to tell him would break his heart. _I won't be mad with Froggy. What happened?_

The reply came back quickly, and Bel almost vomited in despair as he read it. _I walked out in front of a car on my way home from school. I wanted to die, but instead I just got out of the hospital._

The blond didn't know how he was supposed to reply. He got up from the computer and paced around for a few minutes before he sat back in his seat and pulled the keyboard closer to him. _Is Froggy okay?_

Fran sent back two words to this question, and it was then Bel understood; Fran _might_ be okay physically – but if he were hit by a car, Bel had his doubts about this – but emotionally and mentally, he was a wreck. _I'm sorry._

Bel paced again. He dived onto the mouse and keyboard when he heard a notification from his game, and he clicked the window back up to see that Yamamoto had logged in and was talking to him. He didn't know what else to do; responding to his friend's private message, he said, _Froggy tried to kill himself and I don't know what to do_.

Yamamoto was understanding as always. He reached out to Bel, allowed the older male to tell him what was happening and offering kind words and reassurance in return. He helped put things into perspective for Bel, and with a bit of comfort, helped the blond find a way to help their young friend.

Bel tabbed back to his Facebook page and messaged Fran again. He felt as if he were about to cry, but he had to be there for Fran – he _had_ to. _Takeshi said to take you out for lunch so we can talk about it somewhere quiet. Wanna come to the corner shop down my street?_

 _Okay._

Bel didn't respond back; he clicked his game back onto the screen so that he could wait for Fran to text him and tell him he was at the shop. He messaged Yamamoto again. _Froggy's going to come to the corner shop. I'm gonna wait here until he texts me._

 _That's good, Bel! :) How are you today?_

 _I'm okay, Takeshi. Dino went to see Squalo but he said I have to stay home because Xanxus will be there, and he didn't want anything to happen to me. Can you help me level my new character?_

 _Sure! :) I'll be right there, Bel! :D_

Bel sent back a smiley face to his friend. He was glad Yamamoto's character was already close by, and so it didn't take long for him to begin levelling again at a faster pace with Yamamoto there to help him. Within half an hour, Fran had texted him saying he was at the corner shop, and so with a quick farewell to the Japanese male, he left to go and comfort Fran.

 _ **~~XX~~**_

"Senpai…"

Bel tensed as small arms wrapped around his middle, but he didn't pull away; he instead reached out to put his hand on Fran's shoulder in a comforting gesture. His gaze wandered over his friend's body, and he felt devastated to see the bruising and stitches on the younger's body that had no doubt come from being hit by a car. He got down on his knees so that he could hug Fran tightly and hold a teal-head against his chest. He nuzzled his cheek against the top of his friend's head, wishing he could do something to help the other's pain.

"Senpai, I… He won't leave me alone…" Fran sniffed back tears. "I just… He keeps… He keeps… My foster family thinks he's… m-my tutor… I'm too scared to tell them…"

Bel stood up straight and reached out to take Fran's hand. He tugged the teen over to the registers and pointed to the bain marie in silent question of what the younger wanted. He was patient as Fran made his mind up, and once he knew what to buy, he typed a list out on his phone and showed the owner of the store. He paid for it and waited for the food to be passed to him before he took Fran to the outdoor seating where they could talk in private.

Fran was silent for several moments before he whispered, "Why is he so good at making people believe he's harmless…? My foster parents… don't even realise… They think he's…"

 _Will your foster family listen to you if you tell them?_

"I don't know…" Fran rubbed at his eyes. "I just… I don't know… What if they don't believe me…?"

 _Froggy is in danger. He should tell them. If they don't listen, I'll make sure Froggy can come back and live with me again._

"Senpai…" Fran tried to think about how to reply, but before he could, Bel's phone started ringing. He accepted the device when it was handed to him, and he answered it when he saw it was Dino calling. "Stupid horse…"

" _Fran, where's Bel?"_ Dino sounded stressed, and Fran knew that something must have happened if the blond was ringing Bel instead of texting him.

"We're at the corner shop. What's –"

"-Don't let Bel go home, Fran! Keep him at the shop until I get there! Xanxus… I'm leaving the hospital; Xanxus tried to kill Squalo, and he got away before the cops found him. Don't let Bel leave; I'm coming to get him now!"

Fran blinked. He ended the call and passed the phone back to Bel before he said, "The horse says he's coming to get you and you're not allowed to go home until he's here."

Bel was a little disconcerted by these words; while he rarely left the house by himself, whenever he did, he was allowed to go where he wanted without something like this happening. _Why?_

"…He just said so, senpai…"

Bel sighed. Hopefully Dino would tell him what was going on…

 _ **~~XX~~**_

"Bel! Thank god!" Dino was eager to get to Bel's side, so once he had pulled up alongside the kerb of the corner shop in front of Bel and Fran, he simply threw the gear into neutral without pulling the handbrake up or turning the car off and then exited the car in a hurry. As soon as he was by Bel's side, he reached out and pulled his charge into a tight hug. "I was so worried…"

Bel pulled away from the man so that he could question what was going on. _What's happening?_

Dino put his hands on Bel's shoulders. "Bel, I don't want to scare you, but… Bel, Xanxus tried to kill Squalo, but he got away from the police. They're out there looking for him, but they haven't found him yet, and I was scared he was going to find you. I don't want you going anywhere by yourself now."

The younger blond could feel the fear welling up inside of him at the mention of Xanxus, and he wanted to go home where he could lock all of the doors and hide; he didn't want Xanxus to find him and hurt him again – he just wanted to stay in his room forever.

"Bel, when Squalo gets out of the hospital, he's coming to live with us. He's finally going to get away from Xanxus, but he's been through a lot and is very stressed. He isn't the same Squalo who gave you a home when you were little."

Bel could feel his eyes fill with tears; why hadn't anyone gotten Squalo away from it all sooner like how _he_ had been rescued…?

It was then Bel knew that he wasn't the only one upset; while Dino was someone who never cried, here the man was, unable to hold back his own despair at the knowledge that he would never have his best friend back. Bel didn't usually seek the man's comfort, but he was already stressed, and seeing his guardian cry heavily was enough for him to press himself against the stronger blond's chest and seek out arms he had mostly shied away from to hold him.

"I'm sorry, Bel…" Dino knew he was stressing the other, but he couldn't stop crying; knowing what Squalo was going through was just too much for him to handle. "I'm sorry…"

Fran, who didn't have the emotional attachment the two blonds had with Squalo because he had never met the long-haired man, sat awkwardly at the table, not knowing what he was supposed to say or do. He shifted uncomfortably. "…"

Dino rubbed at his eyes as he looked at Fran, ashamed of letting the younger two see him like this; they needed someone strong in their lives, and they didn't have anyone but him to fulfil that role. "I'm sorry, Fran; I don't usually cry…"

Fran shook his head. "…"

"I'm going to take Bel home and make sure he's safe, Fran… Do you want a lift home…?"

"Okay…"

Dino helped Bel to his feet and into the car. He waited until Fran was seated in the backseat before he turned the car around and drove the way he had come. He tried his hardest to be strong again for the younger two, but he wasn't finding it very easy – not after having tried so hard to protect his best friend, only to watch as Squalo's hand was cut off and then a gun was pressed between the silver-haired male's eyes. Today would forever haunt him, and he briefly wondered if how he was feeling right now was how Bel and Squalo felt on a daily basis.

If it was, he couldn't understand how they had been able to handle it for so long.


	19. Chapter 19

Bel was stressed. He paced back and forth through the house as he waited impatiently for Dino to come back home. He had been up all night crying as the idea of Xanxus finding him again terrified him, and as hard as he had tried, he hadn't been able to sleep throughout the day, either. Dino had told him it was the day Squalo got out of the hospital, and today would be the first time he would see his old guardian in what felt like an eternity. He was anxious, hoping the silver-haired man would still be the same Squalo he remembered – but he doubted it, as Dino had finally come clean to him the night before and told him about the other's deep depression and how Bel wasn't the only one who had suffered severe psychological scars from Xanxus' hands.

The blond couldn't fault Squalo for however he may be now; he had only lived with them for a few months and look at how Bel had turned out from it, mute, depressed and suicidal – but Squalo had been there for so many years, and Bel knew he would have killed himself already without a doubt if he were in his old guardian's shoes.

Bel knew he needed to stop pacing and try not to think about his worries; Gokudera had worked hard with him to help him find ways to calm down, and he didn't want to have wasted his boyfriend's efforts after all their years together. He turned around so that he could go back down the hallway and into the room Dino had given Squalo, remembering how Gokudera had taught him to occupy himself when he couldn't stop the anxiety any other way. He ventured into the room so that he could look around, recognising much of the man's belongings to still be the same as when he had lived with them as a child. He knew Dino had gone and emptied out Squalo's old home and brought everything to his own, but the smaller blond had never been in this room before; it felt too… _personal,_ as if he were causing distress to someone he never wished to hurt in his life. This room gave him anxiety, and he wondered if it would be any different if he were to enter it with Squalo by his side.

The young man was about to leave the room, not sure he could cope in here any longer, but he froze as he caught sight of a desk pressed against the wall beneath the window. He wasn't aware of his legs carrying him towards it; all he knew was that he was drawn by a familiar book he could see sitting neatly with other novels. He reached out when he was close enough and pulled the book away from the rest so that he could wipe away imaginary dust from the cover and stare at the colourful background. He remembered this book, the very first book Squalo had read to him. Back then, Bel hadn't learnt Italian, so his guardian had read it to him in his native tongue as the blond's chubby fingers ghosted over the pages as he admired the pictures. It had been his favourite book, and it had become ritual for Squalo to read it to Bel every night before bed in order to soothe the blond into sleep.

Bel felt tears roll down his cheeks as he opened the book to the first page. It was in Italian, but in his mind, he could hear Squalo's voice echo in Russian as he read it to the blond. He opened his mouth and licked at his lips, trying so hard to read the book out loud to himself in a language he hadn't used since he was eight, but all he could manage was a few squeaks and soft noises as his anxiety grew. He sniffed as he closed the book and hugged it tight to his chest, and though he was sure he had only been there for a minute or so, his attention was soon grabbed by the sound of Dino's BMW pulling into the garage. He hurried out of Squalo's room with his book still in his arms, eager to see the man who had only tried to give him a home when he had none; he didn't blame Squalo for what Xanxus had done, because no one else had bothered to take him off the streets, and he shuddered to think where he would have ended up if it weren't for the silver-haired male's kindness.

Bel stopped in the entrance hallway as he heard Dino's house key unlocking the door. He hugged his book tighter as he looked to his feet, waiting for the two older males to enter. He didn't lift his head when he heard Dino talking to him; he wasn't sure if he was ready to look up just yet.

"Squalo's here, Bel. You can give him a hug if you want."

It was when a voice he hadn't heard in a long time finally reached his ears did Bel look up. "What have you got, brat…?"

Slowly, Bel lifted his head. He felt sick at the quiet voice thick with anxiety that had sounded throughout the entrance hall, and when his obscured eyes finally focused on the man he hadn't seen since his ninth birthday, he let tears slide down his cheeks. He stepped closer to Squalo, looking anywhere but at the man's face that was so bruised, swollen, and covered in stitches, he looked like something out of a horror movie. With shaking hands, he passed the book over to Squalo.

"That's the book I read to you…" Squalo raised both arms in order to accept the book, but he made an agitated noise as only one hand made contact with the hard cover and his bandaged stump brushed uselessly against it. He couldn't keep himself from grinding his teeth as he cried, and he didn't know whether it was from the fact that he no longer had his left hand or that seeing Bel again was too much; all he knew was that while he had done well to keep his emotions locked away inside Dino's car, here and now… All he could do was let out the tears he had only ever kept inside out of fear of Xanxus.

Bel frowned. He gingerly put his book on the decorative stand next to them before he reached out and put his hands on Squalo's shoulders. He made a soft sound, trying his hardest to speak, but as always, his anxiety only spiked and left him as wordless as always. He didn't let that deter him; he moved so that he was resting against Squalo's body and had his head tucked under the older male's chin. He felt warm arms embrace him, and though he was only used to hugging Gokudera, he returned the hold.

Dino said nothing as he closed the front door behind them and locked it again for their younger two's sake. He stood by in case they needed him, but when it became clear that all they wanted in this moment was each other, he left without a word to go into the kitchen and prepare them snacks and drinks so that they could sit together in the living room for as long as they needed.

The older blond didn't know what he could do to help; Bel had been hard enough to care for after his trauma, and he had only been able to get better because he had slowly made friends and entered a gentle, loving and understanding relationship – but Squalo had been in a very abusive relationship for eighteen years, and the damage was done; there would be no rehabilitating him, salvaging him the way they had been able to do so for Bel.

The truth was, Dino had no idea what he was supposed to do for his best friend after getting him out of that house, because everything he could of, he knew would only break Squalo further.

Dino felt a few tears of his own slide down his cheeks, but he brushed them away; he had to be strong because Bel and Squalo were counting on him to help them.


	20. Chapter 20

Bel was glad that Squalo was living with them now; it meant that he was no longer alone whenever Dino left for work. He didn't mind how quiet Squalo had become; he was happy to just curl up on the couch next to the older male and soak in the other's warmth. The long-haired man was depressed, though, and because of that, he couldn't often find the strength to play with Bel whenever the blond was in a playful mood.

Bel didn't mind; like now, as much as he wanted to play with Squalo in the snow outside their home, he was content sitting on the floor with the man as he ever-so-gently got used to putting his guardian's new prosthetic hand onto the other's useless stump. He was glad the man trusted him to play with his prosthetic; he could only imagine how frightening it must be to have one's hand hacked off of their body with a blunt meat cleaver.

Squalo took a sharp breath as he bit his lip. He spoke quietly, nothing like the loud, assertive tone Bel had known him for as a child. "Careful, Bel, it hurts when you don't do it right…"

The blond gave a soft noise as he patted Squalo's wrist in apology. He tried again, this time more successful in his attempt and eventually fitting the prosthetic hand on correctly. He gave a proud smile as he sat back on his haunches with his hands on his thighs, waiting for the other's praise; nothing made him feel better about himself than getting a head pat and a 'good job, Bel'.

The long-haired man winced as he looked at his fake hand. He shuddered as he reached for the black glove he had sitting beside him so that he could pass it to Bel and pretend that, once it was hiding the hideous fake, his hand had never been cut off by his ex. He frowned for a few seconds more before he looked at Bel and gave the younger a small smile. "Thanks, brat; you're getting better at it."

Bel leant forward so that he could wrap his arms around the stronger male. He pulled away so that he could grab his notepad and pen from the coffee table they were sitting in front of and wrote in handwriting messy from excitement. _Will Squ play in the snow with me now?_

Squalo's pupils dilated from fear as he shook his head. His hands fumbled as he looked towards the curtains he had closed as soon as he had entered the living room that morning. "M-maybe it's a better idea for us to stay inside, brat… Just in case…"

 _But I always played in the snow with Hayato at our apartment and nothing bad happened. And Dino plays with me, too, sometimes. It's okay, Squ._

"I don't want to go outside, Bel…"

Bel poked his tongue out between his lips as he slowed his handwriting down to give him more time to think. _Is Squ scared of going outside because Xanxus never let him?_

Squalo hugged himself as he nodded. He knew he shouldn't have tried to treat Bel as if he wouldn't understand because Bel could understand him more than either of them would ever want to admit. "He… I wasn't allowed outside because… he knew I would have ran away…"

 _Squ can come outside with me,_ Bel wrote. _No one will hurt Squ._

The older man shuddered. "N-not now, Bel… Maybe another time… You can… go play outside if you want…. Stay where I can see you, though…"

Bel knew not to push; he remembered how scared he himself would get whenever his friends would get too forceful with him. He gave Squalo another hug before he wrote, _I'm gonna go get Mink. I won't go past the footpath, Squ._

Squalo gave a smaller smile. "Be careful, brat…"

The blond kissed Squalo's cheek before he got up to find his pet. He hugged Mink tight as he hurried out of the house and into the snow, excited to be able to play in it again; he had come to love snow after spending so much time in with Gokudera and their friends. He dropped Mink to the ground so that the animal could jump around in it as Bel started working on a snow man. From the corner of his eye, he saw the living room curtains opening and Squalo taking a seat back on the couch so that he could keep an eye on the blond.

Bel was happy, and he couldn't help but giggle to himself as he chased after Mink in the snow. His smile widened when he saw Dino's BMW coming down the road, and he picked Mink up so that the animal wouldn't run in front of the car. He was excited for his guardian to be back home, and once the BMW was parked safely in the driveway, he helped the older blond bring in the groceries. However, his happy mood slipped when he and Dino went back inside and found a panic-stricken Squalo standing in the entrance hallway, looking as if he were about to cry.

Dino chewed his lip as he stepped forward to put his hand on his friend's shoulder. "Squalo, what's wrong?"

Squalo felt sick; as soon as he had seen a car trailing behind Dino's, he knew there was trouble; what if… Xanxus had found them again…? "That car… Did it follow you…?"

"Why do you ask?" Dino put the bag he was holding down onto the ground. He extended one arm ever-so-slowly, understanding when his friend flinched violently and stumbled backwards. "Squalo? I'm not going to hurt you; you know this."

Squalo shook his head. He steadied himself before he spoke again. "…That car…"

"I don't know if it followed me because I'm not sure when it got behind me." The taller blond leant down, his hands on his knees as he used a gentle tone with his damaged friend. "I'm sure it's nothing, Squalo; it wasn't _his_ car, was it?"

"No… But it slowed down when it passed; I saw its brake lights…"

"The roads are icy from the snow, and it was probably still slowing down instead of moving across to go around me as I pulled in. It's alright, Squalo; I promise."

Squalo frowned deeply. He didn't know how to convey his stress; he instead looked over to the smaller blond who had been standing so quietly behind the other with his pet mink in his arms as he swung his own shopping bag slightly. He noticed that Bel's usual smile was gone, the youngest of the three most likely upset by the negativity he could sense; his young companion had always been hypersensitive to others' moods. "Brat, come lay down with me…"

Bel nodded. He dropped his own bag to the ground before he held his pet tighter and followed behind Squalo as the long-haired man led him to the bedroom. He was silent as he stepped into the room and walked in further in as Squalo closed the door behind them. He dropped his mink to the mattress before he climbed on, making himself comfortable as he waited for the other to join him.

Squalo didn't hesitate to lie down next to the blond. He soon wrapped his arms around the younger when his companion rested against him, glad that, despite everything, Bel was still so sweet. He glanced up at the window to make sure it was locked tight, and it was then he realised; had he locked it or not…? He wanted to get up and double-check it as well as pull the blinds down so no one could see in, but the smaller male was just about asleep, and Squalo didn't want to disturb him; he wasn't the only one in this household who struggled with insomnia.

Unable to tear his eyes away from the window, Squalo found himself far from sleep as his mind played tricks on him, his anxiety spiking as the terror he had felt around Xanxus tore him apart. He couldn't help but bury his face in against soft golden locks, allowing himself to cry as quietly as he could for his level of distress. The younger shifted in his arms a few times but otherwise remained asleep, and the silver-haired male couldn't help but wish his companion _had_ woken; he needed someone to talk to, even if the smaller male wouldn't talk back to him.

Had getting away from Xanxus been worth the constant terror he now lived with, waiting for the moment his ex found him and did worse than he had ever done before? Part of Squalo wished he had been shot, his life ended, instead of others coming in to save him; death would be much better than this.


	21. Chapter 21

Days after Squalo had seen that car behind Dino's, he had become so paranoid, he was physically sick from anxiety. He wouldn't leave the house, and no matter how much Dino had tried to reassure him that it was okay, he constantly checked to make sure all the doors and windows were locked and couldn't stand to have the curtains parted for anyone to see inside. Squalo was shattered, and Dino was afraid that there was nothing left of his best friend.

The older blond had taken care to let Squalo have alone time, not wanting to stress the younger out further with his presence, so he had gone to tell Bel that he would be leaving soon and give him some jobs for the day. He smiled as he found the youngest curled up in his bed with a movie playing on his TV; Bel never had liked the cold and preferred to stay where it was warm.

"I've got a work meeting today, Bel." Dino stood by the bedroom door, not walking in too far so that he wasn't intruding on Bel's privacy. "Can you look after Squalo for me, please? He doesn't feel very well, so he's resting on the couch."

Bel smiled. He sat up on his bed so that he could nod; he would never say no to looking after Squalo.

Dino smiled back, glad that the other was just so sweet when he was in a good mood. "I'll be leaving in ten minutes, so will you be a good boy and run down to the corner shop sometime today and bring him back lunch? Good boy; thank you, Bel." It was then Dino noticed the cold chill in the bedroom. He frowned as he found the younger's bedroom window was wide open; didn't Bel care that he was going to get sick? "Why's your window open? It's snowing; you'll get sick from the cold. Is Mink still outside?"

Bel nodded.

"Then close it when he comes back in, please; the heating is going to waste with it open."

Bel got off his bed so that he could follow Dino from the room. He trailed behind his guardian around the house until the other was ready to leave, and after waving goodbye to Dino, he gave Squalo a hug before he went back to his room to finish watching his movie.

However, the last thing he had expected to find upon walking into his room was Mink, laying in the middle of the floor, twitching in agony as his body was twisted in an unnatural position. It didn't take a genius to realise that someone had done that to Mink, and for the first time in years, Bel _screamed_.

 _ **~~XX~~**_

The rest of the day had been nothing but a blur for Bel as police came and went from his home and Dino came back to take Mink to the vet. He had been terrified, not understanding how someone could do that to his pet; who would want to hurt his best friend…?

The stress of the day's events had kept him awake for most of the night, and all he could do was lay in his bed and hold Mink close to him. Mink, too, was distressed, and couldn't stop trembling in the blond's arms as he relied on his owner to care for him after suffering so many broken bones.

As tired as Bel was, he just couldn't sleep, and the movies he had been playing all night were simply background noise to him as he focused on keeping his pet calm. He knew Dino would be fast asleep by now, but he doubted Squalo would be, too; the long-haired man tended to stay awake reading until he fell asleep with his book on his chest.

Bel swung his legs out over the edge of the bed as he went to Squalo's bedroom. He held Mink protectively as he did so, not wanting to leave the animal alone for a second in case something else happened and he wasn't there to stop it. He knocked on the silver-haired male's bedroom door before he slowly pushed it open, finding his old guardian propped up by his pillows in bed with only a lamp by his side to give him light to read.

Squalo looked up from his book and offered a small smile to the younger. He didn't say a word as he closed his book and put it on his bedside table; he knew the blond wanted his help in getting to sleep. He put his hand on Bel's shoulder as he guided the smaller male back into the blond's bedroom, as gentle with him as always as he pulled back the blankets and wordlessly encouraged Bel to lay back down. He tucked Bel and Mink in beneath the comforter and sat on the edge of the bed as he rubbed the younger's head. "It's okay, Bel… Get some sleep; you're safe… You're safe, Bel…"

Bel was tired, but despite how stressed he was, he fell asleep within minutes of Squalo's comforting presence. He didn't wake when the man leant down to kiss his forehead, and he took no notice of his door closing as Squalo went back to his own room.

In fact, Bel even slept through his window being forced open from the outside, only shifting slightly but not waking. He nuzzled unconsciously against warm fingers that brushed against his cheek, but what he _did_ wake to, however, was Mink being ripped from his arms and thrown across the room seconds before someone grabbed his hair and ripped it off the pillow. From the corner of his eye, he saw someone walking towards his bedroom door and locking it, but he was distracted from that when he was slapped across the face so hard, his head spun to the side. He could feel blood pooling in his mouth already, and he could only spit it out onto his mattress and whimper as he tried to get away from his assaulter. He wanted to scream for help when he heard someone on the other side of his bedroom door trying to get in to help in, but all he could manage was to cry as he knew he wasn't going to get away.

Whoever had locked his bedroom door came over to the bed now. The first assaulter and forced Bel down onto his back and was holding him there with the weight of their own body, and the second person reached out to cup the blond's face in a hold that Bel knew was deceivingly gentle. He tried to tilt his head to the side when the other's face came ever closer to his, but it was useless, he was forced into the kind of intimate kisses he had only ever shared with Gokudera before.

When an unfamiliar voice filled the air, Bel felt terror strike through him; that was the voice of the devil himself. "It is okay, Belphegor; no matter how much or how little you struggle, the results will still be the same." With that, Bel's lips were abused once more, this time with bruising force as a hot tongue forced its way into his mouth through closed lips.

Bel's tears came harder as he heard someone trying to break his door down. He hoped they succeeded and were about to rescue him, but all hope of that vanished when his mouth was taped shut so that he couldn't make any noise, and he was next thrown over someone's shoulder. He knew he was being kidnapped, and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

The blond closed his eyes as he cried, and he didn't open them again until he found himself being thrown into the backseat of a car. He didn't dare look at his attacker until the car started moving, but when he did, he instantly regretted it; in the back of his throat, the biggest scream he had ever made became stuck as he recognised Xanxus holding him down out of view of any passing motorists.

If Bel had ever wanted to die before, he certainly did right now.

 _ **~~XX~~**_

Bel couldn't stop crying, even after being taken from the car and brought inside a house he had thought he would _never_ go back to. He couldn't bring it in himself to try and get away anymore; he remembered what had happened the last time he had tried to escape Xanxus, after all.

The blond cried to himself as he was dragged through the house and towards the basement, and though he knew he should have expected it, he wasn't prepared for being thrown down the long stairway. He whimpered as a splitting headache came on suddenly, and he was sure his hip had dislocated, but he couldn't let Xanxus find out he was hurt already; the man would only make him suffer more if he knew.

Bel fought back vomit as he felt someone grab his hair and drag him to a corner of the basement. He squeezed his eyes shut tight so he didn't have to watch, and he shuddered as he felt himself being chained up.

Xanxus knelt down so that he could grab hold of Bel's hair again. "You little slut, you're going to be what breaks the shark trash the most. Nothing will get to him more than knowing I've got _you_. You fucking whore; I'm going to fuck you so hard, you'll never be able to stand again."

Beneath the tape that was still silencing him, Bel screamed as he felt hands ripping his pyjamas from his body. He cried desperately, hoping it was all a bad nightmare he was about to wake up from, but he knew that this was reality, and that this wasn't going to be the same as all those years ago; Squalo wasn't going to come home and find them, and this time, there was no one there to stop Xanxus.

As Bel felt his backside being torn apart from Xanxus' aggressive thrusts, he couldn't help but wish he had never left Japan. Maybe he had never had sex with Gokudera, but the silver-haired male's fingers that Bel had ever-so-slowly learnt to allow to finger him had _never_ caused him this much fear and agony.

Bel hated himself for choosing to come back to Italy, back to _this,_ and he knew that if he ever got out of here, he was going to kill himself and never let anyone stop him this time.


	22. Chapter 22

Bel didn't know how much time had passed before the basement door opened and footsteps started coming down the stairs; there were no windows down here, so he had no idea whether it had been minutes, hours or even days since he had been taken away from his home. He was frightened, and the fact that he lay curled up in the corner trembling gave it away.

It was the man – who, now that there was light to make out the other's features – with long, blue hair who leant down and grabbed Bel's face, smearing his fingers into the blood and semen that clung stubbornly to the blond's flesh. The man looked into scared purple eyes before he sneered, drinking in the sight of Bel's hair that was more tousled than usual and sticking to his forehead and scalp from blood and gunk. There were bags beneath the smaller male's eyes, testimony to the fact that the scared male hadn't slept at all ever since his kidnapping.

"You are pretty cute." The man cupped Bel's face with his hands before he leant forward to rest their foreheads together. There was malice in his voice, disguised behind polite, kind words, but the blond knew better; he knew that whoever this man was, he had no intention of being gentle. "Not as cute as my Fran, though; hopefully we will be able to get him today, and then you might have some company."

Bel's eyes widened at these words as it all made sense now; this was the man who had haunted Fran, who had hurt him and gotten him taken away from Dino. This man was the pineapple man, and he had gone out of his way to not only cause suffering for Fran, but for the person closest to Fran, too.

This man standing before Bel was Mukuro, and though the blond had promised to protect his little friend against him, it was useless; there was nothing Bel could do except lay here and cry.

Mukuro hadn't missed the way Bel's eyes widened. A sneer slowly crossed his face as he grabbed a handful of blond locks and pulled hard enough to earn a whimper from his victim. "Do you happen to know my Fran?"

Bel knew he shouldn't admit anything, but for reasons even he didn't understand, he nodded and looked to the side. He regretted it instantly as joy flashed through those heterochromatic eyes the damaged man was already starting to hate; what kind of sadistic plot did Mukuro have in mind?

"You don't talk much, do you?" The long-haired man wrapped his hand around Bel's throat and squeezed in a silent warning that he wasn't playing around. In a mock curious tone, he said, "I wonder why that is."

"It's because I had my hands on him when he was a kid."

While Bel became more panicked at Xanxus' voice, Mukuro instead gave a chuckle. "Kufufu~ What did you even do to him? He's broken. No wonder he's useless and unloved."

Those words cut through Bel like a knife, but he couldn't think on them for too long because already, Xanxus was running at him. Before he could even prepare himself, the man kicked his prisoner against the side of his face. The blond was knocked backwards at the force, and his trembling became more violent as he cried harder; he wanted to go back home, but he knew he wouldn't be allowed to; he remembered what Xanxus was like, and the other wouldn't be happy until he had completely shattered what was left of his victim's sanity like he had to Squalo.

"I believe he knows my Fran, Xanxus." Mukuro looked up at Xanxus and smiled. "I would like to bring Fran back to see him so that he knows I love him; I would never do to him what I will to Belphegor."

Xanxus sneered as he nodded. "That would be quite amusing; I'll have my fun with the blond trash."

"Fran is down with his foster family; I will lead you to him." The blue-haired male got up and moved to the doorway. He sent a deceivingly-kind smile to Belphegor, taunting the older male just that little bit more. "Have fun."

Xanxus' sneer widened before he followed the younger out of the room, leaving Belphegor to drag himself with one arm back into the corner so he could curl up in a foetal position and rock back and forth; he wanted to go back to Dino and Squalo, but he didn't think that would happen; Xanxus wasn't the kind of person to let go of his toys; not until he was dumping their cold, rigid bodies into a ditch.

 _ **~~XX~~**_

Once again, an undeterminable amount of time had passed before Bel's company returned. He could hear Mukuro talking to someone, and though he peered up the stairs to see who the other was talking to, it wasn't until his visitors had made it to the bottom of the staircase did he really make anything out. To his heartbreak, he realised that Mukuro hadn't been lying, and Fran was indeed standing just metres away from him.

"Bel-senpai...?"

Fran's distraught voice broke Bel's heart, but he couldn't do anything about it; he could barely even move. He groaned quietly in pain as he heard the younger male running to his side, but even when he felt hands on his shaking shoulders, all he could do was lay there and try to register what was happening; his head was swimming from nausea, and nothing was really making sense to him anymore.

"Bel-senpai, are you okay…?"

Bel licked his lips at the question. His mouth opened and closed wordlessly as he finally tried to move closer to the younger; he needed his friend's presence, too afraid to be without it. "..."

"He does not talk much, does he?" Mukuro laughed in a mocking manner as he knelt down as well so that he could run his finger along Belphegor's lips. "Can he talk at all?"

"It's not that he _can't_ talk; it's that he _won't_ talk."

Bel closed his eyes as he listened to Fran trying to defend him against Mukuro. This wasn't right; it should be _Bel_ protecting _Fran…!_ Not… Not like _this…!_

"He won't talk because of creeps like yourself. I hate what you've done to him – what you've done to _me_. What did we ever do to people like _you_?"

Mukuro laughed again. He watched the boy brush a soothing hand against Belphegor's cheek before he said in a taunting manner, "You talk so big for a child; no wonder no one but myself has ever wanted you. You are cute, but when you open your mouth, you ruin yourself. You are the reason you are unloved; you make everyone hate you because you are such a cheeky little brat. I bet even Belphegor cannot stand you, but obviously he is too retarded to tell you so."

That accusation bothered Bel, but he was too weak to be able to really think much about it; he could feel his consciousness dipping in and out, and it made it hard for him to focus much on what was happening. He pulled his knees to his stomach before he nuzzled his cheek against Fran's hand, as if he were trying to tell the younger what Mukuro was saying wasn't true.

"I know my senpai," Fran argued. "He gets very annoyed easily, but he doesn't hate me; if he hated me, he wouldn't message me constantly on Facebook, even if I don't reply to him. He wouldn't tolerate me making fun of him all the time, and he wouldn't constantly drag me back to his home so he has someone to play with."

Mukuro sneered at this, not liking to hear that someone else was fond of _his_ Fran; the boy was _his,_ and he wouldn't share him with _anyone_.

Bel squirmed and whimpered as someone grabbed his nose and squeezed hard, cutting off his air. "You think you can take _my_ little one from me, Belphegor? I should kill you here and now."

"Don't touch him!" Fran shoved at the long-haired man as he felt himself become overwhelmed by fear; he was terrified of the one who had done so much to him, but he couldn't let Bel get hurt – not when he knew Mukuro would keep to his promise and slit the blond's throat here and now without hesitation. "He's my _friend!_ He's not trying to take _anyone_ away; he's just lonely... Like I am..."

Mukuro offered a soft chuckle as his gentle appearance changed to one of aggression in a split second. He slammed Belphegor's head into the cement ground hard enough for a puddle of blood to pool around golden locks within moments. Fran looked horrified, and the blond's whimpers and cries of fear and pain only made the long-haired man more satisfied with his handiwork.

"Oya, Belphegor, you should not be afraid of _me;_ it is _Xanxus_ who will deal with _you_. You remember what he did to you, don't you? He told me himself; he came to your school and said he had to pick you up and take you to the dentist because Squalo was busy. Instead he took you home and fucked you so much, you had to go to hospital because of the damage he caused. You were all alone with him for hours, and it only stopped because Squalo came home. It was then you stopped talking, wasn't it? He fucked your head as well as your body."

Belphegor's breathing became heavier and tears flowed down his cheeks as he remembered the very same thing that haunted his mind at night. He curled up into a tight ball and shrugged Fran's hands off him as he cried, not wanting to be touched.

"Senpai..." Fran wished he could do something for his friend, but he knew there was nothing he could do – not now, not in this situation. "..."

"Come upstairs with me, little one," Mukuro said in a gentle tone, taking the boy's hand in his. "I want to take you again."

Fran struggled, but he was powerless against the man; as hard as he tried to stay with Belphegor, he was dragged away to a fate he had never wanted in the first place.

Bel didn't know how long it had taken, but soon enough, he lost consciousness as the black dizziness finally overwhelmed him.


	23. Chapter 23

Bel had thought things couldn't get much worse, but he was wrong. He was quickly becoming desensitised to the basement door opening and coming to terms that he wasn't going to get away from Xanxus, so he no longer responded to the sounds of footsteps coming down the creaking stairs. He lay on the cold cement, trembling violently from the cold and the pain that was still aching through him, and he didn't react when he realised that Xanxus was taking photos of his naked, broken body; what was the point in trying to resist? It would only make things worse for him so he might as well just submit and wait for it to be over and done with.

Bel let out a pained groan as his bloodstained hair was grabbed and his head lifted into the air. He could feel his blood and tears rolling down his cheeks and onto the ground below, but it was the phone that was being pressed against his ear that really confused him; what was Xanxus…?

"Tell the shitty shark trash where you are. Tell him how scared you are, scum." Xanxus was as sadistic as ever.

Bel whimpered, terrified in this moment; he just wanted to go back home and never have to get out from beneath his blankets ever again. "…"

Xanxus could hear the dial tone for a few seconds before the call was answered. Listening closely, he heard his ex's quiet voice on the other line.

"Hello…?"

Upon hearing Squalo's voice again, Bel started crying. He couldn't contain his sobs any longer, letting the dam break as he wished desperately that Squalo could come and bring him back home. No matter how much he wanted to beg the man to rescue him, he could only lick his lips in between his cries.

"Tell him, trash," Xanxus hissed. He tugged at the other's hair hard enough to draw a yelp from his victim, eager to know how this would end; would Squalo try and play the hero, or would he abandon Bel when he realised where the younger was?

Bel cried harder at Xanxus' words. He tried his best to focus on Squalo's now-panicked voice; anything but Xanxus – anything but the man who had shattered him to pieces.

"Bel, where are you?!" It was the loudest Squalo had been for years now, having grown so used to speaking in a soft whisper – but in this moment, he was almost shouting as he felt tears of his own well up in his eyes. "Bel! Bel, it's okay; try and talk, okay? You have to tell me where you are so we can come and get you. Bel! Try and talk!"

Bel shook his head to Squalo's words before he started to scream from the pressure of everything that was happening to him. He reached up and pulled at his own hair, blood-tinged strands of golden falling all around him. "…!"

"Bel, I know you don't want to talk anymore, but you have to now; you have to tell me where you are!" Squalo was still trying to get answers, despite knowing in his heart he wasn't going to get any; if there were ever a time Bel _definitely_ wouldn't speak, it would be now. "Is Fran with you, Bel? Bel! Is Fran there?! Say yes or no! You can do it!"

Bel's panic-filled eyes looked over to the corner, terrified to find Fran sitting on the ground with his mouth gagged. He wished he could say that much, but the more he thought about talking, the more he wanted to withdraw into himself; ever since that day, he had been too afraid to speak, terrified of saying something and sending someone in a flurry of rage like he had surely done to provoke Xanxus, even if he still wasn't sure how he had caused it – all he knew was that it was _his_ fault it had happened to him, and he had done _something_ to make it happen, even if he weren't sure of what.

Bel trembled as the phone was pulled away from his ear. He heard the beep that meant the call had been ended; what was going to happen now? He had failed to do as told, so surely he was going to be punished.

Xanxus, however, had different plans; sending the photos he had just taken through to Squalo, he then sent one last text, one that said, _Look familiar, shark trash?_ Referring to the state of the blond's body, the man smirked; he would love to find out whether or not the long-haired man would once again stand up to him in this situation. To his slight disappointment, Squalo didn't contact him.

Xanxus kicked Bel hard in the face before he said, "Look, even the slutty shark trash doesn't love you enough to want to come and get you now that he knows you're with me. He's abandoned you, willing to leave you here for me to do whatever I please to you. He doesn't love you – not one of those scums _ever_ did. They just let you think that because they felt sorry for your tight little ass that got torn to shreds by me. How does it feel to love people who never loved _you?_ "

Bel started crying again at these words, wishing he could die. He looked down at his wrists through blurred vision and took in the scars that marred his pale flesh, remembering how he had done them by his own hand in attempts to kill himself. He hadn't succeeded in anything but earning himself therapy more intense than he already received, and now he was wishing he had _just. Tried. Harder._

Xanxus sneered, knowing exactly what those scars meant. "You pathetic little shit. You should have cut downwards and graced everyone with your death – you fucking burden; the world would be better off without your abhorrent face around. You dumb, retarded piece of dog shit; no one will ever love you and if you don't off yourself soon, you'll be alone for the rest of your miserable life."

Bel could feel the very last thin string of sanity he had left snap at these words. Curling up into a ball, he let out the most heartbroken scream he had ever made, wishing he could just _die_.

Xanxus laughed at this. He nudged the other with his boot before he turned back to Mukuro. "I'm horny."

Mukuro sneered as his eyes crinkled with malice. He reached out, taking the gag from Fran's mouth before he nodded and spun around to head back upstairs. "Well, why did you not say this, Xanxus? I am, too."

Fran watched them leave before he got up from where he had been sitting, tears filling his eyes as he slowly made his way over to Bel. He didn't know what to say, so all he could do was sit by the blond's side and listen to him cry tears of agony.

Somewhere along the way, Fran, too, begun to cry.


	24. Chapter 24

Bel was broken, a former shell of himself. No matter what Xanxus or Mukuro did to him, he was unfeeling, unseeing; he just lay there, unable to even _cry_ anymore – but what gave it away the most was the fact that, here and now, people who knew, trusted and _loved_ were trying to get him out of his chains and he still felt as empty as he had the day before as he went through hell.

 _Dino-san, you're going to hurt him…_

 _Sorry, Tsuna, I'm trying…! Takeshi, help me break this chain from the wall._

 _It's okay, Bel… It's going to be okay; we'll get you out of here._

Despite how hard the others were trying to get Bel to focus on him, the blond just couldn't register them in his mind; all he could really manage was letting their voices whisper though his consciousness like fleeting daydreams.

 _Guys, hurry up; Xanxus could come down here any minute!_

The voices surrounding him meant nothing to Bel. The hands on his body touching him with comforting gestures he could barely acknowledge. The grating of the chains that had kept him locked away for however long made his migraine worse, but he didn't notice people trying to free him from his confines; nothing felt real to him anymore, and he considered the idea that maybe… _nothing_ was real. Maybe it was all an illusion, or he was really a ghost who didn't know he was dead.

 _Bel, please… Look at me…_

In the deepest recesses of Bel's hazy mind, he thought he heard Gokudera's voice – but that couldn't be right; Gokudera was still in Japan, and Bel had made the mistake of leaving the safety of his boyfriend's arms to return to the country that had only ever caused him agony. He was imagining things, or maybe it was another sick game of Xanxus'. Gokudera wasn't here, not in Italy, and _certainly_ not in Xanxus' basement trying to save him.

No one was coming to save Bel; this would be where he died, and no one even cared – he had only _thought_ they did, just like Xanxus had told him.

 _I love you, Bel… I love you…_

Bel remembered those words. Gokudera had said them to him so often, Bel had actually _felt_ loved. He remembered spending hours trying to overcome his anxiety to say those three words back to his boyfriend, but he had never been able to do so. He briefly wondered what it was like to be able to speak in such a carefree way, or how his own declaration of love would have made Gokudera react – but he would never find out, because he was going to die in this cold, dark basement that reeked of his own blood, terror and other men's semen.

The blond could feel soft lips against his own, and he didn't even think about doing so; he just parted his lips, knowing it would be Mukuro kissing him again; the long-haired man had a strange fetish of acting intimately towards him, after all.

 _Damnit, why won't he respond?!_

He had made someone mad again. No surprise there; he always seemed to frustrate or depress the people around him. He didn't know what he could have possibly done this time, but it didn't matter; nothing mattered anymore.

 _Hayato, calm down; they've traumatised him. It's not his fault._

Ah, yes. Trauma. Bel knew trauma like he knew his own hand. He had had his balls cut off, his virginity stolen, and the internal injuries he had received from hours of rape on top of the physical beatings had put him in a coma on his ninth birthday. He knew all about trauma, but why was that important anymore?

Somewhere, in the back of his mind, the voices faded as the sound of the basement door creaking open took over. He listened to the two sets of footsteps that stepped further in to the room, but never before had they stopped at the top of the staircase. He didn't have much time to ponder why, however; a deafening bang resounded through the basement, and before he could so much as blink; he was laying limp on the cold concrete ground as people screamed his name and blood pooled around his head.

Bel wasn't aware of the fight that ensued minutes later; he wasn't aware of anything. But as always, life hated him and refused to give him what he wanted; he had snippets of consciousness, where he could hear the wailing of a siren as his back laid against something warm and comfortable for the first time in – in however long it had been since he had been kidnapped from his home. He was briefly conscious as he was wheeled through a well-lit corridor that was sickeningly white. And several times after that, he would come to and hear a loud beeping by his side and feel someone's hand hold his tight.

But despite his brief awakenings that never lasted for more than a few seconds, he would never see that cold, dark basement again.


	25. Chapter 25

_You shouldn't blame yourself, Dino-san; it's not your fault this happened._

 _I made him feel as if he had no choice but to come back to Italy… He only wanted to stay in Japan with Hayato, but he came back for me…_

Bel's eyes fluttered beneath his bangs. He could hear voices surrounding him, but he figured he must be dreaming; he knew he would wake up and find himself back in the basement of Xanxus' house.

 _Sorry for intruding; I'm going to give Belphegor-san another dose of morphine._

Bel stared blankly ahead, but he didn't register his surroundings; not until there was a prick on his arm and his muscles tensed in response. He felt someone squeeze his hand, and it was then he let his head loll to the side so that he could see who was touching him. He blinked repeatedly when a hand reached out to brush his bangs away from his face, but he didn't react; he just found himself looking at Gokudera in confusion; why was Gokudera here in Xanxus' basement…? Had Xanxus gotten Gokudera, too…?

"You're awake…" Gokudera sounded choked, as if he were fighting back tears. He heard his companions shuffling around in the background, but he didn't look at them; he instead leant down to place a soft kiss against his boyfriend's forehead. "I thought you were never going to wake up…"

Bel didn't move; he simply continued to stare at Gokudera blankly. He couldn't understand what was going on; had Xanxus redecorated as he slept…? The walls were blindingly white, and there was actually a window here now, showing him the black sky outside. He cocked his head to the side; Xanxus sure did redecorate quickly…

Gokudera sat on the edge of the bed. He was gentler than ever as he run his hand through dirty golden locks. He licked his lips anxiously for several seconds before he spoke in a voice so quiet, he may as well have been whispering. "I had a talk with Dino, and we've all decided that it'll be best for you to come back to Japan. As soon as you're feeling better, we're going to go home together."

Bel blinked. His eyes were hazy as he tried to understand what the other was talking about; he couldn't go back to Japan because Xanxus wouldn't let him.

"I don't think he's understanding, Gokudera…"

Bel twitched as a wave of pain went up his spine. He was surprised; why was Yamamoto here, too?

A heartbroken expression crossed Gokudera's face at these words, as if he desperately didn't want to believe what he knew was true. He leant down so that he could bury his face against Bel's chest, wishing he knew what to do. "Bel…"

"Do you want to tell him, Gokudera? He deserves to know…"

Gokudera shook his head. He got off the bed and backed away so that Yamamoto could take his place instead. The taller male was tender as he took Bel's hand in both of his. "Bel… I got good news for you… We got you away from Xanxus… You're safe now…"

Bel blinked; away… from Xanxus…? Well, maybe that was why his new prison didn't look like a basement anymore.

"The bad news is… He shot you in the head… The nurses say you have brain damage, Bel… And they don't know… if you'll… be okay…"

Those words meant nothing to Bel; he was more concerned with trying to work out who was holding his hand and why Gokudera was leaving him with a stranger. He was sure he knew the other male from somewhere, but he couldn't… remember…

Bel pulled his hand away from Takeshi's so that he could instead reach back out to Gokudera. He stared at the silver-haired male until he felt someone touch his shoulder. He growled in agitation, not caring to see who it was; he didn't want to be touched like that; he just wanted his boyfriend to hold his hand.

"Bel, don't you remember Yamamoto?"Gokudera gestured to the taller male. "He's our friend; we all went to school together. When Yamamoto and I started working, you would go to his house to keep his dog company so you weren't alone. Remember?"

Bel couldn't remember anything like that, but he didn't try very hard to, either; halfway through Gokudera's words, his attention had started drifting to the IV cords connected to his arm. He tugged at them, but when his boyfriend tried to pull his hand away, he made a frustrated sound and started to struggle.

Gokudera had never looked as lost as he did now when he turned around to face his friends. He closed his eyes and forced his voice to remain steady, not wanting the others to know just how close to crying he was. He mumbled something about needing fresh air, but Yamamoto and Tsuna weren't stupid; they went with their friend so that the silver-haired male could talk to them about his sadness.

Bel barely noticed the last two figures standing at the back of the room; he had given up on trying to pull the tubes from his arm and instead was picking at his blanket. He didn't even hear them as they left the room without a word; his attention was focused on his blanket and there was no room for anything else.

 _ **~~XX~~**_

Come the next morning, Bel was already awake and staring out of the window when the door to his room opened. He didn't notice it; he was watching the birds on the windowsill.

"Belphegor-san, how are you feeling?"

Again, Bel paid no attention to the nurse who was approaching him; he opened his mouth slightly as one of the birds started chirping.

"Belphegor-san, you have an injured spinal cord and your rectum still hasn't healed properly; it's too soon for you to be sitting up like that." As gentle as the woman was trying to be towards her patient, Bel still threw a fit when she tried to lay him back down on the mattress. He twisted and turned to get away from her hands, but he quickly froze as his eyes widened and a scream tore itself from his throat; sudden pain travelled up his spine, and he couldn't be sure, but he thought there was blood staining the bed beneath him.

"Belphegor-san! Please lay back down before you hurt yourself more!"

Bel was too weak to resist against being forced back down onto his side, and when his hospital gown was lifted past his stomach, he started screaming again; no more – oh _god_ no more!

"Bel!"

Through the terror that was enveloping Bel in its cold embrace, Gokudera's voice broke him from his trance. He cried loudly as he reached out to his boyfriend, and when warm arms wrapped around him and held him close, he slowly started calming down until he felt almost _empty_ inside. A stoic expression crossed his face as he stared at the doorway Gokudera had come from; thank god the younger was here to rescue him.

"Bel, what did you do?" Gokudera hated to see the blood that was soaking through the smaller male's pants. He looked up at the nurse in a slight panic; had something happened in his absence…?

"He must have torn his stitches; I need you to hold him on his side so I can examine him."

While Bel lay quietly on the younger's lap, he started kicking out and making angry sounds as he felt the nurse's hands on his bottom. Gokudera knew the woman wasn't going to make any progress, and all he could suggest was cleaning the blood away for now and waiting until Bel had gone back to sleep before sedating him and fixing the stitches.

"Let me clean him up; I'm his boyfriend and he used to trust me touching him around there." Gokudera was glad the nurse was understanding and didn't judge them as she handed over a cloth; he instead gave comforting words to the blond as he slowly wiped away the blood. Bel didn't try and pull away; he instead had his head tilted to the side so that he could stare at his boyfriend's face.

"Hold clean cloth against him until the bleeding stops, and then make sure he lays down, okay? I'll get you more cloths and then give you privacy."

Gokudera nodded. He did as he was told, and once Bel was ready, laid the blond back down in bed and covered him with the blankets. He lay next to the older male as he slowly brushed golden bangs from the other's face. "I spoke to Dino and Squalo, and they've agreed that it's best to bring you back to Japan. We'll go back to our apartment again and Yamamoto will make us lots of sushi. Would you like that, sweetheart?"

Bel snuggled in against the silver-haired male. He made a soft sound as his eyes closed and he felt sleep starting to take over him. Gokudera held him close, letting Bel sleep; he had been through a lot and deserved all the rest in the world.

Gokudera couldn't wait for Bel to be released from the hospital; the sooner he could get him back to Japan, the better.


	26. Chapter 26

Gokudera had never felt so lost before, not even with his friends there to help him. It wasn't easy for him to be taking care of Bel now; the blond was broken, and the brain damage didn't make it any easier – all Gokudera could do was try his best to be more patient than he had ever been before and help his boyfriend through it, because the silver-haired male wasn't the only one struggling with the turn of events.

Like now, as Gokudera awoke at some ungodly hour of the morning to his boyfriend's anxious pants and next a scream. The younger knew what was wrong, and it was almost becoming second nature for him to explain to Bel that he was no longer with Xanxus and had been brought back to Japan.

"Bel, it's okay, baby…" Gokudera's voice was slurred with sleep, but as tired as he was, he had to be there for Bel – he _had_ to. "You're not with Xanxus now; I helped get you away. I brought you back to Japan with me to keep you safe. Remember?"

Gokudera knew it wasn't Bel's fault the blond couldn't remember where he was or that he had been rescued; his hypothalamus had been damaged, so it wasn't easy for the older male to make new memories or retrieve old ones anymore. Sure, there were things Bel could still remember, or could _learn_ to remember, but that would take some time, and Gokudera could only try and reinforce new memories slowly into his mind.

Bel's pants were still heavy, but when he groped blindly through the darkness for Gokudera's hand, the younger knew it was okay to touch him now; Bel was ready, and he was trusting the other to be telling him the truth. He wondered what had happened to Fran if he had been rescued, but he didn't know how to communicate his worries to his boyfriend; he no longer used writing as means of communicating.

"See? You're safe here with me, sweetheart. You're safe. It's three in the morning; can you go back to sleep?" Gokudera knew Bel was going to be awake for a long time, so he instead sat on the edge of the mattress and switched the bedside lamp on. "I'll be right back; I'm going to get you a glass of milk."

Bel pulled his blankets up to his chin as his attention was drawn to the lamp now. He didn't notice Gokudera leaving the room, but he paid attention when the younger came to his side with a glass of warm milk. He sat up with the silver-haired male's help, propped upwards by his pillows, and allowed the glass of milk to be held to his lips and tilted upwards so that he could drink.

Gokudera waited until Bel turned his head away before he put the cup down; the blond wasn't drinking by himself anymore, and he could only do so with help. He smiled as he wiped away white droplets from the other's lips before he laid Bel back down in the bed and tucked him in tight. He went back to his own side and made himself comfortable before he let a yawn escape his lips. "Close your eyes, Bel. It's time for sleep. Go to sleep; that's right…"

Bel nuzzled close against his boyfriend, but he still couldn't go back to sleep; he felt he was wide awake, and all he wanted to do was stare at the younger male through the darkness.

Needless to say, when Gokudera awoke early the next morning to Bel sitting on the edge of their bed turning the alarm on and off, the silver-haired male was upset; the older male hadn't slept, and that was all Gokudera had wanted for him.

 _ **~~XX~~**_

"Come on, sweetheart."

Bel looked up from the hem of his jacket he had been picking at as he heard Gokudera's voice. He heard the car turn off, and when he looked out of his window, he felt a slight headache appear as he almost remembered where they were; this was… Gokudera's… school…? No… That wasn't right…

Gokudera undid his seatbelt before he got out of the car and went to help Bel out to his feet. He wrapped his arm around the smaller male's side to hold him close, not wanting for the blond to fall over; Bel had never been clumsy before, but he had been falling a lot when left unsupported lately.

"We're going to run in and get a few things for lunch, Bel. What do you want for lunch? Do you want sushi again?"

Bel made no sign he had heard the other; he simply looked all around his surroundings until he remembered what place this was; this was where Gokudera worked; he could sort of remember coming in with his boyfriend before.

Gokudera didn't let the silence bother him; he had had ten years to get used to it, after all – it was just… he used to at least have a phone or a notepad to read answers off of… "Well, we had sushi for dinner last night, and I can make you some more later if you want it. So how about we have pizza today? We haven't had Italian for a while, have we, Bel?"

Bel didn't even look at Gokudera; he simply stopped walking so that he could play with a price tag he saw hanging off the shelf.

"Bel, you shouldn't play with that; it's bothersome when tickets go missing. Come on; let's go get stuff for pizza."

Bel groaned in annoyance when he felt himself being tugged away from his new favourite toy, but he quickly stopped trying to go back to the ticket; he knew that Gokudera was stronger than him, and he wasn't going to be able to get away.

"Let's see; we've got some dough at home, so we just need the sauce and toppings. Bel, can you go get me the cheese, please?"

When Bel made no move to leave the younger's side, Gokudera sighed; how could he have forgotten…?

"It's okay, Bel; we'll get the cheese together."

For the rest of the journey to gather cooking ingredients, Gokudera talked about anything he could think of in hopes it would somehow help Bel's recovery, but the blond barely noticed him; he was too absorbed in all of his new surroundings to pay much attention to what the silver-haired male was saying.

Even during checkout, as Gokudera talked with his co-worker and tried his hardest to include Bel, it was futile. But at least the smaller male followed behind as Gokudera gathered the bags and left to put them into the car.

The car park was busy, and Gokudera kept a careful eye on his boyfriend; he didn't know if the other still retained his road sense or not, and he didn't want to find out the hard way. But, as always, the second he took his eyes off the blond for two seconds, it happened.

"Bel!" Gokudera dropped the bags he had been about to put in the backseat of his car and run to his wailing boyfriend. Bel didn't look injured; maybe just shaken up, but still, he couldn't help but be very careful as he helped the frail male to his feet. He looked around at the crowd that had gathered as he held Bel tight; at least they were just concerned. "It's okay; he's fine. It was an accident; he's not hurt; just scared."

Gokudera helped Bel towards the car, but before they could finish the journey there, the blond pivoted on the spot and wrapped his arms tightly around the taller male. He nuzzled in close as he cried, and suddenly, the silver-haired male couldn't hold back his own tears; this was the most normal behaviour the smaller male had displayed since the abduction, and maybe it wasn't the most desirable thing Bel had done, it was still something that proved that, no matter what the nurses had said, Bel was still in there somewhere, waiting to re-emerge with the right circumstances.

It wasn't going to be easy, but Gokudera was resolved to getting _his_ Bel back, and he knew his friends would be, too. It wouldn't happen overnight, and maybe the brain damage would never completely heal, but with lots of love and care, he knew they could get the Bel they knew and loved back – they had helped him before, and they could do it again with a lot of patience.

"It's okay, Bel. I love you." Gokudera kissed the top of Bel's head before he took him back to the car and helped him into the passenger seat. He smiled as a shaking hand reached across and held his own for the rest of the car ride, and for the first time since getting his boyfriend back to Japan, he had hope inside of him – and this time, no matter how hard it would be, he was going to keep his faith up and do his best.

Bel was still in there somewhere, and Gokudera was going to get him back out and salvage him.


End file.
